My 3 LG doesn't want to go to school cos she is scared of her teacher, what do I do?

Tauro - posted on 07/19/2011 ( 9 moms have responded )

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My LG is 3,and just started pre-school yesterday. When we left her at school her first day, she was so happy and hyped just to go to school, that she did not cry and neither did she look for us after we left.
the trouble started during lunch when she refused to eat her lunch, i made a surprise visit to check on her, and I asked her if she wanted to eat, and she said no. So problem solved right? wrond, it went downhill from there, I did leave but she said she wanted to go home.. When I went to pick her up, she ran to me crying and said, mummy I'm so happy to see you.. The whole evening, she kept saying she didn't want to go to school. Her dad and I kept encouraging the school topic, even put on the Barney school DVD, but she didn't change her mind. When we got there, we managed to get her into the school with no hassles, but as soon as we reached her classroom, she started to cry. She said she would rather stand outside the classroom in the grassy area or go for a walk. All this has happened, and I had no doubts thinking its just separation anxiety. I called he school later that day, and we were told that she was fine, she had eaten her snack, no hassles, enjoyed her ballet class. When I did go collect her at 4.30, she was asleep, but very sniffly and again she said she was happy to see me.. The assistant then told me that the teacher started her potty training today and my baby had wet her pants. That morn she went to school with long top a ruffle skirt, knee length tights, leg warmers, socks and shoes. I was shocked to see her in just the top and skirt. apparently the teacher had removed her daiper and put the rest of her clothes on therefore she wee'd in the tights to her shoes.. Finding that a tad bit strange, the assistant didn't know much english. when we got to the car, my baby tells me the floor was so cold cos she had no sock or shoes on yet i had packed 2 extra sets of clothes with socks! when we got into the car, she says mummy i don't want to go to school bcos i'm scared of my teachers. so she says that the teacher held her knees and body tight and it was paining(these are her words) so I say, really, did it hurt alot, she didn't answer, then I ask again what did the teacher do, and she say (surprisingly) nothing mummy, they didn't do anything.. this all suddenly in a 'upbeat' voice. so we talked some more about school. At home, I give her a bath and supper and broach the subject again, cos i'm now starting to get worried. first she says again, nothing happened.. then after a while I ask again about the holding tightly bit and the she says in a very tiny voice that she is scared of the teachers - i as y, she says cos the do things to me that i don't like (i'm at a loss for words, my heart is in my throat) and again she says the thing with the teacher was holding her knees and body tight and it was paining. I think that I should take her out of school now, before her hopes and beliefs about school are trashed or will i be running away from the issue. I intend to take this up with the school tommorrow, but i need to make a decision tonight whether i should let my LG carry on going to school or stay at home and wait until she's older.. HELP

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Tauro - posted on 07/19/2011

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i think they are cos she told me that she was cryig at lunch time so the teacher told her' stop crying and eat your food, you are not a baby' my poor baby said ok, stopped crying and the teacher fed her her food, but i know she ate out of fear. i was contemplating whether to speak to just the teacher, but i think i will have a meeting with the teacher and principal. also when i picked her up from school, the assistant was there and told me my lg was asleep. she was under a blanket so i could't tell, but when she heard my voice she threw off the blanket and jumped into my arms. realised that she didn't sleep at all for the half hour she was lying there, scared to bits and sweating profusely under the blanket. my heart just breaks thinking about it. i should hv picked her up on time, she she wouldn't hv gone through all that.

she likes the school, and everything about it, but when she goes near her classroom, she totally freaks out. prob is they only hv one potty training classroom. thank you for the advice, really appreciated. may hv to look at another school... or potty train her myself and send her back next year..:(

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Catriona - posted on 08/01/2011

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I would definitely go further with this issue, its crazy. You are doing the right thing. Your poor little girl. Good luck :)

Juli - posted on 07/31/2011

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In my opinion there is definitely something strange going on there. I would take it up with the school for the other kids well being and NEVER let her return there again.

Tauro - posted on 07/31/2011

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I'm so glad you have shared my sentiments.. I really thought I had made the wrong decision in taking her out of school, but my instinct was so something was wrong..

I did have a meeting with the princy but she seemed to understand what i was telling her and we then spoke to the teacher, I explained to her what my daughter said to me and explained to them that kids in general don't like to be forced to do things cos we practice free will at home, meaning that we explain to our LG what she needs to do, and then shes does it, and we do disciplne using the naughty corner which works like u cannot beleive! Then the princy went over to my LG who was being carried by her father outside the office.. and the princy then addresses my LG like an adult saying.. We had a little chat yesterday, and what did I tell you' I was so shocked cos they didnot mention that to me the day before when I called the school! I cut her off then cos by then my LG was terrified and crying to no end.. ( seriously guys, I am not exaggerating) it was unbeleivable .. All said, we decided to leave her in school that day , I told the teacher I will stay awhile. Unfort my LG didn't calm down at all, she was so afraid of the teacher, so another teacher from the 4yr class took her to her class, and surprise surprise.. my LG went willingly, the crying stopped and she was fine.. I left her in school with a heavy heart.. I just wanted to take her home with me... the princy called me around 2.30 to say my LG was fine and she stopped crying and had gone back to her class.. I was relieved.. when we went to pick her up from school, she ran to us crying and said again, I'm so happy to c u.. She then told us about her day in school, her teacher had told her' stop crying, I don't like it' and I think they scared her so much that she had gone back to her class in fear.. that evening, itold my husband, I cannot send her back to the school.. she is too scared, she doesn't eat in school, and she doesn't sleep at night until she tells me, mummy i don't want to go to school. from being so excited to go to school and being scared of it in 3 hours.. she had lost 1 kg in 3 days cos she never used to eat, when we told the princy that she says its normal for first-timers at school!

I'm glad to say that I am potty traing and home-schooling and its working out great! my LG is happy and carefree ..



as for the school, they seem to think they doing the right thing, my cousins 2 kids go to the same school, and their mum says the girls cried for 3MONTHS before they got settled.. I said no way should any child take that long to get used to school. The schools answer to all the kids crying is 'seperation anxiety'

I am going to take this up with the board..

Tru - posted on 07/30/2011

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WOW! It´s obvious that this is not a good start for ur girl and the teacher is in the wrong to force her in that way. First of they are not suppose to do any kind of toilet training without talking to you and finding out what method you are using. So I would say that you should look into this looney teacher cause this behaviour is just WRONG. And you should not force her to go to school if she´s scared of the person she´s suppose to look up to and learn from. Good luck and hope all works out in the end regardsTru

Brandy - posted on 07/29/2011

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the thing about that bothers me is that your child is afraid even when you come to pick her up, even if shes unhappy with the rules its the staffs responsibility to comfort the child and try to make them feel included, you dont yell at children or talk to them harshly when you work in child care and unfortunatly some childcare providers do try to intimidate children into following rules and in my opinion have no business working with children to begin with, its one of those things that just really upset me. and regardless of what you do i encourage you to bring that to the teacher's boss' attention, because they will watch for that and if there have been other complaints she may be repremanded for it or lose her license which if its that bad then she should. school is supposed to be a calm and safe learning environment not a prison or boot camp

Joy - posted on 07/25/2011

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I agree with Samantha. I'd also have issues with them starting to potty train my LO. She doesn't sound like she's ready or wants to do it, but some schools require children to be potty trained before they go to school -and some don't.

Samantha - posted on 07/25/2011

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I would definitely address the issues with the centre and not send her until you are either happy that they will change the way they treat her, or you can find a place that will treat her the way she needs to be treated. Personally I see that you have two choices. One, find a place that works for you and your child, and keep persevering through the separation anxiety, or keep her at home. Children aren't always ready to go out into the big wide world. Yes, they love the play and the being social and everything else about the 'school' environment, but that doesn't always mean that's the best place for them. My eldest is almost 6 and in her prep year here in Australia. She's never been to daycare or kindy or anything, socialises well with friends, speaks clearly and easily with all ranges of ages of people and we now homeschool her, mostly because I believe that the best people to train and educate a child are the parents. I'm not saying this option is necessarily for you, just that its wise to think about ALL your options and not feel you have to do something just because its the accepted norm. You and your family may have different needs to everyone else. All the best with it, it sounds like a pretty distressing situation to be in.

Brandy - posted on 07/19/2011

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im wondering if they are restraining her to prevent a fit, i worked in preschool for years and all of this sounds awful to me, i would definatly talk to the directer about it and find out what all the rules and policies are. maybe if its just the classroom she could go to another class with different teachers but instead of taking her out of school all together you should check out a different place even if its through a church or a daycare that provides a very structured environment. before you choose a place find out what there policies are, i personally feel that some of these preschools are to strict on the kids, i know i dont want my daughter in a place where they force her to eat her lunch etc its so unnecissary

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