need help getting my 16 month to stay asleep

Lauren - posted on 03/05/2009 ( 12 moms have responded )

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My son is 16 months old and starting from a young age I used to bring him into my bed in the morning to cuddle (get any little last bit of sleep possible). Well now I am living to regret making this decision.



He is now waking up just about every night/morning at about 4 or 5 am and cries because he wants to come in bed with my husband and me. He doesn't want a bottle or anything (bottles are LONG gone) all he wants is to come to my bed.



I did the sleep training, so he goes to sleep on his own at night. How do I get him to stay asleep? Should I just let him cry?



I should also mention that he just recently had to transition into a toddler bed because at one of these 4 am wakings, he jumped out of his crib!



Any advice is greatly appreciated!

12 Comments

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Christy - posted on 03/06/2009

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Wait, I'm sorry, how was I implying that you didn't love your kids my suggesting the Continuum Concept book and saying I had made the decision to sleep w/ my kids prior to their birth? I'm totally confused. I made absolutly no such implication, nor did I specifically call out anyone who had posted here, I was simply offering what has worked for us and my opinions. I appologize if I offended you!

Did my 1st born felt resentment? I wouldn't say any more than any other 1st born in general. IMHO they all feel resentment when a 2nd baby comes along. I think it's very difficult for all 1st born's learning to share w/ the new baby, esp. the parents time and attention and our sleeping arrangement being no different. Moreover he had just turned 3 when she was born, and 3's are a notoriously difficult age. He actually transitioned into sleeping on his own quite easily, I had been sleeping in his bed so he didn't have to switch beds. He has always resented even having to go to bed, even from birth! Even before my DD was born, he made up every excuse in the book NOT to go to bed and then wouldn't stay in bed after the story, drink of water good night kiss, etc, but once he fell asleep, he wouldn't get out of his bed until morning. Bedtimes like eating and using the potty are prime areas for power struggles. And like I said it's not that I don't think CIO isn't necessary because sometimes it is and in the case of my DS and his bedtimes it became a battle of the wills simply to even go to bed, the sleeping arrangement of who slept with whom wasn't the issue. I honestly don't remember him specifically feeling resentment towards the new sleeping arrangement, I do remember our 1st year after our 2nd was born to be our most challanging yet w/ my DS! but that was in general, I'm sure he questioned our sleeping arrangement, he's an extreamly bright and sensitive boy but he even to this day will say why does Thea (my DD) get (to (or not get or have to)____________(fill in the blank w/ a certian food, or scheduling difference or toy or whatever) but this is just typical sibling rivalry I remember comparing myself to my sisters when I was a kid, and I know this sort of thing will go on for years to come! And I often allow my DS into our bed, but it's really a rare thing. I know he'd love to still sleep w/ me, but then again he's expressed a desire to still bathe w/ me and nurse me too! LOL!!! Such a momma's boy!

Sarah - posted on 03/06/2009

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Although I do respect everyones views and opinions-i feel i have to defend myself with saying-because i have chosen to adapt a firmer routine with my children-doesnt necessarily mean it will result in forms of mental or social disorders.  (check out a book called "The Continuum Concept"). 



I am sure i love my children and show them i love them just as much as anyone else. 



Also, I was wondering if your 1st born felt any resentment when your second child came along?  Considering you then had to go through the transition of changing them into their own beds?



 

Christy - posted on 03/06/2009

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I haven't read thru the other posts (sorry I'm a little ADD) so I'm sorry if someone else has offered this opinion. I'm not a fan of CIO in any instance, that's not to say it's not necessary or I haven't done it, but in this case IMHO it's not necessary. I'll first say I've slept w/ both my kids and it was a decision I made before my 1st child was born (check out a book called "The Continuum Concept"). I slept w/ my 1st baby from the 1st night until I brought my 2nd home from the hospital. He transitioned into his own bed pretty easily, although I'll say he has ALWAYS hated going to bed. We made the transition when he was 3, he's now 5 and although would LOVE to sleep w/ me, there's not enough room in the bed for me, my flopping 2 YO and him (my DH snores so loudly and has restless leg no way can I sleep w/ him). I'm personally very much against sleep training and from my own personal experience just do NOT believe it's necessary, kids DO learn to fall asleep on their own. It's only natural kids want to be close to their mommies, after all they spent the 1st 9 mos. in the warmth and comfort of your body. There is absolutly nothing wrong for sharing your bed w/ them, they grow up too fast and pretty soon they'll be angry teenagers who'll want nothing to do w/ us - lol (an exaggeration, but you get the idea). I understand not everyone is comfortable sleeping w/ their kids for various reasons, just make sure it's not society or peer pressure that's causing you to not want to sleep w/ your kids. You may also want to check out "The no-cry sleep solution" by Elizabeth Pantley

Karrie - posted on 03/06/2009

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I just read the comment ahead of mine and I don't want you to think I am telling you you need to do it... because I'm not... Its not for everyone and is very very hard to listen to your child cry....

You'll find what works for you... I hope that this works for me... :)

Karrie - posted on 03/06/2009

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I am right there with you too only my son is 22 weeks.... and he wakes up constantly through the night... and I do believe in letting them cry it out.... but every 15-20 min going in there and giving them a hug and telling them you love them... I have been bringing my son into my bed for probally a year and this is why I am in the situation that I am in... It doesn't hurt them to cry... Most pediatricians will tell you to do that....



I am not going to lie to you it is VERY VERY VERY HARD THING TO DO especially if your child is saying "momma mommma"....



Hope you figure out what you wanna do..

Karrie

Esther - posted on 03/06/2009

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If you're not comfortable with letting your baby cry, you shouldn't. There is a ton of pressure on us moms to be "tough" and "strong" and just let them cry and if that's what you chose to do, that's your decision to make. But do not do it unless you are 100% behind it. There are just as many stories out there of people who tried it for whom it did not work as there are for those who did. My friend did it with her son, he cried for a minimum of 2.5 hours straight every night for about a week and then was sleeping through the night (except for a 5 minute wake-up sometime in the middle of the night when he would cry again). She thought it worked. Until 3 weeks later when he started waking again. There are lots of reasons why kids can have set-backs (teething, colds, change in schedule etc.) and then you may have to start from scratch.



Don't feel like you are a weak or bad mother if you don't chose to let your baby CIO.

Carey - posted on 03/06/2009

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I agree with Sarah M. My son of 20 months has been sleeping in his cotbed now for a few weeks. Since young he has also been coming into our bed at around 6am. This past week it has been since 3am that he has been wanting to get into our bed. Got some great advise of just sitting with him in his room to let him know i was there but that he was not coming into our bed any earlier then 6am. He is doing okay now and today only did it at 5.45am so getting there slowly. I know you will sort it one way or another. It is hard i know but just hang in there and soon enough your little one will be sleeping in his bed until everyone is ready to get up :-) Good Luck!

Sarah - posted on 03/06/2009

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This will probably spark lots of controversy!  Although I can understand where you are coming from-I am a VERY young mum with two babies only 13months apart.  My eldest is almost 2 and she sleeps very well-my youngest being only 10months he also sleeps throughout the night for atleast 10 hours!



I was also really relaxed when I only had my first child-she used to sleep in with me and husband-stay up until we went to bed etc-I love cuddling my child and who wants to hear their baby crying??



Although when i found myself pregnant again only 6 months after i had given birth!.. i realised I had to dramatically change my routine in order to accommodate for the new little one on its way!  Therefore I adopted a way that worked...and i will guarantee it will work for you!



 



You dedicate a bedtime(say 8/9 o'clock)  depending on your lifestyle..Make sure your baby is fed and bathed and simply put them to bed.  Undoubtedly they will wake up/cry...but there is nothing wrong with that..babies cry-thats what they do!  Babies can be stubborn but you have to take control, not let the baby control you and your lifestyle!  After about 1 week, my baby was sleeping solidly the whole night through!  It may seem cruel to leave your baby cry-it is a horrible feeling, but aslong as they are clean..feed and watered-they will be fine-you are simply getting them into a routine!



Good Luck with your little one!

Sarah - posted on 03/06/2009

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This will probably spark lots of controversy!  Although I can understand where you are coming from-I am a VERY young mum with two babies only 13months apart.  My eldest is almost 2 and she sleeps very well-my youngest being only 10months he also sleeps throughout the night for atleast 10 hours!



I was also really relaxed when I only had my first child-she used to sleep in with me and husband-stay up until we went to bed etc-I love cuddling my child and who wants to hear their baby crying??



Although when i found myself pregnant again only 6 months after i had given birth!.. i realised I had to dramatically change my routine in order to accommodate for the new little one on its way!  Therefore I adopted a way that worked...and i will guarantee it will work for you!



 



You dedicate a bedtime(say 8/9 o'clock)  depending on your lifestyle..Make sure your baby is fed and bathed and simply put them to bed.  Undoubtedly they will wake up/cry...but there is nothing wrong with that..babies cry-thats what they do!  Babies can be stubborn but you have to take control, not let the baby control you and your lifestyle!  After about 1 week, my baby was sleeping solidly the whole night through!  It may seem cruel to leave your baby cry-it is a horrible feeling, but aslong as they are clean..feed and watered-they will be fine-you are simply getting them into a routine!



Good Luck with your little one!

Lauren - posted on 03/05/2009

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I don't want to sleep alone.. I want to sleep with my husband! And I enjoy cuddling with my son... but I don't enjoy the interrupted sleep when he is very capable of sleeping through the night. His cries NEVER go unanswered. I go into his room and let him know that I am there and I put him back into his bed. My son is very well cared for and he knows that..

Tammi - posted on 03/05/2009

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Wow I would have thought I was the one writing this story except my son is 21 months old and I cant wait to hear the advice you get because I did the exact same thing and am going through the exact same thing.I guess I just didnt want you to feel alone.

Tara - posted on 03/05/2009

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I would respond to his needs.  What is the problem with bringing him into your bed?



Who wants to sleep alone anyway ? Not me.  Especially if I were a tiny child.  If you refuse to respond to your child now, you will be dealing with it in other problem areas later. 



Not answering cries does not teach them to sleep.  It teaches them that crying out to you gets them now response.  They then fall asleep alone, and detached.  Our bodies respond to their cries in a stressful way for a reason. We were designed this way, and so were they.



Their own bodies go into a panic stress state, which does in fact disrupt nerves in the brain.



 



Maybe try lying down with him for a few minutes in his bed, if you do not wish to sleep with him.  See if he will fall back asleep and you can sneak back off.   If this doesn't work, you could always move his bed into your room for awhile ?

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