How do you deal with a miscarriage?

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[deleted account]

I am so sorry about your loss. I had a miscarriage the day after Christmas. It was very difficult. I chose to tell a few people about it because I needed someone to talk to and no one but husband knew I was pregnant. I gave myself time to grieve and spoke to my husband about my feelings. It helped crying with him and having him comfort me. It also helped talking to my mom. I personally believe things happen for a reason and maybe my egg's cells divided improperly or there was a missing chromosome. I am trying to get pregnant again and I pray every day for a healthy pregnancy and child. The miscarriage had nothing to do with anything I did or didn't do. It just happens and is more common than we think. There are so many women that understand the loss you are feeling. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Please take care of yourself.

Lori - posted on 07/30/2009

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I am so sorry -- it truly is devastating to go through this, no matter how far along you are. My second pregnancy ended in miscarriage at 8 weeks. I was so totally unprepared for there not to be a heartbeat. I had no symptoms whatsoever -- I was just going in for my first pre-natal visit. My first pregnancy was pretty smooth sailing, although I did bleed a bit at 5 weeks which was scary. And my third pregnancy went really well -- I now have a nearly 3 year old daughter and a 4 month old daughter.



My only advice is this: women tend to keep miscarriages a secret. I felt so lost and sad following my miscarriage, that I couldn't keep it in. I told a few people when it first happened, and I continued to tell people (mainly my female friends and a few select co-workers) over the next year or so. What I found was that so many of them (a shocking number of them, actually) had also gone through a miscarriage. I couldn't believe it. So please, when (and if) you feel ready, please talk to those around you about it. I wanted people to know about my baby and to remember him or her, not keep it quiet. And I am glad that I did. Please know that you are not alone and that all of us moms support you and grieve for you and wish you well.

Rachel - posted on 07/29/2009

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hi.its one the hardest things imaginable to go through and im so sorry for your loss. th e only advice i can really offer after goin through 3 myself is to give yourself time to grieve and dont be afraid to do so either. let people be there for you, dnt be afraid to tell them how you feel or let them see you cry. i tried coping by myself and hiding away from my feeling and from everyone and although it felt like it helped at the time i realise it hasnt and still have alot of feelings that i havent dealt with yet. people may tell you that time is a great healer, but i wont lie to you hun, although you learn to live with your lose, the pain will never go. just try and take each day at a time. i dont no if you use facebook alot, but there are some good groups on here that offer support to angel mummys.if you ever want to talk, but only when ur ready you can always message me.

you, your family and your angel baby are in my prayers today. god bless your angel.x

Rachel - posted on 07/28/2009

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It was one of the hardest things I ever had to deal with. My husband and I found out we were pregnant after our first year of marriage and were so excited. I miscarried at 12 weeks. Nothing anyone could say or do would make the pain go away. I stayed away from everyone and isolated myself for a few weeks; and my husband took it just as hard. All I could think was that it was something that I had done. I worked to much or lifted something too heavy but it wasn't and my Dr. made sure that I knew that it was nothing I had done.
Everyone tries to say that it will be better and you will get over it but you don't. That was your child that you loved even if only for a moment. You also have to remember that everyone is just trying to help and unless they have gone through it they don't know what your feeling.
I now have a 7 month old and am also 29 weeks pregnant and I still can't get over our loss. I got nervous when I found I was pregnant with my youngest son even more nervous when I found out I was pregnant this time.Until I had him and knew he was healthy and holding him in my arms I wasn't at ease and I still feel the same about this pregnancy.
I am a FIRM beliver in God and this truly tested our faith considering I was in church when it happened but I tell myself every day that God doesn't make mistakes and believe me whe he blesses he does it abundantly.
Good Luck don't give up and God Bless!

Stacey - posted on 07/28/2009

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I miscarried before Katie. Although it was upsetting, I knew that there was a reason for it beyond any fault of my own. Something had obviously gone wrong. I knew this and tried to deal with it the best that I could with support from family and friends. My biggest problem was hormones. It took weeks for my body to get back to "normal" and balanced out again. This imbalance caused me to continue to be oversensitive to even the smallest things, be withdrawn, cry, etc. If you're otherwise healthy, you'll be okay in time and you can try again in a few months. Just don't expect it to happen overnight. Everyone is different. You'll be nervous when you do conceive again, and anxious at any little thing that doesn't feel right. Take it easy, take care of yourself and try to get some rest. Best wishes.

[deleted account]

It is hard and painful. After my first one I completely shut down and isolated myself. Everyone I knew was either pregnant or became pregnant within the following month. I wish I would have held my friends closer to help me through it. My doctor even blew me off as if it were no big deal. There was nothing anyone could say that made things better. I did the first one by myself and it was destructive. Sorry for the sad part, but it is important. I have since had 3 more. I'd love to say that it gets easier, but it doesn't. Friends is what got me through. To be honest, I was rude and mean and downright awful sometimes, but they just held me close. They put up with me. There was nothing they could say but by making themselves available, made me feel better somehow. While searching online a while back, I found a book called I'll Hold You in Heaven Someday and it was so comforting. I tended to forget that other people have been where I have and can help. The best advice I can give is to hold your friends close or if you are the friend, be there. As much as you or them don't want it, in the long run, it helps.

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