Know it alls

Amanda - posted on 08/11/2010 ( 37 moms have responded )

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Bit of a rant.

I currently have a house guest, or couch surfer if you prefer. Young guy, only 22 (i'm 34) and a friend and co-worker of my fiances. He'll go out and come back at all hours of the night and pass out on our extra couch. We're all pretty early risers, in part due to having a 2 yr old (her birthday today actually). She's entered the no volume control loud make your ears bleed squealing stage. He got upset with her today because she kept waking him up. I tried to tell him it's normal behavior for her age and he argued with me. She's a very happy high energy child so this new habit doesn't surprise me. I tell her not to squeal, quietly, and then ignore her. He's decided that she only squeals because i LET her, because i don't punish her by locking her in her room. States that he knows ALOT of 2 yr olds and NONE of them squeal. How often is he around them? Perhaps they aren't squealers or perhaps they just haven't done it when he's around them. Two children he named are his son and his niece. Both live here in the same city i do. He JUST got back from Montreal after being there for 6 months. Didn't see either child in all that time, so how can he say they don't squeal? I ended up ending the conversation by not responding anymore, just not talking to him. I want to smack him. Hell, her noisy phase this morning only lasted 15 or so minutes and now she's happily eating and irritating her 11 yr old sister. (by trying to stick pear slices up her nose apparently).

Am i alone in thinking this is a normal phase and it will pass? Every 2 yr old *I* know squeals to one degree or another....Both of my older children did it.....How can you expect a 2 yr old to have volume control???

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Cheryl - posted on 08/13/2010

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My two year old is doing the same thing right now..he started it a couple weeks ago. yea, its annoying, but I just remind him to use his "in door voice" half the time he listens, and half the time he don't..I would kick that guy out..it's too hard having kids and someone who dosn't understand how they work. My husband and I had a friend living with us and she was trying to tell me how to raise my son, she spanked my son without my permission for him pooping in his diaper!! I kicked her out..he was so traumatized by this that he would cry when he pooped in his diaper..now I realize why her daughter would hide when she went poop in her diaper or why she would poop in my sons closet. Some people just don't know who to handle children.

Dora - posted on 08/13/2010

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First of all you need to kick him out of your house. How dare he tell you how to treat your own child. Don't ever leave her in the same room with him alone. He sounds like a sick son of a B&^%$. That is just a smart idea locking a 2yr in their room by themselves. He has some nerve. That is cruel to do that to a child who is learning. Don't listen to him!

[deleted account]

Maybe he should go squat at the houses of those OTHER 2 year olds! My question is why are you even discussing this with him. It's your house, your child, and if he doesn't like her behavior, then go somewhere else. Why are you tolerating this man in your home?

Wendy - posted on 08/13/2010

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Hi, sounds like this guy needs to get off your couch and get a life!! All my children squeal, there ages are 5,3 and 14 months, believe me if i could stop them i would!! But it is a phase and not worth making to much fuss over, they are just kids after all. I don't know how locking them in there room would help except make everyone miserable.

Francine - posted on 08/12/2010

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I think I agree with everyone else. After having a "short-term" guest stay with us for 9 months... Kick him out. It sounds like he needs to learn how to live with a family, and he has to live by your rules. One of those should be that the entire house gets up early, if he doesn't like it, leave.

37 Comments

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Holly - posted on 08/25/2010

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ha, my 2 yr old is not a squealer he is a horn! and a stomper and also dare devil!! i have been right down that road with having a roommate that complain. it was funny, he had a toddler at that time that stayed with him with us off and on.. my 2 yr old wasn't even 1 yet and i have an 8 yr old that was 6 or 7 that was pretty loud with her laughing and running threw the house! if that guy is going to treat you like that, you look at him and tell him how it is and that you dont care what he says, your not making your 2 yr old do that to aggervat him and if he doesn't like your house with children then he can go sleep with the hobos! tell him if he doesn't want to be disturbed then maybe he shouldn't be going out at night and coming home early in the morning knowing you have kids that are loud! all kids are loud and its very hard to tell them to be quiet!

Amanda - posted on 08/19/2010

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it's been a bit over a week and the attempts to 'help' my daughter learn to behave have continued. More in the vein of 'don't jump on the couch near your new brother' (i gave birth on the 15th to my very very little boy). I did appreciate that help to some extent except when he got a bit heavy handed. It all came to a head today however when he walked in the door after work and i asked him what happened to my sons bike. (my son got a bike for his 13th birthday, a very expensive bike). He'd borrowed it, for a second time, without asking. And yet again he'd left it at a friends house. I lambasted him. Don't take things without asking, just don't do it. He actually gave me attitude, brought up his xbox 360 that my son had been using while he was away in montreal. we'd cleared it with him, and the system DID NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE. How the hell can he compare the two? So i told him that if he can't do something as simple as ask before he uses things that do not belong to him then he can get the hell out of my house. He chose to pack up and leave. My fiance didn't back me so much as stay quiet and he pouted and acted like an ass for an hour or so afterwards, seems better now however. i think perhaps he realizes it's for the best. I just cannot handle this guys 12 yr old behavior as well as a toddler and newborn. I feel so much....lighter.

Jeanna - posted on 08/19/2010

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Yes, it is normal for young kids to want to squeal. I have children 13, 6, 4 and 2. When we are having fun time, tickle time, etc then we all do squealing and screaming. But, the children know their "inside voice" and "outside voice". There are times they are inside and need to understand that it is not appropriate for loud noises. You probably don't mind because they are your children but that doesn't mean people in public want to or should have to listen to it. I have kids and I don't like to hear kids screaming in public, especially my own!
On the other hand, it is your house and your little girl should be allowed to do whatever you allow her to do. I would tell your guest if he doesn't like it then go get a hotel. Otherwise, when he starts paying you room and board then you may listen to his complaints. If not, then shut the heck up! And, happy belated birthday to your little girl!!

Louise - posted on 08/18/2010

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I'm sorry but whos business is it that your child squeals or not? Who cares?!!! She''s 2! Tell that "house guest" or "sponger" to get to France!! who does he think he is telling you how to bring up your kids - he obv doesn't know what kids do and are like if he hasn't bothered to see his own family in all that time.
I have a 2 year old son and I am still trying to look for the volume button - any ideas??!!!! he sqeals - shouts and talks loud most of the time - my friends sons is exactly the same. i don't think they understand what the normal tone of voice is (wish he would hurry up though - feel like i'm always shaying sshhhh, or speak quieter.)!!
Hope this helps Amanda, you are not alone and tell your UNWELCOME house guest to BEAT IT!!!!!

Louise x x

Rebecca - posted on 08/18/2010

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Lets just say that after he took a squeaky book from my soon-to-be 2 yr old he wasn't surfing on our couch anymore. We politely asked him to find another couch to surf on far, far away from our children...of course that was after the mother's instinct took over & I chewed him out.

Terianne - posted on 08/18/2010

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actually i just noticed too you only said she's squealing. that doesn't even mean whining. if she's simply excited and squeals with excitement then i see NO problem at all with it. she's still learning what's socially acceptable (ie. indoor or outdoor voices).

I wouldn't expect a two year old to have volume control. i wouldn't punish her or scold her for simply being a child (i just disagree with what your couch surfer said about that)

i think to help her learn and become aware of the sounds of voices. when she starts getting loud, YOU start getting quite. start whispering and she'll probably wonder what you're doing and get curious. i don't know if it would make her whisper but it'll at least get her more aware of voice volumes and such.

good luck!

Terianne - posted on 08/18/2010

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My son has moments of loud noises but he's not really a squealer so to speak... he only seems to really get loud if he's tired or hungry, or worse yet, if he's tired and hungry and I'M also tired! lol.

Children tend to act this way for a couple of reasons. 1. power. 2. attention.

if you give into whatever they're yelling for then that gives them power, if you give them attention (let it be positive or negative) then they well, get attention... it sounds to me though, like it really is just a faze with your daughter apposed to a "behavior issue" or whatever. if it was more so power or attention she would have gone on for a LOT longer than only 15 minutes. i'd be a lot more concerned if it was a more consistent thing and lasting hours or such. it sounds to me like she's more so going through a faze and simply also testing boundaries. also, kids love the sound of their voice. (also, i personally would NOT lock a two year old in their room. just my thoughts. even just to word it differently "time out in your bedroom for two minutes" sounds SO much better than "lock her in her room" bleh)

my son is almost three and i found he did START do whine a LOT... but i was able to kind of bite that in the but. If he started to act like that i would say something like (and i know this may sound a bit mean) "i'm sorry i can't hear you? are you saying something? i can only hear nice sounds and nice voices" my son learned VERY quickly that if he wants to ask for something or tell me something that he needs to use his "nice voice" the first couple of times he would whine and cry or whatever. but i'd just repeat over and over "i'm sorry buddy i can only hear nice sounds, you let me know when you're ready to use your nice voice" i was actually really shocked how quickly he picked up on it. he calmed down, very politely turned to me and said "mommy can i please do this" or whatever he was asking form. i got very happy and excited, grabbed him in a big hug, gave him kisses said things like "wow! i love your nice voice! thank you for using your nice voice" and then i heard him out on what he was trying to tell/ask me.

also on a side note, JUST because he uses a nice voice does NOT mean i "give in" usually i try not to give a flat out "no" so if he asks for say a treat before dinner i'll say something like "wow! thank you for asking so nicely! i love your nice voice. well right now is not a time for a treat, we're going to have dinner. would you like to [insert distraction: watch a show, color, help wash the carrots ext]"

it seems to work well with him and he knows now HOW to properly get attention he needs/wants

Shayna - posted on 08/18/2010

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Why would you allow some one so rude and disrespectful to stay in your home, that is the real question? Why should you or your daughter have to walk on egg shells in YOUR own home to make him happy?! Of course it's normal for 2 year olds to be hyper, playfull and loud. You can't expect them to sit around ever so politely and quietly waiting for this 'house guest' to wake up!!!

Rebecca - posted on 08/17/2010

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I understand completely. My husband and I made the same mistake...we took in a couch surfer who tried to run our lives. The squealing is normal. Like you I have an almost 2 year old, we still have a month left before his bday, and 2 older children. All of mine are either in or have been through this stage. AS you have stated he obviously isn't really in touch with many 2 year olds or he would know this was normal. Just keep doing what you are doing and ignoring it mostly and it will be just what you think it is...a stage & it will pass but if he keeps making so much of it & she sees this as a way of getting extra attention it will last that much longer!

Amanda - posted on 08/17/2010

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I agree with you totally, my three almost 4 yr old son still squeals like that and we have tried to get him to stop but its not like he does it all the time...your daughter sounds completly normal and i also agree with wanting to smake this guy, I am only 23 but for one he should not be telling you what to do in your house, he should not be coming all hours of the night with you having small children and he should definaltly respect your space and your athority of YOUR children NOT his...so maybe you should talk to your husband about this guy, if he ever got upset at my child I wouldn't be long kicking him out of the house...and it sounds like your are royally fet up with him...anyway good luck and he is wrong!! not you!!!

[deleted account]

my daughter (almost 14 months) does this already. i'd say its pretty normal. theyre learning, theyre pushing their boundaries. he's a guest in your house, if he has a problem with the way your child acts, he can leave. dont let him make you think for even a second that your child isnt normal. what isnt normal is a grown man having to live on his friends couch...

Nicolette - posted on 08/16/2010

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Yes my daughter squeals all the time, totally normal, don't let this guy tell you any different. Sounds like he has out atsyed his welcome. If I was in your position I would sit with him and explain that this is your house and you are kindly letting him stay and you wouls appreciate it if he didn'tl put his 2 cents wirth in. It's not his house and he has no right to tell you how to parent your children. Kick him out. Good luck

Blueeyeddisaster - posted on 08/15/2010

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She had the baby!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'll let her tell you the details but i couldn't hold it in anymore :D

Serena - posted on 08/15/2010

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First of all, I agree with everyone else about the whole couch surfing thing. Perhaps he could have come at the situation a little differently which would have not had to have put on the defensive. We all have that "mama lion" (as I call it) to defend our children. I would like to say they quiet down but my child is going to be 4 in a month and though (thank God) we are out of the squealing phase he finds other ways to be just as loud. My brother-in-law is staying the weekend with us and I know I find myself trying to keep my early risers quiet, though I know he understands. Its just part of being the hostess I think. What if when the kids wake up he could go sleep maybe on an air mattress or something in their room, something with a door, until he can find another house with its own doors preferably far away from you LOL.
I know its easier said than done but I wouldn't give him much more thought. It sounds like you are doing an excellent job with your children and good luck with the new baby. I have three under the age of 4, my babies are 9 months apart and I can tell you its not easy, but worth it.

Ashley - posted on 08/14/2010

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My daughter is the loudest child I have ever heard, and I have had many people tell me she is louder than most other 2 yr olds. Ever since the day she was born she was very loud, and now that she is 2, she knows how to use her lungs very well, and definitely does just that. I explain to her about using an indoor voice, but I don't think she gets that concept yet, and even if she does, it's very hard for her to be any quieter (im not gonna lie, she gets that from me) So yes, tell your roomie to look at all these posts and he will see that it is completely normal.

Jennifer - posted on 08/14/2010

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very normal my two year old screams daily and I remind him to use his inside voice but the more attention I give the squealling the more her does it so the ignore method is great most of the time and then it stops. the other thing is this I only see it necissary to make a big deal out if the behavior if we are in public like the library! because at my house at least he is enjoying himself and learning to expore new things. hope this helps.

[deleted account]

Your house guest has some nerve complaining when you're giving him a place to stay! He obviously has no experience with toddlers. If he's dissatisfied with your accommodations, maybe it's time for him to leave.

Blueeyeddisaster - posted on 08/14/2010

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@ Rebecca Kesler .. because one of those 2 other children his his own son that he barely does anything for ... and the other is MY friend's daughter .. and he's already burnt that bridge...

Amanda - posted on 08/13/2010

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I wasn't discussing as much as defending my position. I know full well this is a normal phase but i suppose i needed some backing on that. I'm due to pop out another little munchkin in t-minus 11 days....so i'm moody and hormonal and not myself. He's an idiot, plain and simple. Had a HUGE blowup with my fiance yesterday and i think it disturbed our couchpotato....he doesn't seem to keen on being here anymore. Maybe he'll just leave and prevent an irritating scene. One can hope. He did say, yesterday, that he doesn't mind the actual squealing. It's the super high pitch, almost make your ears bleed frequency she reaches (which is what woke him up) and i understand that, it's hard on my ears too. HOWEVER that doesn't give him the right to tell me how to handle it. I've made my position clear and i'm willing to give him one more chance as this is the first time he's pulled that kind of bullshit. Normally he's sweet and nice to her, calls her his niece, and wouldn't dream of trying to punish her, he comes to us if he thinks something needs our attention. If that weren't the case then yes, by god, he'd be out no matter what my fiance says. But i'm only willing to bend so far, and i think he realizes this now. My patience is severely stretched with being hormonal from this pregnancy, and that won't change once i have a newborn in the house. Quiet the opposite.

[deleted account]

It is a normal phase and yes it will pass. HOWEVER, you need to kick his sorry butt out and do it today. I wouldn't care who he is or even if my husbands job was in jeopardy. He needs to go and go today.

good luck and god bless

Jen - posted on 08/12/2010

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every child squeals if he dnt like it hard luck dnt let himtell ya ur not doing a gud job if he dnt like it tell him where to go

Heather - posted on 08/12/2010

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I agree with everything the other ladies are saying. He sounds like a real douchebag.

Melissa - posted on 08/12/2010

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I have been an early childhood teacher for 10 years and also a mother of 3. They all squeal, and he does not get an opinion. I would not allow him to even stay there. Let him know where the door is since it bothers him so much!

Laura - posted on 08/12/2010

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my 2 year old screames my house down...is normal..they have found there voice and are going to use it..i would pack ur guest bag and tell him to come back when he realises that he lives in a house with children..good luck xx

Corinne - posted on 08/12/2010

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Pack his bags and show him the door. Your house, family, way of living is being turned upside down because of an outsider? I've shown family members the door for a whole lot less. And yes, you're right, it is a phase, unfortunately now that my 2yr old has started it, my 4yr old has taken it up again! x

Blueeyeddisaster - posted on 08/12/2010

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I'm telling you .. he needs to be kicked out he is using you and your home! He does not care about any one but himself and has proved that time and time again... does he not still owe you for the last time he stayed with you??? He will continue to take advantage and after the new guy comes ... it will be far too difficult to deal with his smart ass .. get ride of him.. teach him about REAL life for once. He should have stayed in Montreal at least him not seeing his son or paying me child support is easier to handle from across the country!!!! Hes a waste of air dead beat dad!!

Amanda - posted on 08/12/2010

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it's not so much that i'm listening to his criticism as i'm unable to shut him out. he's very vocal when he gets going. currently he is staying for 'free' but he's going back to work soon (working with my fiance again as he's lucky enough to have gotten his original job back). hoping he can save up enough to go get his own place but until then the original agreement we had LAST time he slept on our couch will stand. $300 a month to help cover food and bills while he's here. sadly last time lasted 6 months, until he went to montreal (where he got stuck for 6 months as opposed to the intended 1-2 month family visit). Sometimes i wish they'd kept him. I miss my semi quiet house where i could walk around @ night in my undies if i wanted to. sigh.

Julie - posted on 08/12/2010

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He's lying. He's never been around two year olds for any length of time. They're noisy, even if they aren't squealers! My son is going through a percussionist phase and I just try to redirect him to "tapping" on stuff that is NOT breakable;)

Are you providing him a free place to crash? Your house, your rules. Tell him to go buy a set of earplugs!

Kim - posted on 08/12/2010

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My 20 month squeals with delight too. I believe that this is normal behaviour. Wondering why you are listening to criticism from someone who can't figure out how to take care of himself (as evidenced by his "couch surfing)", let alone take care of a toddler. If he doesn't like your kid's squealing, then maybe he should get his own place & spend time with his own kid. Sheesh!

Blueeyeddisaster - posted on 08/11/2010

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WOW!!! Yes my son squeals ALL THE TIME!!! and his niece as well... Its just things like this that really back up my theory of he just does not care, his son is just a front to pick up women. he has no idea what its like to have a child or be around children. Its sickening! I'm sorry you have to deal with him .. I'd kick him out he's a low life and deserves to be treated like one.. especially after arguing with you and getting upset at a 2 year old ON HER BIRTHDAY! just wrong :(

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