One month away from being 4 years old and starting with Public Tantrums What can I do ????

Rena - posted on 05/10/2010 ( 5 moms have responded )

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How should I help calm My daughter down when she is throwing a tantrum ? Should I give in to her demands just to keep the peace in public or use disapline or just simply ignore it and stand my ground ( and somehow try to ignore the stares ,the Screams and tears) ?

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Marcy - posted on 05/11/2010

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We do a lot of planning ahead of time. I explain to my son how important it is that he be mommies big boy helper and will ask him for help at the grocery store or let him pick out a special treat when we are done. I think at that age its all about empowering them and making them feel important and heard. Just this morning my son was so upset because it was time to leave for school and he wasn't done playing cars. He crossed his arms, stuck out his chin and said "No, I won't leave the house." So I got donw at his level and said to him "I understand that you want to continue to play cars but mommy has to go to work and you have to go to school. YOu are a big boy and you know how to behave better." I then told him I would meet him at the front door when he was ready to act like a big boy. It took about 3 minutes and he was ready to go.

In regards to standing your ground as long as you don't yell, you get down at their level and you are very clear about expectations then it is going to be okay. if you feel that you have done these things then there is no reason to give in. Good luck!

Erin - posted on 05/11/2010

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My son is doing the same thing! He'll be 4 the 24th of this month, & uo until now, has been very pleasant. But now, he will throw a fit at the drop of a hat!! His older sister will be 7 in September & unfortunetly has quite an attitude....I was thinking he picked up his attitude from her. The only tricks I've learned was removing them from the situation like Julie said....giving in any little bit DOES not work. They always think they will get something the next time.

Tracie - posted on 05/10/2010

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When my daughter (4)started throwing 'supermarket fits' I would say very quietly (when she paused to take a breath) "you'll have to scream a little louder- the people at the other end can't quite hear you" I can't believe it worked, probably because I pretty much carried on and ignored her, so she gave up fast! I have also have told my (then) 4 y/o boy that you are not allowed to cry at the shops, because the manager will come and tell you to leave. Mostly though getting the luncheon/ham at the deli(weighed and able to be opened) keeps mine pretty quiet. With them wanting this and wanting that, maybe set an amount that they can spend if you can? I've also told an offending child that I would go to shops on my own next time- and did precisely that (reminding them why they have to stay behind- because of the last times experience beeing less than plesant) I agree with Julie about telling them what you expect to happen at the shop and leaving if it does happen :-) Good Luck

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Ignore the people glaring at you etc. If they are glaring at you then they clearly have misconceived notions of being a parent. Kids act up. They will do so at the most inopportune time because they want to test their limits. It does not make us bad parents.

Stand your ground. Giving in will make it worse because you are then reinforcing the tantrums. She will learn that if she tantrums loud enough and long enough you will give in and she gets what she wants.

Before you go out. Have a conversation about why you are going shopping, what you are going to get and your expectations for her. Are you going to give her any warnings/a count to 5 to compose herself etc.

If it's grocery shopping try to encourage her to help you, even help make the grocery list by cutting and pasting pictures from fliers to a piece of paper.
Tell her the consequences for tantruming while out.
If she does it at the park you will just take her home.
If she does it while shopping, you will leave and go shopping without her next time.
Make going with you a privilege and make her own her behaviour.
Talk about how it makes you feel when she tantrums. Ask her how she would feel if you were to do the same thing to her. She is old enough to learn empathy for others.

Good luck!

Julie - posted on 05/10/2010

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My son just started doing the exact same thing. He'll be 4 in August. I found that giving into him just made it worse. He then saw that if he threw a fit, he'd get his way. Now, I tell him before we go into the store, restaurant, etc... that if he acts up we will turn around and leave. I had to stick to it and leave a cart full of groceries twice. That seemed to work. He hasn't thrown a fit since the last time I did this. I hope that it doesn't happen again, but if it does, I'll just continue to turn around and leave. Yes, it was inconvenient leaving my groceries, but worth it in the long run. As for the stares, don't let that bother you. I guarantee that the people staring went through the same thing at one time or another. I hope this helped.

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