NO ICECREAM!-ideas plz

Danielle - posted on 10/05/2010 ( 14 moms have responded )

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Hi, let me give you a little back ground, then I'll ask my question. We live about a quarter mile from one set of my grandparents, so they get to see their great-grandson literally every-other day (at least), even if it's just for a few minutes. Ever since he was born my grandfather ("H") has bugged us (my hubby and I) about what "Tripp" eats, how much, etc. For example, when I had to stop BF because I wasn't producing in one and the DOCTOR said if I continued I would be lopsided (lol), "H" got on to me and told many people about my "problem". Then, even though the pediatrician said it'd be better to wait, they started feeding "Tripp" baby food with out telling me at 3 months. When I told him the doctor said "wait a bit longer" he said that the Dr didn't know what he was talking about. At 6 months they started bugging me about giving our son "adult" food and I would "catch them" (they would tell me or I would come in from outside and see them) trying to give him things such as real peas, pieces of meat,etc. When he turned 9 months we went to DQ and they gave him icecream when I was in the bathroom (my lil' bro told me). They soon after also started bugging me about getting him off of formula and onto whole milk. I have given them print off, pamphlets, and notes from MANY doctors telling them that he needs to be on formula until he's a year old, and be on baby food until that time as well. I've also given them lists of choking hazards and toddler serving sizes and how much daily intake he needs. (He is now a year old). However, they STILL don't listen to me (or my husband). Literally everytime I go down there they are trying to give him pie, or cake, or icecream, or hot dogs (no buns, but also the skin isn't peeled off and it's not cut (at all much less into slices)). They don't seem to understand why I get upset and say things like "I'm sorry your mama said no ice cream" when I flat out say NO. I've tried putting things are their fridge (like they told me), reminding them, and being flat out with them. Another thing is even if I JUST fed him, they will sit him in his highchair and put food infront of him (like cookies) and then not understand why he throws up, or chokes (or both depending on the food). I'm SOO tired of trying to explain to them how it's NOT good for my son, and that he has constipation all the time (which I can't seem to get rid of); it's to the point where I don't want to bring him down there at all, much less leave him alone with them while I do things that they've asked me to do (such as feed the dogs or other animals or take out the trash).

My question is: Should I stop bringing my son down to see his great-grandparents?

14 Comments

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Ericka - posted on 10/16/2010

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yes you should stop bringing him there. they dont realize it cause times have changed so much but they are hurting him. too many children today are over fed and become obese, that is what they are setting your son up to become. i know it is an extreme thing to say but if they feed him til he is getting sick, it is just like child abuse. i hope you can get this issue resolved.

Danielle - posted on 10/13/2010

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So I wanted to update ya'll on this:
My husband and I have only been down there twice since the talk (once when my dad came for a visit and once to get some mail that had gone to their house for some reason). My grandparents called and asked us to come visit and I said we couldn't because (and it's true) we were studying. Now they will call @ least twice a day "to see how things are going". I tell them fine and get off the phone as quickly as possible (otherwise they would tell us EVERY detail about their day). I'm hoping that in a few more days they will ask us why we haven't seen them and I can explain to them again. TY everyone for your comments!

Erin - posted on 10/12/2010

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If they don't listen limit your visit... and say well since you don't want to listen to us that is how its going to be>

Kristen - posted on 10/11/2010

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YES. It seems you have exhausted every other ration solution. And maybe they will get the hint and start listening to you!

Lana - posted on 10/11/2010

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I don't have that problem with any of my grandparents as i never got the chance to meet any of them. However i have that problem with my mother-in-law and every so often i just blow up at her and say i not taking it anymore they are my kids and you will abide by the way we are bringing them up or we will not bring them to visit and you will not be welcome at our house. I know that blowing up at your elders is disrespectful but it is the only thing she listens to. and my husband just says about time you stood up for yourself.

Erin - posted on 10/09/2010

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The answer is yes... if they don't respect what you say regarding your son... then say to them that you can't see him until you learn and respect what I and my husband is saying... You have every right to do this because its your child health and well being that is important,,,Thats the problem with older people they did that in there day... but in there day babies probably died and didn't even know why... Stick with what the doctors and others and say this what going to happen.

Corinne - posted on 10/09/2010

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YES. Have a sit down conversation with them and explain why you are doing it. If they are not going to listen and respect the wishes of yourself and your husband (and common sense), then you will not be able to visit anymore. Worked wonders with my Nan, and when she reverted to her old ways, I packed the kids up and left. Reember, this is about the safety and health of your child, stand firm. :)

Erin - posted on 10/08/2010

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Sorry things didn't go well. And I have to say if I was in your position I would try to distance myself a little bit.. Not visit as quite as much. You don't need to see them every other day maybe once a week then less than that.. I know it sounds a little harsh but what are you going to do when your son is a little older and understands them more? It's going to be hard to tell your son no to the treats after someone has already offered it to them. I'm not saying cut them out of your child's life but they defiantly need to be less involved in raising your child. Sometimes our parents and grandparents think that they get a say in how we raise our kids. I wouldn't trust them around my kid unless I was around.

Danielle - posted on 10/07/2010

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Well we talked to them and they basically blew it off...in fact as soon as my son started crying (he was rubbing his eyes and we could tell he was tired) "H" asked him if he wanted peppermint icecream!! I gave him a look and said "no, we just talked about that remember. Anyway, he's crying becasue he's tired, see how he's rubbing his eyes?" "H" just said oh ok and turned the tv up. They had previously asked me if they could watch him Sat night becuase they wanted to give me n my hubby the chance to go out since we haven't been out (just the 2 of us) for a while and I'm preggers agn lol. I told them I didn't know if we would feel like going out, now after the icecream incident we've decided not to :-(. I hope that after a few times of me never leaving his side at their house they will ask me why and I can tell them; maybe then they will understand. In the mean-time...Oh and Julie, I kinda know what you mean. They had a dog that was miserable (couldn't control her bladder and had heartworms), I suggested they put her down, but they wouldn't do it because she was "just fine". The other day I noticed a huge abcess on her side and that she was limping. She also didn't want to walk and wouldn't eat. We convinced them to let us (myself and hubby) to take her to the vet and he said she had 3rd stage heartworms, a kidney infection, and cancer (also it looked like she'd been stung on the foot). When we arrived at the vets she also wasn't breathing very well. I called them and asked if they wanted to put her down and they said no until the vet got on and told them it would be best for the dog. My hubby said that they prob didn't want to put her down because they were able to relate w/her, but I feel that it was just making the poor thing unhappy and personally if I was like that I would want to be put down (not be a "vegetable"). sorry I rambled lol.

Julie - posted on 10/07/2010

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Sorry, I don't think they are capable of change. You have a healthy child and they want to feed him for whatever reason. Old people like to feed kids and pets. Lord knows I have seen hundreds of OBESE dogs that are dying and the older folks in the home CANNOT be convince to STOP FEEDING! I don't think it will be any different with your child, especially since he is healthy otherwise. I am sorry to say that I think the only way they can see them while keeping with your requested diet do's and don'ts is with you present (apparently, without potty breaks).

I wish you the best of luck and hope that your grandparents prove me wrong!

Erin - posted on 10/07/2010

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Good for you, Danielle. I'm aware how difficult these things can be sometimes. It's not always easy to stand up to our elders that we love and respect, even though we're adults they still think of us as children and that we don't know as well as they do. I myself have been in situations when I've had to put my foot down and it hasn't always been easy. I hope they'll take what you have to say to heart. Grandparents (though they can be stubborn at times) truly are wonderful. Good Luck:)

Danielle - posted on 10/07/2010

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Thank you both (Jen and Erin) for your advice. My hubby and I read your comments and talked about it and decided we're going to talk to them about it together the next time we see them. Hopefully with both of us there and facts (and being nice) they will understand. :-)

Erin - posted on 10/07/2010

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I wouldn't bring my son there any more. I don't think your grandparents mean any harm but their generation is so much different. People from their generation are always saying "That's how we did it and our kids turned out fine." And that may very well be, however doctors are always doing research to improve the health of our children, and have come a long way since the time of our grandparents. For instance back then they used to put honey on infants pacifiers to get them to take it, now a days you would never do that because scientists have done studies that honey can actually kill a baby because of certain bacterias. They also used to give their babies their bottles to bed with them. And those are only a couple of examples of how things have changed.

Your son being there is starting to affect his health if he is vomiting and becoming constipated. My son was on formula until he was one,he started rice cereal at 4 months, at 6 months I stared giving him baby foods, and 7 or 8 months I started tapering in regular finger foods like cheerios, strawberries, and bananas. He is 2 and a half now and when he has ice cream it is a TREAT. The sooner they start eating that type of junk on a regular basis the more they're going to want it. Their eating habits are formed when they are little, and your grandparents are setting him up for a lifetime of being overweight. Especially with the cookies and the ice cream.

What bothers my the most is how they are undermining you in front of your child. Some of the things you described almost sounds like they're just trying to taunt you.You need to gently tell your grandparent that if they don't listen to you your not going to be bringing you baby over there any more. You need to set some ground rules and let them know that you and your husband are his parents not them. And if they can't respect your wishes then he will no longer go there. I know it won't be easy but your son's health depends on it.

Jen - posted on 10/06/2010

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tell them straight i need you to stop feeding my son all these foods if you dont i wont be bringing him to visit im sorry but im just doing my job as mom.

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