NEW AGE vs. THE DAYS OF YORE

Melissa - posted on 03/17/2011 ( 16 moms have responded )

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I've always been kind of a "olden days" kind of girl. I listen to what doctors tell me and I sometimes take it with a grain of salt.

Years ago when doctors started telling mothers that introducing foods earlier than 6 months promoted allergies, I rolled my eyes. I thought to myself "anyone who knows anything about biology knows that makes no sense!" and now here we are, 5 years later, with doctors saying "oops! the more foods you introduce earlier, the lower the chances are of developing allergies!" lol, silliness.

When my friends tell me how horrible meat is for my son, and that I'm putting him at risk for heart disease by feeding him a little chicken, I have to have a little chuckle. I'm completely supportive of my vegitarian and vegan friends, and I agree that the way we farm animals in our country isn't very pleasant, but I also believe we were made to eat meat (omnivore = herbivore + carnivore!) and keeping it in with a balanced diet isn't going to put my son in harms way.

When friends tell me about "studies" on how spanking, time outs and removal of privileges are "detrimental to a childs psyche", I have a little more than a little chuckle. I nearly have a full belly laugh! I spank my son. It's a last resort form of punishment, it's not something I enjoy doing, and it's not done accessively.

I don't mean to sound crass or confrontational. I don't mean to sound like I'm putting others down for having their own beliefs. What I do mean to say is, me feeding my child meat, starting him on solid foods at 3 months, and spanking the back of his hand as a last resort, does not make me a bad mother. Quite frankly I'm a little tired of being told I'm wrong in the raising of my child, when my child is the healthiest and best behaved child of anyone I know. Even while in daycare he's only been sick 4 times since the day he was born. Of those 4 times being sick, we're talking maybe 9 days total. At 15 months, he of course pushes boundries, but I find it funny that he listens better than 5 and 6 year olds I know.

I guess what my main message here is, there's far too much critisism going on with mothers today. We put one another down because someone else doesn't do things the way we do. We look down on a mother because she feeds her baby formula, without taking the time to learn that she tried to breastfeed, but because of an untrusty doctor, took medication that dried up her supply and was left without an option other than formula. We look down on other mothers because they put their children forward-facing while we think extended rear-facing is best. We should use cloth diapers! No! Regular diapers are better! We look down on mothers who's children don't develop as quickly as our own. We look down on mothers who's disciplinary actions differ from ours. We have to be doing everything right, so everyone else must be doing everything wrong. As mothers, we have enough on our plates. We work long, thankless hours. We break our backs to keep our children happy and healthy. We maintain friendships and love lives and professional relations and so on and so forth. How do we really have the time, energy or desire to do anything other than just enjoy the company of another mother?

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Crystal - posted on 03/20/2011

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Bravo! I'm totally with you. With as little support as a lot of moms get, why the heck do we need to fight over the little things? There's a huge difference between a spanking done right (smack the hand that is going for the outlet after being told for the fiftieth time no, 15 timeouts, and multiple warnings!) and so on. My boy is 2, 3 in May. Polite, well-manner even in a restaurant, happy go lucky spunky lil' boy who plays with anyone of any age w/o hitting or biting and heck, he even shares. Yet I always have someone telling me I'm wrong because I spank as a last resort or I'm wrong because I will take away toys or TV time or how wrong I am for allowing him to watch TV in the first place. Yet here he is...2 and he acts better than my SIL's 2 who are 8 and 6! Now the majority of the time it's tone of voice that is the ultimate correction. I think you have valid, wonderful points and more should consider seriously what you have said.

Brandy - posted on 03/20/2011

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melissa, THAAANK YOOU!!! i feel the same way, as a matter of fact i just went off topic a little on another post about this a minute ago, i hate it when someone asks is it wrong to do something and everyone starts getting all crazy about it, things have changed dramatically since i was growing up! when i was a kid i knew what was expected of me at a very young age i did what i was told when i was told to do it there was no arguing or questioning because there was no back talk allowed my mother never tried to bribe or bargain with me lol and i was expected to be respectful and polite to every adult. my parents didnt beat me they didnt have to i was afraid to get in trouble because it was looked down on i guess, and when i did get in trouble a look of disapointment was enough to make me cry, but i did get sent to my room stood in corners and occasionally smacked on the butt, what we had for dinner was what we had to eat, period, and the television was something that belonged to dad for the most part. my parents werent perfect but they did the best they could and i personally think they did a great job haha, this is the reason i raise my daughter the way i do, im not afraid to tell her no or to let her cry, she knows that i love her and that i would never hurt her but she also knows right from wronge because i will send her to her room or smack her on her butt. and i only do that if she hits someone else or if she does something dangerous which is pretty much never because shes a good girl. Thats the way i am, my cousins (who are like my sisters) are way different, in my opinion they let their kids rule everything, they will make separate meals for dinner or allow their kids to just eat cookies or whatever they want instead, they will cancel plans because a child doesnt feel like going, they constantly complain to me about not knowing how to discipline their children because either they dont want to hurt the childs feelings or they just wont listen LOL one little boy is almost 3 still sleeps in bed with mom and dad and bathes with them, and i could go on forever but my point is, i dont think there is a right or wrong its all about preference i guess. i dont want a kid that screams at me and they dont seem to mind so oh well i say to each his own.

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Melissa - posted on 03/31/2011

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A friend of mine came over today and we were discussing all of this, and she made a comment that I've definitely heard before, but never really took note of until today. It takes a village to raise a child. And it's true! Raising children is a job! It is hard work! But like Jaime pointed out, so many parents these days are slacking in their jobs, and the only ones being punished by their laziness are all of our children. If you love your child, if you want what is best for them, you HAVE to care about ALL children, because what they go through and how they are raised will one day effect our children, too. If a child is raised without manners, without rules, limitations, guidelines, so on and so forth, they're going to grow up to be rude, mean, ill-mannered, selfish, self-centered, so on and so forth. I refuse to let me child be that way, and I refuse to my child grow up thinking it's ok to treat others with anything but respect. If I seem strict, I'm completely fine with it.

In our house there are different intensities to each punishment. If our son is doing something that could potentially cause him harm, there's no warnings, just a swift swat on the hand or backside. Because we want it to be a severe warning! I'm not going to go back 10 times a day and say "no sweetie, don't touch that", I want him to learn quickly to steer clear! But if he's throwing toys or something to that effect, you simply tell him to stop a time or two. If he doesn't, remove the toy. If he starts with something else, a quick time out. If that doesn't work, a swat on the backside. Works every time.

Jaime - posted on 03/23/2011

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So glad im not the only one to do these things lol..like you i smack my daughters hand when she touches something shes not suppose to and when she doesnt listen i put her in time out! i never exceed a 2 minute time out because i do it by how old she is..when we go out in public i see older kids slapping their parents yelling at them and they seem to do nothing about it. my daughter is two now and she pushes her boundaries but she knows when mom says no that means no, she also tries to tell me no in return and all i do is say excuse what was that and she quickly says yes yes mom lol..as far as the solid foods i did the same thing she was introduced to it at an early age and she is doing fantastic..she now eats everything and doesnt waste it. i think its all about someone personal opinion but in my opinion every child that my husband and i have i will do the same as i been doing.

Amy - posted on 03/22/2011

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My son is turning 2 in a couple weeks. Let me tell you...it's begun already. Trying to nip it before it grows. Praying that I'm doing it right!

on the child's psyche - BS. Just posted about this in another group. "self-esteem" is over rated. It lets them know they can put themselves on a high horse at the expense of everyone else. No matter what the studies say, I'd rather have a child who has self-RESPECT yet is humble and puts others first.

Let me tell you, [not like I need to as you all know] it is a JOB!!!!! Ain't no rest for the wicked...so momma has to keep on 'em.

Melissa - posted on 03/22/2011

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Haha Kathleen I'm convinced my son has already started to enter that stage. I'm NOT excited for it's progression lol. And Amy, lol! Clap appreciated :0)

Amy - posted on 03/22/2011

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Can I just clap for all that? My brain's too tired to come up with words. :)

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When my son was 15 months and better behaved than other (older) kids I was pleased with him...then he turned 2 and then he turned 3! AGH! I'll just leave it at saying brace yourself for the terrible twos and the even more terrible threes! : ) They're hard years, but also very fun years!

Melissa - posted on 03/21/2011

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and Brittany, I'm definitely with you on the foods thing. my son was over 10 lbs when he was born and he was 3 weeks early. i tried breastfeeding, i wanted it SO bad, but unfortunately my doctor wasn't honest with me and gave me meds that dried up my supply (even though i'd asked her and she said they wouldn't) so i had to formula feed. formula is supposed to be more filling that breastmilk, as far as i've been told, but my son was SO hungry ALL the time! so at 2 months i started giving him cereal, but he hated it, so i started scooping in a couple spoonsfulls of pureed fruits to sweeten it up for him, and from day one he did amazing with it! i got a lot of trash talk from a few moms about it, as well, but i don't even bother with them. we all know what is best for our babies, and no one knows our babies like we do. i can't tell you all enough, you're all wonderful!!

Melissa - posted on 03/21/2011

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LADIES I LOVE YOU ALL!! thank you so much for letting me know that there really are other parents out there who think logically and rationally like i do. it was so heartwarming and empowering to read each of your comments, because it lets me know i'm not alone in this! you all are beautiful, wonderful, amazing, and TOTALLY made my day!!!

Anne - posted on 03/20/2011

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There are some days when sometimes you just want to let fly at someone for their "helpful" advice. It all well and good, but are they the ones looking after YOUR child? Methinks not. You and only you know your child and know what's best for them. Most of the time, the do-gooders should just shut up!

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I really get peeved at the solids thing. My daughter stopped gainning weight at 3 months, so I started feeding her solids. I got so much flack from moms about it. I actually got praised by he doctor for it. She still doesn't weigh a lot and eats like a horse.

We can't use cloth diapers, I don't have a place for a bleach bucket. Not to mention bleach isn't good for you. I have a hard enough time keeping my daughter out of things. I can imagin if I added something like that on top of it. Her weeks worth of diapers fit into one plastic grocery bag... I'm not worried about the land fills on that one.

Melissa - posted on 03/17/2011

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hahaha I DO feel better getting it off my chest, lol. And I love what you said about your own children, how you did spank your boys but haven't needed to with your daughter. It's just an option, not a necessity. By saying I spank my son I'm not saying I HAVE to, I'm simply saying when the situation calls for it, I do. I can't tell you how many times people have told me how horrible I am for it, lol. I'm glad to find someone who agrees with my logic :0)

Louise - posted on 03/17/2011

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Wow do you feel better for getting that off your chest! lol. I agree with most things you are saying here. All three of my kids were on solids at 12 weeks as they were huge babies and milk just simply was not enough. I do agree with mums knowing what is best for there child and how to bring them up. I have raised two sons that are now adults and they did get a spank if they stepped out of line and they have grown into fine young men that are well mannered and respectful, yet I have a daughter now who is 2 and I will not spank as I feel there is no need to, I just have to change the tone in my voice for her to stop. But saying that I am not a pro spanker or anti spanker whatever works for you.

As you say mums are really hard on other mums and judge them far to quickly without getting the full story. We could all do with giving each other a break. My God we have earned one being all things to everybody, Mum, Lover, Cook Cleaner and taxi driver etc!

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