I have a 16 month old who has a lot of anger.

Julie - posted on 05/07/2011 ( 7 moms have responded )

2

0

0

He screams at the top of his lungs and now even bites anything he can get his hands on to get out his frustration. We have tried the "no" approach and it doesn't work. Raising our voices doesn't work either. How can we get this to stop. It is a stressful situation and i'm a new mom as well so i don't know how to deal with this. I do a lot of crying and feeling guilty like it is something I am doing wrong. What can I do. I don't know if time-outs will work either.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Natasha - posted on 05/16/2011

28

14

1

In parenting classes and at my sons current daycare, we were taught never say no to a child. children ages 1 to 3 is when you are actually shaping who your child will be when they are an adult!! amazing i know. instead of saying no say we don't do that or we will camly ask nicely instead... have them starting saying please and thank you and talk to them all of the time.. some times it's a way of getting attention from parents.... wether it's negative or posative. It can be hard spending time with a child after a long day of work, but lets face it.... when they are all grown up, we will be the one begging for attention. A lot of the time, when children freak out it's them trying to say pay attention to me.

Jennifer - posted on 05/09/2011

270

5

54

I am a single parent, so not everyone has two parents after all. And when my child was in a time out and screaming her head off and I felt like I was going to lose it or do something I would regret, I would walk out of the room and recompose. Not everyone has the luxury (or should I say misfortune LOL Just kidding) of having a second parent around.

Megan - posted on 05/09/2011

21

23

0

I know exactly how you feel, my husband and I get pretty upset with each other over how each of us thinks we should deal with our child throwing little fits like that. I find that the best way to cope is to try and talk with your bf at some point OTHER than while the child is in a fit, bc that will only make your bf think "fine whatever you deal with it then I obviously can't do anything right!", believe me I've heard more than my share of that! lol Come to an agreement your both comfortable with. My husband and I sometimes have to remind eachother of what we agreed, I'm mean come on.. everyone loses their patients and starts to lose it! Thats why kids have two parents after all.. you both have to realize he's still a baby more or less, and he's at the age of want some independence he is going to want to do things on his own, he's probably going to be very upset if he's not quite able. So I would try to help him and encourage him at much as possible. When he throws those fits that you just can't avoid remove him from the situation that he's frustrated with until he cools off and then go back and try to help him with what he was trying to do. Good luck!

Jennifer - posted on 05/09/2011

270

5

54

I try to use words that address the behavior and not the child itself. I.E. That behavior is not acceptable. or After you have finished crying and screaming I will talk to you. Something like that. I agree with some of the things the others have said. It does sound like he is doing it because he is frustrated and doesn't know how to express himself. You could try to label his emotion, even justify them. Say they are throwing toys and not listening when you tell them not to so you take it away from them and put it out of their reach so naturally they have a melt down: "I know that you are angry at mommy right now, and that is OK. Mommy told you not to throw that toy before you hurt yourself or mommy and because you didn't listen, mommy had to take the toy away from you. It is okay to be angry, but it is not okay to throw your toys."
I would say that every time that he bites someone you firmly tell him, "NO, it is NOT ok to bite people," and immediately place him in a time out or thinking chair/step/spot. Given his age the play pen might be a good idea....place him in it and tell him that he is in a time out for biting you and keep doing this immediately EVERY time he bites (no warning for a bite) and that behavior will probably go away. He will realize there is a negative consequence for it and het gets no attention for it, either. When my first born was younger (now 5) and she used to be put in a time out and cry and cry I would tell her that after she is done crying that I would talk to her. Suppoe that it was for biting. When it would subside I would ask, "Are you done crying now?" If she started up again I would tell her, "I guess not. I'll wait." And I would wait until she wasn't crying. If she's crying she could not hear what I was going to say. I would tell remind her why she was in time out and that it was okay to be upset (or mad or angry, etc.) but it is not okay to bite. It's just a suggestion. It is definitely because he is frustrated....if it is frustration that you can prevent by helping him or showing him how to do what he's trying to do (like Louise suggested) then that could defuse much of it, too.

7 Comments

View replies by

Needadvice - posted on 05/17/2011

3

0

0

I remember my daughter testing boundaries at that age as well and remember how hard it was to even think about diciplining because she was still a baby but this is what helped with my daughter and hopefully it will help with your baby.......I don't recommend yelling it never worked well with my daughter still doesn't @ age 12 I think they quit listening to what your saying and become more focused on the volume you are using instead that being said it worked for me to get down eye to eye with her and say Mommy doesn't like that behavior and swat his/her butt (NOT HARD) it should more scare them a little and get their attention not hurt them, if that doesn't work time out in the crib without toys and say if you can't play nice you can't play. No matter which one you choose to go with the trick is ALWAYS BE CONSISTENT if it is not wrong EVERY time the baby gets confused they are going to test their bounds until they know that is wrong every time keep that in mind for when they are older too, but for now it can be exhausting at this age to keep the consistency and it will seem like your baby isn't catching on but there are a few more communication barriers, the only thing that is gona get the point accross is repetitive and consistant consequence...........Good luck I hope that helps

Rebekah - posted on 05/08/2011

29

11

4

The time out method was and still is what works best for me. I also have told him "Nobody wants to hear you make all that noise" , another thing I have used is "you can get up from time out when you are a good boy." He eventually calms down. I have been using this since he was at least 18m, and he is 3 now. So I hope that helps somehow.

Julie - posted on 05/08/2011

2

0

0

thanks I appreciate the reply. It is just starting to take a toll on my relationship with my bf as well because we seem to lose our patience with each other because of the way Connor acts out. How long is this phase going to be hahah..

Louise - posted on 05/07/2011

5,429

69

2322

At this young age it is pure frustration that his body will not do what his mind wants him to do. Either watch the situation and try and counter any paddies by helping him achieve what he wants to do or make a safe area like a play pen with a mattress in it to put him in time outs to calm down before hurting himself. I used the time out method as it ment I could leave the room and compose myself for a few minutes without getting stressed up myself. This in time will pass as his body becomes more capable of doing things he wants to do. you are not doing anything wrong they all go through this phase.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms