I dug myself a hole, now what?

Lilliana - posted on 06/30/2011 ( 23 moms have responded )

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Today i told my 3 year old son that when his twin siblings arrive in September he is going to have to share mommies boobs, and that we were going to get him a big boy bed so he didn't have to sleep with mama and dada anymore, he seemed so happy and confident. And then bed time hit,my son usually goes to bed at 8:30, we follow our normal routine, bath, jammies teeth, 2 books and nursing.... nursing started at 8;45 this evening and he normally nurses for maybe 5 minutes he falls asleep and then later when me and hubby go to bed he nurses a little more and stays latched most of the night.



Well not tonight, he has non stop nursed for 2 HOURS! He is exhausted and everytime he falls asleep i try to free my nipple and he cries out and latches hard... then nurses intensely until he drift off... and the cycle continues!!!! I know it's comfort, because of the change, but what now???

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Lilliana - posted on 07/06/2011

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Rita- I understand where you're coming from. Nope my OB/gyn suggested I stop breastfeeding in order to get pregnant, but I didnt get have any problem getting pregnant (obviously) and then he told me I may dry up, but that never happened infact I get engorged alot. My nathuropath has given me lots of supplements though to keep me balanced and healthy!
:-) it's hard but possible!

[deleted account]

All I've got is... good luck. My 3 year old son just went w/ his father for 4 weeks starting on Friday. We'd been talking about it and how he'd have to be all done w/ 'baboo' when he went and there wouldn't be any more when he came back... He definitely 'tanked up' the last few days. Poor kid had to get enough in to last the rest of his life. lol

I really don't know how I'd handle it in your situation, so I hope you figure something out soon!

23 Comments

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SUSAN - posted on 07/06/2011

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wow thats a hard one to answer have u tried to wean him off and put him on a cup i have a 3 year old just took sippycup away

Lilliana - posted on 07/06/2011

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Yes! I have been freezing for about month! My freezers is beginning to look like a dairy farm. Haha!

Rita - posted on 07/06/2011

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Lillian, that's awesome & promising for my outlook. I don't want to stop breastfeeding because of a 3rd pregnancy. You are truly a supermom! Thank you for sharing.

Bri - posted on 07/06/2011

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I wonder about asking naturalpath and OB/gyn about pumping and freezing your engorgement now to use later- either for older one or just to have it available if you needed to be away- be it work related or just for a hubby-date! I give you 2 thumbs up for EBF- my first BF till 2 1/2 and #2 is going strong at 7 months (no tandem- they are 4 yrs apart)!

Hope the suggestions give you some ideas and good luck that your oldest makes a good transition!

Rita - posted on 07/06/2011

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I cannot imagine breastfeeding my child beyond 15-months-old. I have a 3-year-old and an 18-week-old. My hat goes off to you; it just seems rather odd to me to breastfeed a toddler that has a mouth full of teeth. I was bitten a few times when my 3-year-old was 11-months to 14-months-old & I couldn't wait to get him completely weaned off. I love the bond that's established through breastfeeding (one of the most beautiful feelings in the world) but I, myself, will never breastfeed my child well into their toddler years. Now, you're faced with the expectancy of twins (supermom) you go girl. Btw, did your OB/Gyn recommend that you stop breastfeeding when you became pregnant? My hubby wants to get pregnant right away (hoping to space our infant 18-months from our next delivery). Have you experienced any complication breastfeeding while pregnant with twins? I wish you luck in trying to transition your 3-year-old (I think the sooner you do so the better). Many well wishes to you & your family.

Ann Marie - posted on 07/05/2011

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There's a really sweet book by Dr. Sears called "What Baby Needs". It doesn't deal with extended nursing, but it does a great job of explaining what babies need to little kids (sleeping close to Mommy & Daddy, nursing, crying, etc.) It also talks about what he can do to help, and good things to do while you're nursing. And then it talks about all of the fun they'll have when the baby grows up. I highly recommend it if you don't have it yet. :-)

Barb - posted on 07/04/2011

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Don't wait until the twins arrive. Start weaning him off now & get the big boy bed too. Start with naps in it if h still takes them. I didn't have my daughter sleep with us. She is 4 now & has asked to sleep with us. I told her you have your bed & mommy & daddy have ours. Best advice anyone gave me was not to start sleeping in mommy& daddy's bed. Such a hard habit to break. Good luck!

Nicole - posted on 07/04/2011

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this will sound odd to most people but it actually worked for me, when my son wouldnt stop nursing i told him that mummas milk only tastes nice to babies and now he is getting to be a big boy it will start to taste yucky and milk from the fridge (cows milk lol) will start to taste better, so for several days i continued to "warn him" saying mummas milk will taste yucky if your a big boy now and everyday he would say, in a rather dissapointed way "oh i must still be a baby :(" then one day i said well today you seem a REAL big boy! im thinking mummas milk will be yucky and fridge milk will be better, he seemed very skeptical, until he latched on and yes mummas booby tasted yucky yucky yucky!! (i had smeared a very small amount of mustard on my boobie lol) he was so happy to be a big boy! bed time came and we done usualy routine but replaced boobie with "the best beaker in the whole world!!!" that he chose himself, that we had to "QUICKLY QUICKLY RUSH TO THE SHOP TO BUY BECAUSE HE WAS NOW A BIG BOY!!!". i still snuggled with him until he slept and had a beaker of cows milk ready if he woke but we just really played on the whole big boy thing and was really successful. when my daughter arrived he was such a "big boy" that he was totally prepared for nappie changing, bath times, fetching mummas slippers and helping daddy cook dinner while mumma recovered from csec :) good luck x

Bri - posted on 07/04/2011

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Thanks Jessica- forgot to include that- yes, we do intentional daddy-4 yr old and mommy-4yr old dates.....

Also, by coincidence of having a week of time share about to expire last year, the Daddy-Daughter vacation was born... during which they (I wasn't included), voted to make this an annual event and so now it is. For now it is just the big sister, but she has had discussion with daddy about when baby sister gets bigger, she can come on the daddy-daughter vacation. I think it's been helpful to reinforce the strong role and relationship that daddy can and should have with his children- that it's not just mommy.

Jessica - posted on 07/03/2011

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I think it is great that you are preparing your little man now for the changes that will be happening soon. I also think that Bri has some great tips and would like to add, what I think, is a very important step; Once the babies are born have mommy dates and daddy dates with your little man. It can really be anything, a walk, ice cream trip, ball game, anything that makes him the center of your attention. I also empathised that my daughter gets to do big girl things while her little sister, who is a baby, does not.

Bri - posted on 07/03/2011

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Some things we did to help our DD#1 (age 4) transition for baby sister:

1. Big sister went to all my appointments with me- listened to the heart beat, was there for ultrasound, got to ask the midwives questions, etc. We talked about what would happen and what baby sister would be like. Our birth center offered a sibling class, and DD#1 ended up going to one of my classes with me (no sitter, daddy was at school) and saw a peaceful waterbirth- which we'd talked about. DD#1 was present at the birth center- memaw was there to help her, comfort her, depart if became too much but the 4 yr old was fine with it all- even kept telling memaw that mama's moaning and noises were "mama's belly pushing out PeeWee".

2. She helped pick out new baby's room decor and we split the kids room down the middle- she got to keep her stuff and we redecorated the other half for baby sister.

3. She went shopping with daddy and picked a lovey for baby sister, a toy, jammies and an outfit.

4. Baby sister got big sister a present- ok, really it was big sisters babysitters that I "hired" to play secret santa and get the pillow pet big sister was pining after, wrap it and stashed it in the trunk of the car... when baby sister arrived, so did present.

I really liked the suggestion above about making the bed transition in your bedroom to help him adjust... rather than him feeling "tossed out". While the 4 yr old has been sleeping in her own room for several years now, she did co-sleep every now and then.... baby sister does sleep in our room so we periodically have a sleep in with big sister or mama or daddy and big sister go off and sleep in the guest room.

It will be lots of changes for everyone- keep your chin up!

Vicki - posted on 07/02/2011

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I can't imagine a 3 year old starting a pacifier. My 2 year old thinks they are toys, no way would he be soothed by one lol!

Lilliana I think it's great that you're getting him used to the idea now. September is still a long way off, he'll have plenty of time to be ready and his nursing may change somewhat before then anyway. I doubt he'll want a boob-a-thon every night between now and the birth. Best wishes for your journey.

Lilliana - posted on 07/01/2011

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Your family sounds so beautiful, I hope one day I'm in your shoes!! :-)

Ginger - posted on 07/01/2011

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Aw ... thank you too hon. I'm not amazing...but I like to think Im close! lol. I've just been there in many situations. My kids are all 24, 19, 17, 14, and 10 now. But when they were all so little I had to make sure they came first. I did a LOT of crying, watching and learning my boys.... and the great 'epiphany' for me was when I was a brand new mom... My firstborn cried and cried and I nursed and nursed and nothing I did felt right or seemed right. I was SURE that he just hated me! My mom had come to visit and she took my son from my arms and cooed at him then she led me to bed.... She told me to get some sleep and added, "Honey he doesn't hate you. He doesn't even know what that is. You're a new Mom, and he's a new baby. Neither one of you have ever done this before!, It's gonna get easier as you both learn" BEST advice I ever GOT!

Lilliana - posted on 07/01/2011

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Thank you so much Ginger. You're right, he eventually fell asleep and I was free, thank you for all the big brother advice you sound like an amazing mama!!

Ginger - posted on 07/01/2011

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Oh poor Mom! You're going to be so tired!... Well , *sighs* at three... and used to being the only one?... it all sounds so good to him in theory until he gets tired! lol Then any worries surface so he's doing what makes his world feel better. He's nursing more...and not quite ready to give you up-well share...because he doesnt know what that means. Sure share a toy... share a snack...but mom? No more bedtime with mom either? sure. Um... no. that's his thought... Little ones need a little time to assimilate in small steps. He's all ready at odds with bits of change going on with your pregnancy which changes his routines... mommy doesnt move about as fast as before... things are different... while not bad it is all very new to him and hes a little scared of the unknown. Id bring the bed in...but make the transition from your bed to his own gradual. Been there done that...lol... Once the babies come and he sees them? And sees that they arent BIG like he is? He will assuredly calm down and lose his fears. Another kid coming home to him is one his size and add another that's two to replace him. Its a kids thoughts go figure...*grins* when he sees them? and gets to help with them? And sees first hand that he is so important because he's the bigger brother? It'll temper out. And by helping out I mean like handing you the wipes, or getting little things for you or the babies. I used dolls with my sons before each one came home so I could show them...see this 'baby'? Our babies are going to be small like this. And you are so big! They are going to love you! You know why? Because you are the best-est big brother in the world! I would (and still do) tell my sons that I love them everyday and twice on Sundays... the closer I got to D day I made sure they knew how much I loved them. And how I couldnt wait till the new baby could meet them... and then Id hug them and tell them with sigh, "You know?...I'm going to have to get used to sharing you now...because they are going to want you so much!" It wasn't a full on cure...but it helped them alot... Good luck on your new babies! And with your little one now- he'll get used to it...just gradually and with your constant reassurance- It's just going to take a little time now.... remember take baby steps with changes. You wanna gradually wean him from your bed... and maybe not right away either as you dont want him to equate the babies with him losing his position in the family bed... you want him to feel its because he's growing up... The first few months I had my sons sleep on the other side closer to daddy... eventually they wanted out LOL lack of room.... *grins*

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