I am currently pregnent with my 2nd child. I have a 3 year old but am separated from her father, and with a new man and pregant wih his baby. He said he would take responsiblity of fathering her, but doing a not so good job. any sugestions?

5 Comments

View replies by

User - posted on 04/14/2009

7

34

1

Yes yes. it sounds like your a little more on track. Thank you for giving me some advise on the situation, it helps alot to hear an outer imput. I never quite though of it like that, that maybe he think that she does not want him as a daddy. I definatly have to have a close talk with him about everything regarding her and our children. Again thank you muchly. :)

Claudia - posted on 04/09/2009

226

44

44

Quoting Briann:



Those possibilities crossed my mind of course. I dont think its because he does not know how to be a daddy, I've seen him with his neices and newfews and other children. I just dont know why he acts different towards my daughter when he has so much potential to be a good father figure. Were planning on getting married next summer, and this summer we will be building our log house. We've talked about my daughter and he wants to help me raise her, and our children. I think maybe i just need to give them time to warm up to eachother.





 



How does your daughter relate to him?  Does it goes both ways?  Maybe you can suggested a day that they can spend together maybe a picnic or a fishing trip or something where they can bond, just the two of them?  Have you shared your concerns with him? 

Rachel - posted on 04/09/2009

84

55

5

I have two children and I am not with their father. I have a new boyfriend now and he gets on great with the kids but it was strange for him at first. Whenever I have been worried about how he treats my children I have spoken to him about it and quite often it is down to a misunderstanding.



Before I had my daughter (now 1) I had a miscarriage and I was still grieving that when my daughter was born. I loved her and looked after her but I didn't bond with her as naturally as I had with my son. This meant that my son (now 3) took on some of the responsibility for looking after the baby without me realising it, until my councelor told me. I am gradullay changing that now but it's a gradual process. My new partner didn't understand this until I explained it recently and he says that now he knows he understands why my son takes charge sometimes with my daughter. It means that now he understands why I wasn't harsher with disciplining my son and has diffused tension between us about why I let some things go.



Discipline was also something we needed to discuss. He needed me to clarify how I was happy to discipline my children and he needed to be reasurred a few times before he felt comfortable disciplining them himself instead of always leaving it to me. Now, he is happy to put my son on the step and he knows what the plan is for introducing my daughter to this system too.



The only time my partner feels awkward with the kids now is when my ex comes to see them and that's understandable, we all feel awkward with that I think but it's best for the kids.



Maybe you should talk more with your partner. I know you have said you've spoken about it and I am sure he wants to be a great daddy to your older child but maybe he isn't sure of how to do that and doesn't want to step on your toes. All of it is about learning and maybe he feels like you already know it all because you've been through the new baby thing already. He's got the added pressure of having to learn how to be a father to a child as well as a new baby. He may also be worried that your older child doesn't want him as a daddy.



So many possibilities, you definitely need to have a really open chat with him and maybe put a few of these possibilities to him and see what he says about what he's feeling "I'm fine" Just isn't detailed enough and won't help either of you.

User - posted on 04/08/2009

7

34

1

Those possibilities crossed my mind of course. I dont think its because he does not know how to be a daddy, I've seen him with his neices and newfews and other children. I just dont know why he acts different towards my daughter when he has so much potential to be a good father figure. Were planning on getting married next summer, and this summer we will be building our log house. We've talked about my daughter and he wants to help me raise her, and our children. I think maybe i just need to give them time to warm up to eachother.

Claudia - posted on 04/08/2009

226

44

44

Hmmm, I guess my question would be is he doing a not so good job because she's not his daughter or because he doesn't know how to be a daddy?  Are you married? planning marriage?  Maybe he's not ready for the committment?  Wow so many things to consider.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms