need help getting my 3 year old to listen..

Ashley - posted on 04/21/2010 ( 6 moms have responded )

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my son is 3 and he refuses to listen. we have tried time out, taking toys away, tv away and not letting him play, but nothing is working. when we tell him to stop doing something he looks at us and continues to do it. i am at my wits end and he is getting ready to start school. i want him to behave and i dont see that coming....

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Sam - posted on 04/24/2010

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sry i dont agree with mandi's way, i just feel like guilting your children will only work until they dont care if you are sad anymore. plus , there is no consequence to mom just being sad with you if you still get to go out and ride your bike or go to that party that you wanted. i feel like you should talk directly to your children with the goal of them understanding what you want from them and what you dont want from them. but i dont feel that you should ever try to be their friend, you are the mother and what you say must go , it is because you know waht is best for them thou they may think that they do, its also a battle of wills, stubbornness is not a necessarily bad thing but if he refuses to respect your authority he can not be expected to respect anyone elses. and if you feel like he is too stuborn for you , who else will raise your kid? step up to the plate unless you think there are any takers, you may not have been strong enough to teach him to behave but your gonna have to become strong enough.

Sam - posted on 04/24/2010

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he is seeing how far he can get away with things. you have to not let him get away with anything. you have to pick a punishment/treatment for the behavior and STICK with it , dont ever be inconsistent and, SAY IT LIKE YOU MEAN IT, that means say it, not yell it, but dont quiver or ask or be scared to say it. if not you will be run over by your child. have times in the day where you teach behaviors with rewards and times when he starts to misbehave where you go into punishments for how not to behave. I am the oldest of 5 children and now i have a 8month old with 5 teeth who would bite me all the time. for about two weeks i just learned to not put fingers in his mouth, but then he bit me and i said ouch! and he smilled at me , thats when i knew he was trying to see if he could get away with it, so i started comanding no when he did it loudly, and if he repeated just after i said no, he would get a pinch on the cheek for each additional bite. its been about two weeks since a bite. then he started with my husband and mother and law and now i will start to do the same thing as i see him do it to them and i have let them kno how to do it also, he was just going around the ppl he knew to see who would let him bite them.

Ruth - posted on 04/24/2010

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Put him to work, and make him feel like a useful member of the family. Redirecting him this way may prove useful in getting him to listen on other occasions. Always speak to him on his level, look him in the eyes and touch him gently on his arm, or shoulder. After asking twice, and getting no response, you should take action and lead him thru the task being asked of him....dressing, bathing, putting on his shoes, coat, etc... Good luck.

Ashley - posted on 04/22/2010

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Mandi, I have tried being nice about it but he is the kind of kid that only wants a response, wether it is positive or negative. he is very hard headed and strong willed. there is nothing that scares him or makes him think that he wont be hurt. i have tried every possible thing to be nice and it gets me no where.

Linda, I may have to try your trick i am just afraid that he wont respond to it. i have seen it on supernanny before but he is just so stubborn and it is his way or the highway. he is not a bad kid by any means, but he knows what buttons to push and just how far to do it. i dont know what i am going to do with him. love him i guess:)

Mandi - posted on 04/21/2010

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My children listen well. I do not spank them or use time outs. I treat them how I want to Be treated. I explain how I feel in a calm nice way. If he doesnt listen I repeat myself. If he still does not comply I tell him again in a nice way what I want. For example, Please get dressed... (No or no response) I need you to get dresswed so that we can go on our adventure. (still nothing) I feel sad that you are not listening to me. You need to get dressed. We need to get going. YOu can get dressed the easy wasy or the hard way. The hard way means I am going to get you dressed no matter what. I would like it if you choose the easy way. Its your choice. It usually always works.

Linda - posted on 04/21/2010

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My best advice is to get on his level, speak in an even tone, and just explain what's going on. I have to do this with my daughter alllllll the time. She's 2, and thinks she knows everything. I have to hold her arm, get on her level, tell her to look at my eyes and listen. Does she want to get spanked? No. Then please stop throwing/spitting/yelling/etc. or she is going to get spanked and a time out. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, but it really does get her attention, and she knows exactly what's coming if she decides to continue with what she's doing.

Hope this helps!

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