MY DAUGHTER TOLD ME SHE HATES ME :(

Heather - posted on 10/23/2009 ( 13 moms have responded )

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SO TO ALL THE MOMS OUT THERE I NEED ADVISE!! MY DAUGHTER WAS MISBEHAVING QUIET A BIT TODAY AND FINALLY HAD TO BREAK DOWN AND SPANK HER BOTTOM AND GIVE HER SOME TIME TO HERSELF...BEFORE I COULD LEAVE THE ROOM SHE WAS TRYING TO THROW THINGS AT ME AND TOLD ME THAT SHE HATES ME...SHE IS ALMOST FOUR (ON MONDAY) IS SHE JUST GOING THROUGH A HARD STAGE OR AM I DOING SOMETHING WRONG!!!!!???? PLEASE HELP I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO TO GET HER BEHAVIOR HEADED IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION!!!!

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[deleted account]

I child terms I hate You means you are doing a good job lol. they "hate" you at the moment because they really "hate" the restrictions that you are implimenting. Try to answer her with well I LOVE you and thats why you cannot behave like this. If she continues to throw a fit its the perfect time to vaccuum lol. i find when my daughter is having a screaming fit i turn on the noisey vacumm and clean the entire house. she gets so annoyed its funny lol. she tries to yell louder then the vacuum and that doesnt work then she tries to throw her self in front of it so i cant continue and i just pick it up and go right over her like she doesnt exsist. eventually she realizes shes not gonna get attention that way and she stops. I once had it explained to me as your children get bored and want attention they turn on mom tv. what better way to fill your time then to have your own show going on right in front of you lol. once this was explained this way to me i had alot easier time ignoring the bad behavior. everytime she acts up i say out loud lol mom tv is not airing on this channel lol. she now knows what that means lol and she will almost stop immediately. also tell her mommy doesnt want to play with a bad girl and then ask where mommy's good girl is. often with my daughter at least she will say right here and give me hugs instead of continue crying lol

Rashmi - posted on 10/25/2009

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Bad behaviour is probably the best way of attracting your parents attention. Most children realize early that if they create a huge enough tantrum, sooner or later Mommy is going to give in. Also, saying stuff like "I hate you", is nothing more than emotional manipulation. She most certainly dosent hate you.



However, children who are overly sensitive, do not respond well to punishment. It actually strenthens their bad behaviour. So please try this- The next time your daughter behaves badly, hold her by the shoulders and sit her down on the floor. Then look into her eyes and calmly yet firmly tell her that you are upset by what she did. Then tell her that you will not talk to her if she dosent say sorry.



Then leave her and ignore whatever she is doing. Please have patience, because she may do many things to attract your attention. When she dosent get any attention, she will stop being naughty.



She may not say sorry though, but insist on it and if she does, tell her that you are happy ad love her and that she is a very good girl.



She has to learn that bad behaviour dosent get her anything while good behaviour gets her a lot!



Goo luck & God bless!

Carolee - posted on 10/23/2009

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Keep strong! You did NOT do anything wrong. Kids will say whatever they can (and they learn early) to make you feel horrible! Hold your ground, and let her know her boundaries. I, personally, would have spanked my son again for throwing things at me. She doesn't hate you, I promise! She's just upset about not getting her way. As long as you stand your ground, she'll get the picture. It WILL take a while, and this scene will play again, but it will get better. And she loves you... you're "mommy"... what's better than "mommy"?

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I used to tell my mum that I didnt love her when I was little and throwing tantrums but truely my mum is one of the people I most love in the world and one of those reasons is because no matter how much of a pain in the butt I was or how horrible I may have been at that same age to her she always knew that she loved me and that deep down I was just being horrid. I also dont agree with hitting children and never have. When I get this mad with my daughter and god knows kids know which buttons to push I try my hardest to walk away or shut myself in the bathroom door and as long as I can here her screaming at me I know she must still be ok while I have my calm down time.

Children can be very very hurtfull and its our job to show that we are the ones who are strong enough to overcome it. I dont doubt that your heart breaks everytime your daughter says those hurtfull things but she doesnt really know what they mean or why she is really saying them all she know is its gets the reaction she is looking for from mummy.

Tashamonique - posted on 10/27/2009

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You are not doing anything wrong. My 4 year old used to tell me he hated me too. But this too shall pass. It's a phase that they go to, they are learning from their actions this is the time where you teach them thats not appropiate to say those things...and what words actually mean

Che - posted on 10/26/2009

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your daughter was just upset because you spanked her and what she said doesnt mean anything at all, really... believe me.:) I guess you're right, she's having a hard time.. is she studying already? toddlers are toddlers. Wait, you can still make up to her, you can play with her, go out with her, ask her about things which can help her understand and realize whats right and wrong.:))) accompany and guide her, she's just a kid.:)

Caroline - posted on 10/26/2009

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if i had a pound 4 every time ive them 2 words id be rich ye it hurts when they say it but i bet she came up to u an said shes sorry after its just somet they say out of anger try not to take it to hard

Alicia - posted on 10/25/2009

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my daughter was getting into trouble and i yelled at her too and she said she hated me and she is 2. i dont think your doing anything wrong. but i wanted to cry when she said that.

Tonya - posted on 10/25/2009

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My son has told me several times in his 5 years of life that he hates me. It 's because I get on to him when he is doing something wrong. There was one time, I remember, I was having a VERY bad day and he was misbehaving. I got on to him and he told me "I don't love you!" I just started crying. My child, then looks at me and says don't cry mommy--why are you crying--don't cry I didn't mean it I do love you mommy. talk about being sweet, then he rubbed my head because he wanted to make me feel better. Imagine that, my child rubbing MY head because I'm upset. He still said it a couple of times after that incident, but I know (as with any child) he doesn't mean it. As far as discipline, well spanking with my son doesn't work very well anymore. Occassionally I have to spank him, but the most effective discipline right now is taking things away from him when he has done wrong. Things like, TV or Computer time. I will literally turn the TV off and sometimes make him sit down. However, I do it for a couple of minutes and then talk to him about what he did wrong. This gives him time to cool off as well as myself. I have taken time away as much as 30 mins. Not often though. I have also (something else to consider) made him take a nap when he starts all that kicking and punching and screaming. I know exactly what you are going through and you are doing fine, so just don't give up. Just do what you know is right and stand your ground.

Heather - posted on 10/25/2009

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yeah, i have only recently started spanking her ( and for me its on occasion too~i hate doing it) time outs work sometimes but mostly she sits and screams her guts out and then when she calms down i try to talk to her... sometimes it works and sometimes she just twilrs her hair till i let her out and then she is at it again... i have had weekends where i have to leave her in her room a total of probably a third of the day becuase everytime i let her out she obviously hasnt learned anything... it is so frustrating and i hate spanking her so much that sometimes when she is trying to kick me or throwing something at me i stop and think if there is ANYTHING else that might work... im to the point where im at such a loss that i think that i have become MORE inconsistent becuase i am trying so many different things trying to find something to get her in line and then times when i ignore something becuase i feel like i cant take anymore for the day... i feel like an at a loss mom...

Kaihla - posted on 10/25/2009

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The only reason that kids say this to their parents is because they know it will hit home. She doesn't really hate you, that's just her way of expressing anger and frustration.



Have you ever tried time-out? I personally don't think spanking is a very effective form of discipline. (don't get me wrong, I spank, but very rarely because it honestly has no effect whatsoever) I am definitely not judging you for spanking because like I said, I do it occasionally too. A good smack on the bum every now and then isn't going to hurt her, especially if nothing else is working.



The reason I am suggesting time-out is because I find it VERY effective. If you have ever watched that "Supernanny" show, her time-out technique works a charm! The key is consistency and persistence.

Lorraine - posted on 10/24/2009

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she might want something that u say no 2 or most babies do that a couple more years and she will grow out of it

Shayna - posted on 10/24/2009

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Well I personally am not in favor of spanking children, but I'm also no one to judge other people and what they do with their children.



She doesn't mean it, trust me. How many things have to said in your life time out of fusteration that you did not mean? I don't think your doing anything wrong. You need to stand you ground as a parent, and be in control over your children, not be their best friend and let them walk all over you.

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