My son is almost 4 and is out of control

Tara - posted on 02/22/2011 ( 19 moms have responded )

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Hello, my son will be 4 next month, and he is just out of control. He doesnt listen to anything his dad or I tell him to do. Yesterday he told me that he doesnt love me. He throws things at me and smacks me. When asked why he doesnt listen he says cause I dont want to. I just dont understand what is going on with him, or why he acts this way. He as a twin sister who is a total complete opposite of him, and he has a little sister that is a year old. I have had tried timeout, taking toys, taking television time away and I have smacked his hands if he does something that he shouldnt. Nothing phases him. He just laughs, or kicks or smacks me but he wont do either of those things to dad. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated of what I should do.

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Amber - posted on 02/26/2011

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I have five boys and one girl. They are all good kids, but believe when I say they have their moments! My eight year old was such a little heathen when he was three... and four and five! He is pretty good now, but sometimes my house feels like the Loud family from Saturday Night Live. I think you just do the best you can and throw the rest out the window. I always worried about my younger kids modeling the older kids behavior. I was right... they do! But... it really does work itself out. I know you are frustrated. My three year old is a pretty good kid. My two year old? Terror! Just try to live through it. Do the best you can. Don't let anyone tell you what they think you are doing wrong, or what they think is wrong with your children. I always laugh about these things because as I have said before, I have never seen a grown man punching his sisters as an adult, or crying in their car during lunch hour at work. Okay, well maybe a few, but you get my gist. :) Hang in there!

Nancy - posted on 02/26/2011

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My daughter is 3 and will be 4 in September..she is very moody and has a lot of attitude, but I have learned from her that she learns it from me...if I get frustrated and my tone of voice changes, she acts the same way...so what I have done with her is to sit her down and explain things to her and make sure she understands what she is doing wrong and that she needs to use her words to tell me something and not bad actions..it works very well and every time she acts up, I remind her that when she talks to me, that by using her big girl words I can help her better with what she wants or with what the problem is. Good luck I hope this helps.

Barbara - posted on 02/25/2011

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well, I am not sure about this one girls, My son is 4 and has started act like some of you had said on your post, he is very high strung, he can be mean, just push and moody mean. but talking to him is like talking to a wall. the puppy listens better, But when he was 2ish he stoped taking Naps. went he starts to act up like that I try to get him to lay down and take a nap. it make a big differance in his behavior after his nap . he is sweet and acts like the young man he needs to be. so I would try gaving him a nap to see if that will help. I still believe that he has ADHD, but I think other thing impact his little mind and body. try change his diet and naps.. to see if that helps.. i dont think it well just simply go way. but it should get a little better. we just have remember that are little kids with alot going on in their minds.. and Praying helps too.

Michelle - posted on 02/25/2011

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because he has mentioned that his head hurts when he is acting out I would consider also getting his eyes checked as my son was the same way, and we found out that he was almost blind in one eye. Once we got him glasses a lot of the extra unwanted behaviors disappeared. However my son was also diagnosed with severe ADHD and ODD by the time he was 6 which explained alot of what he was doing at age 4.

Amie - posted on 02/25/2011

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just a thought, do they ever get their own one on one time with mommy? maybe they are lashing out for some sort of attention. i really dont know, just an idea

Liss - posted on 02/25/2011

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i have the same issue with my almost 4 year old son, ive vtried getting down to his level and looking him n the face n talking to him nothing works, time out, smacks on the hand absolutely nothing, i had my son assessed for adhd so maybe u should give that a shot to, they can't do much about it now at this age but atleast u will have a fair clue on whats happeneing with him

Jessica - posted on 02/25/2011

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Im in the same boat my 3 1/2 year old does the same things its a fase they go through there trying to push your buttons to see how farthey can go before you snap... I have also tried everything to get him to behave from taking toys away, tv privledges away, time outs nothing owrks he just keeps acting up but i find that most of his not listening is because he hasnt had a nap... The other day it was to the point that i was about to cry so i had sat him down on the couch and had explained to him that mommy felt like crying because she cant take no more of him not listening and it helped out a bit as he didnt want to make me cry...I know that they tell you to only give them time outs for the amount of time as there age as they forget why they are there but i give my son 5 minute time outs with nothing just sitting on the couch... Then for everytime that he misbehaves well sitting there i add a minute....It has helped to....I hope this helps as i know how much it hurts to be told he doesnt love you or that he hates you... It hurts so much but the good thing about being a mom is we know they dont mean it :D

Tara - posted on 02/25/2011

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I want to THANK everyone who has given me suggestions. I will try anything to turn him around.

Amy - posted on 02/25/2011

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Dr. John Rosemond's books about parenting. Any of them. PArent power is great. well-behaved child is good too. So many things in there turned my little stinker around fast. Was a month later and she was a totally different kid.

Tara - posted on 02/25/2011

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No Shannon, he doesnt go to day care. I am a stay at home mom. His twin sister doesnt do these things at all, she listens. She is just a total complete opposite from him. I have told him that it hurts when he hits me and that it hurts my feelings when he throws things at me and all he says is SO.

Shannon - posted on 02/24/2011

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have you told him, when you hit mommy it hurts, and makes me sad when you throw things at me? I have done that with my daughter and she doesn't throw things.. does he go to daycare, he could be learning stuff there

Kristi - posted on 02/24/2011

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I had a friend who took some classes on this at a church. The best advice they received and said it worked was every time your child hits, calls names, acts out at you, keep your composure, and look directly at them and say "I know". Being very sincere. Say nothing else, repeat if necessary. My friend said it stopped him in his tracks because he didn't expect that response. Hope this works for you. The other thing is, he's a little boy, there is nothing wrong with him. :-)

Tara - posted on 02/24/2011

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My mom has mentioned that, but I didnt know if it would be such a good idea for a almost 4 year old to do that or not.

[deleted account]

It may be a bad idea for some but maybe try a Scared Straight approach. Take them to a police department and tell them that is where bad kids go. I know it doesn't sound like the best idea but my brother had a talk with a cop at a young age and it worked

Amanda - posted on 02/24/2011

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if anyone can give advise on this one please do i have kids that do the same thing.

Tara - posted on 02/24/2011

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So I sat my son down today and asked him why he doesnt listen to me. I also asked him if there is anything bothering him when he is acting up. He told me that his head hurts. It seems to me like it could be possible because he is only bad for a little while then he is a totally different child. I will be calling the doctor to ask about this.

Rebecca - posted on 02/23/2011

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Im with you on this one! My son is the SAME way! Time out doesnt work, he thinks it is a game. I try telling him what he did wrong and he knows what to say. 'I wont hit again. We don't hit right?' I was at my wits end and took him to the Doctor because I didn't know what to do, I needed to be able to set boundaries with him and nothing worked! The Doctor said that he most likely has ADHD but there is nothing to do about it until he is older. He referred me to a book call 'The Difficult Child' I have not finished it yet because I just started reading it. But so far it makes sense. Talking about behaviors and why, and what to do...maybe this will help?

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Have you tried sitting him down and talking to him, maybe ask him why he is upset or something like that? Is he taking enough naps, could he be cranky from being tired?

Katie - posted on 02/23/2011

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ugh I know how this is my 3 1/2 year old is the SAME way and she screams on top of it all. I tried EVERTHING. I'm with you girl on this one.

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