I have a problem with my 2 year old not listening to a word I say.

Meghan - posted on 04/30/2010 ( 19 moms have responded )

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I don't know what to do about him not listening we r very consistant with discipline. Is this a part of him being 2?

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Griselda - posted on 05/05/2010

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The following strategies seem to work for me. If you have not tried them yet, see if they help.

When I want to get my point across I kneel to make eye contact with my toddler. I never yell across the room or say "no". I like to say that things are dangerous if I know she can hurt herself.
For example, she tries to put her finger in a wall outlet I'll say "Aly putting your finger in the outlet is dangeours, don't put your finger in the outlet" or "Aly don't stand on your chair, that is dangerous, you can fall and hurt yourself" I hardly ever use "No" I know that it's so much easier to say no but what many caregivers don't understand is that by saying "no" the child is not learning the reasons behind the 'no' answer. Yes, it takes longer to discipline (which by the way means teach) a toddler but in the long run they will understand (and listen) a lot faster.

Also, something else you don't mention in your post. How are you doing with praising your child for good behavior? Children need to be praised for good behavior even if they are just sitting in the living room playing with their toys. For example, "Dalton, you are sitting and playing very nicely with your toys" or when eating lunch, "wow Dalton, you're eating so well, good job!" The praise should be done right away and if there's someone else to share the good behavior of the child even better. Example, "Daddy, look at Dalton, he put all his toys away. I'm so proud of Dalton"
I like to find any moment to praise my child for good behavior and she's 31 months now (2yrs 7 months). Also, try to refrain from saying "Good boy" Always praise the behavior not the person.

Some kids don't listen because there's no incentive, no reward, no acknowledgement of the good things children do and the only way to get attention from parents is through what we see as bad behavior or not listening.

Best of luck Meghan!

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Kristen - posted on 05/05/2010

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i have a2 year who think he can runover me and dad that peolpe said to us that we need to break him from doing that to us

Michelle - posted on 05/05/2010

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My son has just turned 2. I find that he is most defiant when he is really tired and trying to avoid sleep or when he is just bored. Essentially, I find distraction to be the best way to get him to stop his destructive behaviour. When tired, i tell him he can do something he likes for 5 more minutes and then it's bedtime. strangely, he loves the idea of just 5 more minutes so it works. When he's bored then i just find something else he likes that I can live with and we are good to go. good luck!

Aleta - posted on 05/03/2010

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My daughter's 2 as well and she's going through exactly the same thing. I think it's completely normal for little ones at this stage; they're exploring their new found independence. Boy does it frustrate the heck out of me as well! I give her choices as well, which seems to work most of the time. If that doesn't then I tell her that I'm going to have to help her if she can't do it herself; and no way does she want mommy helping her with anything. Good luck!

Makaela - posted on 05/03/2010

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My daughter is at that same stage and she is 20 months old. She seems to think that No is the word for everything and just ignoring me. I sit her in timeout until she does what I ask and then the next time I give her a warning and she usually (not always) does what I ask.

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Years ago a very dear friend of mine had five children. His boy Joseph was just a BAD BOY! He NEVER listened... he was ALWAYS running off to do just what he wanted the second he came in the door. Precious little boy, so cute.. so busy. He had this precious way of saying elephant... efelan....It just warmed my heart every time he said it. His Daddy had the hardest time with him! He would punish him, he would spank him... time out.. everything. Nothing worked. His brothers and sister didn't act this way!
Joseph turned 4, started PreK... and the school found that Joseph is 90% deaf.

Anuradha - posted on 05/02/2010

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My 2 year old listen's to me most of the time...except when he is extremely uspet about something and when he is not able to convey some message to me! I guess one needs to strike a balance between talking too less and talking too much (to the extent of being obtrusive) with your toddlers. They need their space too like all of us. So I guess stay calm, talk to them ...politely and if they do not listen to you...ignore them! Let them know that if they dont listen to you....you will not listen to them either. I am sure he/she will come back to you! Cheers...

Alicia - posted on 05/02/2010

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I am having the same problem right now with my 2 year old. I think at this age they are discovering that they have opinions and preferences. The best way I have figured to deal with this, without making myself crazy and my daughter miserable, is to be very direct. IE "You can _____ or you can sit in timeout" etcetera. I think giving her the option to follow MY directions on HER terms helps because she feels like she is making the decision. Its not ok for her to disobey, especially because I know she understands. So we give her the option to listen or sit in timeout. Its seeming to work for us. GOOD LUCK!!

Shelby - posted on 05/02/2010

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my 2 yr old is the same way! i have to get down at eye level and tap her to get her to look at me, and then i talk to her and ask her "okay?" to acknowledge she heard me. i think i see slivers of it beginning to work! lol



oh, and i always give her to "3"--if i can count to three before she starts doing as i told her she gets put in time out. if i have to tell her three times to listen she's in time out (each time i remind her, "that's two, one more and we're done")

Patricia - posted on 05/02/2010

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Welcome to the world of parenthood. I think its just practice for when they hit the teens.

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Terrible twos. Its rough. I thought I wasn't gonna get through it. I always stayed consistent with discipline. Nothing major. Mainly time outs from playing & having fun.

Rose - posted on 05/02/2010

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helllo i had the same probs as urselfe u come down to his level give him ur eye contackt tell him his behavior is not accepted and if he dont do as you ask you will take something away from his toyas that he really likes to play with and will get it back once he does as u ask it works for me but u have to be very firm in the way you speak to him he then understands the next time he dont lisen the same thing will happen it works trust me give him big hugs and kisses when he lisens to what u have said and tell him he is a good boy good luck.

Sabra - posted on 05/01/2010

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I have found that an option would be: putting your child in a different room than where you are (leaving the door open) and letting them vent their frustration out. Sometimes I have to do this with my oldest daughter (3). She didn't have many behavioural problems until her sister was born 9.5 months ago. BUT I suppose it depends on the parent(s) as well. I have worked with children and adolescents that have the mental capacity as my 3 year old. It's all about how you approach the situation... truly it is!

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I think that at a certain age children begin to puch the boundaries... If you are a very strict disciplinarian with him, he is bound to go for that boundary first if its the strongest!! I am going through the same thing and I always get the same answer: "Be consistent!"

Mandy - posted on 05/01/2010

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I have a 2yo and what I do is ask her, for example, get into the carseat or I will help you get in the carseat. Give them appropriate choices and offer your help as an option. If the answer is no then you get to pick. You may wear this shirt or this shirt. I believe it is really common what you are going through and if they don't do something then you need to help them be obedient and do what you ask.

Candice - posted on 05/01/2010

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one thing i do that may help is if i think she isn't listening i tell her to look at me or get down in front of her and make her look at me, then i ask her again. usually it works...usually. lol

Sarah - posted on 04/30/2010

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It might be a behavior issue, but it could also be something else. I would have his hearing checked. How is his speech? Do you feel he is saying/speaking like many other 2 yr olds his age? Do you have contact with other kids his age to help judge his progress (not that I am saying to compare kids, but what others are doing can be a good judge to if there is concern to look into things further). Again it can totally be something behaviorly. 2 yr olds not listening is not unheard of ;). But if it seems like it is all the time to everything then I would start looking into things further.

Terrie - posted on 04/30/2010

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my 3yr old skipped the "terrible 2's" he's got the "terrible 3's"... We're also very consistant with discipline, and nothing seemed to work until about 2 months ago we decided to count to 3 (or 5 depending) and if he doesn't do what he is told he gets "punished" (time-out or something to that nature, nothing major)... so far it's worked pretty good...

Adrienne - posted on 04/30/2010

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probably the terrible 2's! My son is 2.5 years old and he's really bad for not listening right now. Everyone tells me it's the terrible 2's and just to keep on him.

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