I NEED ALOT OF HELP, PLEASE HELP!!

Sheri - posted on 12/30/2009 ( 9 moms have responded )

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1.) I have a 3 year old Cousin, who I watch Monday - Wednesday & Friday, and his mom is trying to potty train him. Well, her way of potty training is at her home she let him run away in his birthday suit (butt naked) and then he uses the potty anytime he wants, but when he is at my house and out of my aunts house, he soils his diaper and doesn't know he has gone to the bathroom. My aunt latest thing is telling him that he need to learn the potty because he gets diaper rash from wearing diapers, before that she would tell him, "you need to learn the potty because i babysat girl who got potty trained at 18 months and you are 3 years old". How would you potty train him, by putting him on the potty every 1/2 hour to an hour or by letting him ran around naked in the house?



2.) BEDTIME - I have to put my 3 year old cousin down first at around 10pm so that I could put my 15 month old son down at 11pm. If i put my son, Michael down before i put my cousin down, my son wakes up at like 4am wanting to play with Thomas my cousin. So since i watch my cousin from 6pm to whenever my aunt gets off work, like 1-3am and my husband works 1st shift and wake up at 530 am. I need sleep because i'm pregnant, so i need to put then down at a reasonable hour because I always seems to woke up with my husband alarm clock. My Aunt put my cousin down either at 11pm or whenever he crashes, she also lets him play into he falls asleep or she lets him watch TV until he fall asleep (he has a TV and DVD player in his room all long with all his Toys. also that is where they put him if he goes into TIME OUT. What should I do???



MY SON SLEEP SCHEDULE IS SUPPOSE TO BE FROM 10PM TO 10AM, BUT WITH MY COUSIN OVER IT BEEN GETTING SCREW UP!!



3.) TIME-OUT - When my cousin is over My husband and I put my cousin in timeout when he is being bad, We put him on our staircase. My Aunt when she put my cousin in time out she put him in his room but his room has a TV/DVD player and ALL his toys. So he doesn't understand what timeout is, What should I do???



Sheri Schreiber

sheri.schreiber@gmail.com



OR SHOULD I JUST TELL MY AUNT AND UNCLE THAT I NO LONGER CAN WATCH THOMAS (MY COUSIN)!!!!

9 Comments

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Erin - posted on 08/19/2010

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For the potty training I would do training pants at your house. As for the bed time Your house your rules bedtime is at 10 and that's that. You're pregnant you need your sleep. And as for time out just continue to put him in the stair case this will be hard because he's not used to having time out be so restrictive. 3 min will be long enough at his age. Your watching him just be firm with your rules. He will soon learn that when he's at your house things are run a certain way.

Kristy - posted on 01/21/2010

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Potty training is different for all kids and boys are naturally harder. make him out pants on so he has something on. Its hard when you have two different people trying to do it. Have a potty at the ready somewhere easy to get to not so much make him go to the toilet, let him take the reins on when he goes.

Again i agree that is way to late for any child to be going to bed even if it does work for you. Does your son get much outside time??If so it would possibly mean he is outside in what can be the hottest time of the day, if not then you may risk him getting vitamin d deficient. But then again i could also be some what jeleous as my 4 year old only sleeps approx 9 hours on a good night!!!

I would say no to the tv and dvd players unless you can use them to your advantage, make a rule of say one 30min dvd before bed, then its simply lights out and thats it .

The first thing you need to make clear to him is that he is in your house and he will abide by your rules not those that are at his house because things are different there. You will need to be the tough one as its your house and dont let your aunt tell you its not your rite or anything like that. Particularly when she isnt paying you, she needs to also understand things at your house are your way end of story deal with it or not her choice.

Karen - posted on 01/07/2010

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First of all, take a deep breathe. My daughter goes to bed usually around 10:30, she sleeps until I wake her up at 6:50 to get her pull-up changed, dressed, and out the door. She usually falls back asleep on the car ride. Since both my husband and I work, she is at daycare from 7:10 in the morning until 4:30-5:00 in the evening. By the time I get her home, I get her a snack and settled into playing with something, start dinner, take care of last night's dishes, take some laundry out of the dryer so I can put stuff in from the washer (forget about folding and putting the laundry away) and pay her attention all while trying not to burn dinner. When you factor in the 30-45 minutes I'm doing all of that with the 30 minutes she's in the tub (she loves to play with the water) and the fact that I almost always have work to do at home (I teach 5th grade everything), my time to play with her is precious. Therefore she gets to stay up later so I can actually spend time with her. If I put her to bed, I would only see her for 2 hours Monday through Friday, and I don't parent that way. She is able to get the full amount of sleep a child her age needs because she takes a LONG nap during the day at daycare. So please don't let anyone tell you that you are making a mistake by letting your son stay up later than they let their children. You are your son's parent, and you are the one making the decisions.



Now, as for your #1 issue, consistency is best. Talk to your aunt and let her know that you want to be consistent, but let her know if the birthday suit strategy doesn't work for you. Ask her if there is something else you could do instead (let her feel like she has a say in how he is handled in your house).



#2) Can you go ahead and put your son down in his bed at his normal time and put your cousin to bed in a separate room. Or put your cousin down in your son's room and have your son go to bed in your room in a play-pen? Be creative. If your cousin simply refuses to go to sleep when you expect him to, then stick him in a room with a tv to fall asleep with and leave him in there to fall asleep.



#3) If the staircase isn't working, have him stand in a corner facing the wall (I learned this from my daughter's daycare). After a few times standing in the corner facing the wall and NOT GETTING ANY ATTENTION from anyone, he will start to understand that you mean business and that timeout isn't fun. We used time out in the corner at home because that is what they do at daycare. You can even use time-out as a consequence for not going to bed when he is told.



Most importantly, explain to your aunt your struggles and the kind of toil it is taking on you and your unborn child. If she can not submit to your methods, then she isn't being respectful towards you. I know it is hard to tell a family member that you can't watch their child, but if she truly loves you she will understand and not hold it against you. You aren't doing you and your immediate family any favors if you are stressed out about watching your aunt's child.

Sorcha - posted on 01/03/2010

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oh you poor girl, i think you have already answered your own question. its hard now, imagine how hard it is when you have your new baby. its not your job to potty train your cousin and to worry about time outs, but it sounds like your aunt is only to happy to let you worry about them. i know you have to support whatever she is trying to do but surely this should have been discussed between the two of you until you are both happy with the same approach to a problem.

i dont envy you, but its hard enough to raise your own kids without having to shoulder the responability of someone elses.

by the way, my son was very hard to train and i was given a great tip of painting a flower in to his potty, and asking him to water the flower when he had to wee. maybe get some comics he likes just for the potty.

best of luck xx

Sheri - posted on 01/03/2010

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My Aunt doesn't not pay me, and how my husband and mine schedule are My son goes to bed around 10pm and wake up at 10am. It just works for us. But my aunt puts my cousin down at 11pm and I have no idea what time he wake up, but i know she puts him down that late because she works from 7pm to 4am (at the latest). So she does that for herself, not for the kids. When my Uncle worked 1st my uncle would put him in his ROOM and Locked the door around 8pm and then My Uncle would fall asleep without caring about what my cousin is doing or is evening asleep. I hate to say this but my aunt and uncle need to realize that when you have kids, Your life became about what is best for the children. I'm not saying you cant have a life but that your life is not just about you, it about both you and the kids.

I don't know, I just lost on what to do or say to my aunt about her son because she gives up so easily and NOW SHE WANTS ANOTHER BABY BECAUSE SHE WANTS A GIRL AND GIRLS ARE EASIER TO RAISE...

Tina - posted on 01/02/2010

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Word of the wise...no kid that age should go to bed at 10 pm or later...Kids have a natural sleep cycle and the best time for bed is between 7-8pm at that age...for a long time.

Now on to your cousin- When my daughter is in daycare she follows the rules of the daycare- get my point? Your cousin...or little charge should follow your rules no matter what- if you Aunt and Uncle disagree they should start looking for a sitter.
Potty Training- Tough one...You should join forces with his parents if you choose to continue sitting him...and hash out a "best" practice. If your Aunt and Uncle have no spine and are plagues by guild over having to work to pay the bills...and therefore ;et their kid walk all over them you should tell them that you cannot sit for them unless they are willing to follow some basic rules as well.
Best of Luck to you- But honestly- unless you are getting paid for this I don;t see why you would torture yourself with a child that doesn't know limits.

Diana - posted on 12/31/2009

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1. I would put him in underpants and make it a big deal. but take him to the potty every hour. My son was 2 1/2 at the time and learned over a weekend. with that said the mom needs to be on the same page as you.

2. put cousin to bed first. I do the samething with my 2 or I just put them in bed together at 9pm (3yrs & 1 yr) start a bedtime routine, it works...

3. time out on a chair in the corner or in his room works with my 3yr old and he hates being in his room cause we are all downstairs having fun. Try a marble jar...for things he does really good or whatever give him a marble, when he is bad take them away...have a prize for him or let him pick a prize when you start the jar for him to be reminded of. When the jar is full he gets the prize...small new toy or dinner at chuck e cheese is what mine wants. ie if he goes to bed with out anyone laying down with him and he stays in his bed all night he gets 5 marbles.

Good luck and I feel for you however he is not your kid...so mommy may or may not do any of this, in turn making your time a bit harder.

Christy - posted on 12/31/2009

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1.Potty Training- i would not let him run around naked at your house simply because this is teaching him that the only way he needs to use the potty is when he doesn't have clothes on. i would ask your aunt to buy him a pack of Pull-Ups or, better yet, cotton underwear so he will know when he starts to get wet. if she does bring the cotton underwear, maybe ask her to get some rubber pants too so that it doesn't ruin his pants if he has an accident. if you don't feel comfortable asking her to buy all that, maybe you could buy the stuff for at your house.



2.Bed Time- my first suggestion would be to try getting them both to bed a lot earlier. my 17 month old goes down at 8, which leaves me with some free time AND the opportunity to go to bed early. if you're pregnant, sleep needs to be high on your priority list. if it was me babysitting i would ask his bedtime to be adjusted at home so that he's easier for you to handle when he's with you.



3.Time Outs- i actually don't know what to tell you about this. i don't use time outs, they don't work for my daughter at all....

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