Mom knows best, Not the single woman with no kids in the frozen section.

Kelsey - posted on 02/20/2010 ( 31 moms have responded )

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I don't know if any one else has had this problem but I really need to get this off my chest. If you see me in the grocery store with my 3 yr old daughter and my 3 month old son and I'm am trying to discipline my daughter to learn the right way to act in the store please do not stare or make snotty comments on my parenting skills. If you have or have had a young child, you know they are not always angels and It's not fair for me to feel like I can't discipline my daughter in public because everyone has there own opinions on how it should be done. In Idaho I've heard you can have your child taken away from you if anyone even sees you tap your kids hand. My daughter is pretty well behaved now, but if you have opinions, keep them to YOURSELF!!!! It isn't as easy as you think to comfort a crying 3 month old and keep your 3 year old in check. Please try to be a little more respectful and understanding.

31 Comments

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Angela - posted on 03/01/2010

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i agree i just say if your gonna stare then help me with her if not move the hogwash on

Stacey - posted on 03/01/2010

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Before I had kids I was probably one of these narrow-minded people who tut at the tantruming kids and flustered mums, but now I have 2 of my own I completely sympathize and don't give a damn what anyone thinks if my kids have a screaming strop in the middle of the supermarket, because they definetly arent the only ones!

Brandi - posted on 02/27/2010

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I hear you. When my daughter was about one and half or two years old, I had to take her out of the store and I took her right outside the door at the store and we had a VERY serious chat. One that I have only ever had to have with her 1 other time that described EXACTLY how I expect her to behave in the store and EXACTLY what will NOT be tolerated and you wouldn't believe the looks a couple of people gave me on their way into the store. It was as if they thought I was being too harsh on her (I wasn't yelling, just very stern. I made her give me an apology and she was told to behave while we were in the store when we went back in). I'm sorry, but if they had witnessed the bad behavior, I would have gotten dirty looks for that, too, as if I have NO control over my "little brat". I think either way, moms are screwed when it comes to how our kids behave in public. People don't want to be bothered by our loud screaming kids, but they don't want to see what is necessary to prevent it either. :-)

Andria - posted on 02/27/2010

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I understand 100%. I feel like this...We were raised and brought up w/ the fact that if you mouthed off you got popped!!! Mom & pops didn't put up w/any back talk or any "shit". I didn't have to worry about having metal detectors in my school.. Look at todays society...My kids are almost scared to go to school...they are 13, 9 & 1. Imagine how the world is gonna be when my 1 year old is in school...smack them in the mouth when gettin lippy, smack their ass when not listening, that is not abuse it is simple discipline!!! My kids & yours will not be in juvey at age 13 or above :) good lookin on the discipline as far as I'm concerned. And GOOD LUCK!!!

Kara - posted on 02/27/2010

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Maybe it is because I live in WY and it is a real western state but anytime I have to discipline my son in a store, I get lots of comforting looks from people. I am a big believer in instant punishment for misbehavior and so when my 2 year old son is being a poop I just make him sit on the floor, no matter where we are. We did it last week in the checkout line at the grocery store. I let the lady behind me go ahead of me but just just laughed and told me what a good job I was doing and how much she appreciated seeing mom diciplining their child. I think if people are getting crabby then they have the issues not us. I'm pretty sure that making my son a good human is more important than a little embarassment or inconvenience and if they can't understand that then they need to get a life.

Crystal - posted on 02/26/2010

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I have been there and done that!! They have laws now about abusing your children that they didn"t have back then(and you know the best way back then was either a back of a hand or a belt or a switch)but yet it always seems to be the older people who give the dirty looks and the rotten comments. Why is that!!

Crystal - posted on 02/26/2010

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I to have a 3 year old daughter and she can and has been a hand full in the grocery store. I've found it hard my self trying to in line. So, When people start making comment on our perenting skill makes it even harder for us a moms to teach our kids right from wrong.

Samantha - posted on 02/26/2010

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I agree Jenifer! There is a line. Children should not be disciplined when they have done nothing wrong. When my almost 3yr misbehaves in the store I let him cry while walking around shopping. I dont care who hears him. I use cookie trick sometimes. Open a box and pay for them at the register. When I take him to target I tell him if he reeeeally behaves for mommy he can have a present. I bought him a Buzz Light Year toy half way through our shopping and let him open it up and carry it around the store and just gave the cashier the box when we were checking out. Kept him happy and pleasant for days to come. I also let him take ONE toy into the store where ever we go. That usually keeps him content

Samantha - posted on 02/26/2010

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My sister and I were in wal mart when her 2 1/2 yr old daughter threw a tantrum in the check out isle. Waling her arms everywhere kicking and screaming. She ignored as she threw herself under an empty register. Some people stared in disbelief that she ignored her/LET her scream like that. You could tell who didnt and who DID have children. Because the ones who DID have children watched and chuckled and nodded their heads while the others gave us dirty looks.
All children learn differently. Tough love...some children respond to a spank and others time out. You gotta go w/ the flow of each individual child and any decent parent will know that what works for THEIR child might not work for ALL children and therefore should not judge in certain parenting methods.
What ALWAS bothered me is when someone who does NOT have children will ask how youre doing or feeling and you respond with" well, exhausted. havent slept in about 47 hrs" and the respond with " welcome to parenthood" WTF?!?!?! YOU are not in parenthood. YOU have no idea. Therefore YOU dont get to welcome me into it!!!!
Those who do not have children should never open their mouths about things they know nothing about!

Erin - posted on 02/26/2010

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My son had a huge tantrum in the grocery store the other day. It was the worst he ever had in public. All because I wouldn't buy peanut butter. My favorite is comments from people who have no kids. It must be even harder with 2 children. I bet you're a great mom.

Lizz - posted on 02/25/2010

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I was sitting in the mall with my 5 month old and 15 yr old, I had dropped his pacifier on the ground, picked it up cleaned it with a wipey and gave it back, he dropped it again, then i was holding it and I dropped it, some old lady walked by said "don't put that back in his mouth, I said Lady i have 4 kids dont worry I know what I am doing, If it wasn't so gross I would have put it in my mouth and smirked at her, The nerve of some people just make me laugh sometimes, I don't even care anymore, As a parent you can never be good enough when you are in public, so I don't care, if you don't like my parenting you do better, you wouldn't last a minute in my shoes!

Michelle - posted on 02/24/2010

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I hate when people give me looks when my kids either act up or I'm disciplining them. I usually have a comment of my own for them b/c I have a big mouth. There's no reason for them to look at me like that. Raising kids isn't like playing house & people need to realize that.

Amy - posted on 02/23/2010

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The people that make faces when you get onto your kids are the same ones who would complain if you didn't. I would much rather see someone discipline their child in an appropriate manner than let them be snotty little terrors.

Desiree - posted on 02/23/2010

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Spanking is not abuse... Unless it's excessive. You should never smack a child in the face! I think that is so degrading! And a baby??? They definately don't understand! I save my 4 year old's spankings for the car. I tell her if she doesn't straighten up she's getting a spanking when we get to the car. That usually fixes the problem. I usually don't have to spank her, just tell her I'm going to. When I do, you just barely even have to touch her and it's the end of the world! She acts like you stabbed her in the head. My friend's 16 month old son has hit her harder than I do and it doesn't faze her!
There was an older lady in Target one day (while I worked there) that yelled at some man for popping his little boy on the butt for running away from him. She went outside the store and called the police, and all the officer did was look at the woman for a minute then say "If it had been my child, he would have gotten it worse!" And that was it. What are you supposed to do? It is the scariest feeling looking down and your child has disappeared. And then if someone else picked them up and left with them...? I think a spanking will make them think twice about running off again. One little spanking is no where near as horrible as the things that people take children will do to them!!! I don't understand why these older people think it's so horrible when they got spanked in SCHOOL AND at home! Some of them were beat with a rubber milking hose and sent to bed without dinner and things like that. You'd think they wouldn't think anything of spanking your child!

Amy - posted on 02/23/2010

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I agree with Baidra! My soon to be 3yr. son can be very difficult in public an maybe once instead of having looks of judgement, to have someone give you some sign it will be ok and your doin fine would be so up lifting sometimes.

[deleted account]

I hear you...my toddler is all about pushing limits..and he's a smart little bugger too. So he chooses to do his worst listening when were out. Unfortunately for him he has a mom that has no problem finding a corner in the grocery store for him to sit in to find his listening ears again. Or throwing him (not literally) in the shopping cart until I'm finished shopping. I think what bothers me the most is the comments I get from people about having him harnessed. I never used to have him harnessed until he got away from me and ran out onto the street of one of the busiest roads in the city we live in. Luckily for that very moment there was no cars there. It was a miracle but I learned my lesson. Anytime we go for a walk after that he's got his harness that way he can have his "freedom" when we're walking and I don't have to worry about him running onto the street or in front of a car. When he gets old enough to pay more attention to whats going on around him and listens to me better I'll take it off.

Desiree - posted on 02/23/2010

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Lol, everyone that has kids has that problem! Try taking a 4 year old and two 7 month old twin boys to the grocery store!!! She's trying to run away, their crying... She's grabbing at random things on the shelves just because she thinks you're not paying attention... Some old lady walked by me once and said to herself "some people need to learn how to get their children under control!" That was while both boys were crying. I turned around and said "Ok lady, here ya go! You go ahead and hold both of the boys, hold my daughter's hand and push both of these carts!" She just looked at me for a second and then walked away. I was so mad! Like I can control the boys' crying?! The nerve of some people.

K.C. - posted on 02/23/2010

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I have absolutely no problem disciplining my daughter in public. She is a very well behaved lil girl but once in a while, like all toddlers, she does act up. I love those looks and play on it a bit. My lil girl is one tough cookie. She never cries. Not if smacked and not when a dog ripped a nice hole in her face. So, for me to hit her means nothing. When she does get out of control and I'm am threatening her with consequences and I see that disapproving look from a complete stranger I often bring that complete stranger into a conversation. I'd say something like-This is your last warning, if you don't be good I'm going to smack you really hard so that lady sees. When I'm really heated I'll add- and if she says anything I'm going to smack you again for her sake. The lady then usually runs away and my daughters focus is then on the lady and she simply forgets what she is doing. It brightens my day and brings me back to normal. This probably isn't really recommended but I'm not that conventional. I laughed hard on the inside whilst we were at the checkout once and my daughter said 'I want a new Mummy'. Without skipping a beat I said well you better hurry up and pick one because I've got to go home and you'll have to go home with your new mummy. Then I' got a funny look from some lady so I quick as a blink I added 'what about her. She looks like like a Mum that would know everything and never have a naughty child'. My daughter responded with 'no, I want you. Take me home with you'. It was hilarious. It put the lady back in her place and sorted out my daughter without any aggression.

Markisha - posted on 02/22/2010

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My 2yearold fell out in taco bell one night cause i wouldn't let her eat some candy they had on the counter. So i pop her on the butt and told her thats not how we act. The old men standing behind me told me i shold be ashamed of myself. I told him enless you want to be smacked to let me raise my child. I told him as long as i feed,clothe, and provided for this one he has nothing to say to me.

Kelsey - posted on 02/22/2010

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I found the little cardboard boxes of gold fish work WONDERS lol. I love the reply from Jennifer, I had to swat my daughter on the butt one day because she took off on me in the grocery store, which was packed at the time, because all I could think was someone could snatch her up and Id never see her again. I got a LOT of looks but she never did it again and jenifer never came up and swatted me back, lol, but I could NEVER under any circumstance ever hit either of my children in the face. That is HORRIBLE. I really don't understand how some mothers could look their babies in the face and do that to them. I understand spanking, my kids have it good compared to the belt I got when I was a kid for really bad things, but when you put your hands on your child on the face or anywhere for that matter besides their rump you need a serious reality check on what abuse is, I don't care how bad they are misbehaving, kids DON'T deserve that.

Janet - posted on 02/22/2010

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I know exactly how you feel. I have a three 3yr old daughter and a 2 month old daughter and when you try to discipline you always have that thought in the back of your mind, I'm I doing this right? Everyone just looks at you and never praises you for doing or trying to do the right things, it's very hard emotionally. I usually buy Alissa a fruit cup when we get in the store and then everyone looks at you like you stole it when you have already paid for it and it keeps her happy and not asking for a lot of food that you don't need or junk food she doesn't need. I agree with you 100% people should give us some benefit for trying to look after our own children.

[deleted account]

Jenifer - I wish:
1. I was there to see it
2. I had the guts to do it myself (certainly would have thought about it)
3. And I wish that was all it took to get her to stop :(
Good for you for sticking up for those kids!

Jenifer - posted on 02/21/2010

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I don't have an issue with disciplining your kids in the store, as long as you're not hitting them or something. I'm a mom of 2 and I completely understand where you are coming from. I usually just leave the store if it gets to be more then a little tantrum.

But I gotta tell you... Years ago( before I even had my own kids. my oldest is 10). I was in a department store and I saw a woman slap her kid in the face and yell at the baby - who was maybe 2 or 3 years. (the little one wasn't screaming or being a brat or anything. He/she was just sitting there in the shopping cart!!) I walked over to the woman, tapped her on the shoulder and slapped her in her face. (wish I had a photo of her face after that too) Then I called the police on her for hitting her kid. I gave a statement & she was arrested! There's a line you don't cross with kids. Discipline is one thing, but slapping a little one like that (for no reason that I could see and I was right next to them in the clothing section... like she was at one rack and I was at the one next to it...), is completely unnecessary. Bet she never hit her kid again!

Helen - posted on 02/21/2010

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awww....we were all kids once and if lucky have had kids of our own so if they don't understand and have a problem with what my kids are doing or how I'm parenting, that sucks for them cause that is one problem they are going to have to deal with themselves cause I couldn't care less.

Robin - posted on 02/21/2010

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Heehee...how about crossing our eyes, could mean a few things..all in reference to how crazy this all is :)

Robin - posted on 02/21/2010

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Yeah, because it's hard enough raising children without someone making you feel as though your inadequate for the job. Anyway, it would be nice to have a secret-toddler-mom-support-look, or an "it's okay, I understand" look. Sometimes, I catch some mom's eye and depending on whose child is acting up..there does seem to be an exchange of familiarity between us..and support. Those moments are priceless!

[deleted account]

I think about that alot, esp if I am out & about without my son and I see another mom going through some behavior issue with their kid. I wish I could give them a look that says: I know, I have a toddler too. You are doing great!

Robin - posted on 02/21/2010

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A--MEN!! My 2 year old son was having a full-blown fit in a grocery store and I couldn't believe the hairy eyeballs I was getting from some people..mostly older women!! One employee (bless her) tried very hard to get him distracted enough to calm down..but with the exception of her..I got alot of non-verbal disapproval. I agree...unless you're me (or you) respect that these are your kids and you have the right to teach them how to behave when they are not. You can't teach them when you get home...they will have forgotten by then. I just stare back and DARE them to comment...usually they keep their opinions to themselves.

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