"NO HITTING!"

Megan - posted on 06/10/2010 ( 12 moms have responded )

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My 16 months old is starting to think it's funny to hit me. BUT NOT DADDY, only me. And when I tell him to stop, he get's angry and it only get's worse from there. I've begun instantly putting him in a timeout (in his crib) for a few minutes as soon as he does it the first time. Anything else I can do?

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Danielle - posted on 06/14/2010

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I agree that time out is definately the way to go because you want to teach him that negative behavior (hitting) does not produce a result, it produces nothing- which is what a timeout is, taking a child away from all other stimulation. I completely disagree about spanking or patting on the bottom. All this teaches is that hitting is acceptable,even if it's only in certain circumstances. I know that some people say it works or they say that time out doesn't work but there is a component to successful time outs that people forget about- teaching what TO do instead of what NOT to do. When he hits, immediately say "Ow! You hit Mommy! That hurts! We do not hurt! Time out for hurting!" and bring him to the designated time out spot (not the crib, like someone else said- it will create negative associations) Once in time out, hold his hands down and repeat "No hurting" in a calm but stern voice. While holding his hands down (so that he can't get up or hit you again) look away from him. Odds are, he's hitting you for a reaction and for your attention so you want to take away both of those responses. Ignore him but still prevent him from moving or hurting you again. After 1 minute, release his hands, look him in the eye and calmly explain again, "Hitting hurts. Love Mommy instead. Give hugs and kisses" and give him a big hug and a big kiss and praise him (think over the top here) for such lovely hugs and kisses. That way you show him that loving actions get a WAY better response than hurting actions. Then any time during the day that he hugs or kisses or is otherwise physically sweet with you, mega-praise him. You can even encourage him to give you more hugs and kisses and praise him. Soon, he will forget all about hitting.
Hope this helps!

Sonia - posted on 10/08/2010

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My 14 month old is starting to do the same and its wen i want to kiss his father he gets jealouse and he pulls my hair and he bits me wen i tell him to stop and he smacks me, i have to tell him no and i put him in his crib with music on so he can calm down.. or i sometimes wash his face with a cloth... he calms down...

Danielle - posted on 10/05/2010

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I agree with the time out if that works best for you. I have to say that I did what sherri champagne said. The time out for my son didn't work so I smacked him on the back of the hand hard enough where he understood that it doesnt feel good but not hard enough to really hurt him. It seemed to work better then the time out. But all children are different. My boys are not very receptive to time out. I have to make my oldest jump while he is in time out or to sit ups the baby is starting to have to jump as well. But sometimes with them the only way to get their attention on heavy matters is a quick swat on the behind.

Alicia - posted on 06/16/2010

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Well, when my little one started doing that we would just start crying. Make it seem real. She really didn't like that and it didn't take long for her to stop.

Sue - posted on 06/13/2010

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Not this is much help, but may be mentally...my son did and continues to do the same thing as we are in the temper tantrum stage at 18 months. I was doing some research on the whole hitting thing and they say that for toddlers to hit you means they trust you...odd, I know...but they say that they can't verbally express their frustrations, anger, etc or even feel understood, so they lash out physically but only with people they trust 100% with their emotions. So Mom...he trusts you! LOL! I know we have started with the whole naughty chair thing...they say one minute for every year old they are...and it has been working...plus I just explain to him that it hurts Mommy when he hits me...so now when I see the preceding behavior I simply say, "I know you might be angry but you don't need to hit"...and instead he walks away continues to scream for a minute and then is fine...such a fun age.

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Erin - posted on 10/08/2010

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You sound like you just described my son,except the throwing up. He is a happy go lucky kid too but he hits now he started hitting other kids and sometimes adults! When we go to playground and stuff he will hit other parents! I don't get it. sometimes I think they like the attention and the whole process of getting a time out. I wouldn't spank especially if it isn't working. Don't know what to tell you but I feel your pain.

Mel - posted on 10/07/2010

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All ideas sound like great advice, but what about when you have tried it all and nothing works. I have tried talking firm to him - he just pretend to ignore us. Someone told me that when I do that, I need to sit him down and MAKE him look at me so he can see how serious I am - he started rolling his eyes and making faces. i have tried time outs which did work for like a minute then he started playing with imaginary toys and people I guess and then he happily hopped in his time out chair and the behaviour resumed. It was even suggested that we find something he is very fond of, like a toy, and take it away from him for a bit as punishment but there is NOTHING he is terribly fond of. He is attached to NOTHING! So now we are at spanking. Spanking doesn't move him at all. He doesn't even flinch. I keep hitting a bit harder and harder and no reaction and the behaviour continues. I've tried ignoring the tantrums and the yelling and even the hitting at times, but now he has discovered he can make himself throw up. Now, you have to understand he is an exceptionally bright boy and is generally a very sweet, loving, mannerly kid, fun, outgoing, always smiling and laughing kid, but when things are not going his way, it begins. And then I find out it only seems this bad to me because he kicks it up a notch the second I walk in the door. I seem to be his trigger for some reason. I feel like I am losing my mind at times and have no clue what to do.

Erin - posted on 10/05/2010

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I think time out is a good idea but not in the crib then he will think he is being punished when it's time for bed. My son won't sit for a time out so I have made a little time out area for him. A play pen may work too.

Jennifer - posted on 06/13/2010

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my 21 mth old does that only to me to! I don't know how to get to stop doing it. especially when he does it away form home like when i pick him up from daycare!

Michelle - posted on 06/10/2010

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Putting him in time out is a good thing. Find a place that will be a designated time out area. You'll need it as they get older. Also, make sure you have some sort of timer. Your child might get out of the spot the first few times, but continue putting them in and telling them why and to stay and reset the time. You could also firmly hold their hand, look them in the eye, and say 'no' that is not nice/funny/etc. It hurts mommy and is not appropriate (I know a big word, but they will figure it out). And as a last resort a slight pat on the bottom sort of simulating a spanking, but more noise than anything for the more extreme hits. I do realize it's like saying 'don't hit as you hit", but sometimes that makes them stop and think. I have four boys and have done all of this with them. My two year old is the most stubborn so a lot of time outs.

Be consistent. They also might test you every once in awhile once you sort of got them trained.

Good luck!

[deleted account]

I think time out is the way to go. The only thing i would do different is not putting him in the crib as you don't want to end up with a negative association with it. Which is what happened to my daughter and her room since she was 1 and we are only now getting her out of it and she is slowly sleeping in her bed again. It might be a bit hard but a seat in a corner where there is no stimulation might be good but i know it is hard to get a 16 month old to stay but thats where you will have to be really on top of it. I hope this helps! :)

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