parenting with chronic pain disorders...

Sara - posted on 08/25/2009 ( 7 moms have responded )

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What kinds of things do you do to help you feel better and not feel guilty about not being able to do the "normal" kid things with your kids. I just found out that I have fibromyalgia. Now that i know that I have to slow down and really listen to my body when I don't feel good. Or I will pay for it later. I have missed work and my household has suffered by not being clean and tidy enough for my ADHD children to live in. I am sick of being sick I have said for the last 2 years....well, I now have to in order to not be disabled. How do I do that with three little kids? Right now, my fiance is not working he is laid off, but after he goes back to work, I know I am doomed...HELP!!!

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Hi Sara. I, too, have fibro, a toddler and am 43 yr.s old! Your concerns are very real. Since you have just been diagnosed, I hope you have (or will find) a good dr. It will take some time to figure out what best helps you, so don't give up. In the meantime, enlist your S.O.s help. If you live near family, perhaps they could help, too. Persons with chronic pain must fight depression and finally come to realize what's most important in life. Do the best you can and be satisfied with that. Your cond. can't take away the love you feel for your children and that is what matters most to them, anyway. Find out all you can about your condition. In my case, the combination of Lyrica and tramadol have helped me tremendously. I hope you find relief soon. Feel free to e-mail me whenever you would like to. You are in my prayers. AND, I don't know how you feel about it, but, you could benefit from geting "disability". sometimes the process of getting it takes a year, or more; so you might want to apply now! It's something to consider.

Yolanda Delaine - posted on 08/28/2009

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I have major problems with pain and dealing with cleaning my house as well. Although, Child Protective Services doesn't understand nor does it want to understand that too. I do have my kids dad here living with me to help me, but he can't keep up with 2 toddlers and the household all by himself every day. But there are some days when I hurt so bad that I simply cannot get out of bed. Also, Shawn, their dad has Asperger's which is the higher end of Autism. So, he is almost like having a child around himself. I worry constantly everyday whether or not the house will be clean enough if a worker happens to drop by or for my daughter's speech therapy teacher to come over. We have 2 roommates who only have mental problems but they don't seem to want to help a whole lot. It would be nice to have a babysitter a few times a week to give us a chance to catch up on the housework. We did find some solutions though to help us keep the house cleaner. One was we completely blocked off the kitchen from the kids and they are no longer allowed to eat anywhere but in their high chairs. This helps contain the crumbs which becomes a major problem. Secondly, we bought a lot of storage, high shelves and cabinets that we could tie the doors together and stashed everything except their toys inside of them. And we make sure we put things away after we are done using them, because we know Hannah (my 2 year old) will destroy it and scatter things around the house or if it's markers they will mark on the walls. The next thing we did was we had to block off our upstairs bathroom and bedroom completely as well. That way we don't have to worry about them getting into the bathroom and our bedroom and making messes. Also, it gives our cats a refuge from the toddlers, our bedroom. Then, we put big toy boxes upstairs and downstairs and also bought 2 diaper pails. One upstairs and one downstairs. Then we set up chore lists that we wrote, one for upstairs and one for downstairs. Then we also put a broom, mop, and trash bags for upstairs as well as a set for downstairs. I also tried putting little trash cans on table tops. We have one on our desk top, our counter tops, and our table top. They all have lids and small bags which I got all this at the dollar store. Then we taped up all cords and hid them behind heavier furniture so they can't get behind there to the cords. So far things are working well and it's helping that we made "cleaning" easier by putting more of one thing around the house so we don't have to walk too far to throw things away. Throwing things in the trash cans helps the most! Then the most we have to do is empty the trashcans into a bigger bin and take the one bin out to the dumpster. I've also set up special bins around the house for recycles. The only major problem we still have is our kitchen. If I don't clean up the kitchen it usually doesn't get clean. Some days I just hurt too much to do it. But it never goes longer than a day or two, over which I worry until it gets clean. Anyone got any incentives for the other adults in the house to help keep the kitchen clean? Also, my hunny has a bad habit of taking dishes all over the house. lol. Not a good thing. Well, I am sorry this was such a long post, I hope there were some helpful things in here and I hope it helps that I can empathize with you going through the pain.

Josi - posted on 08/27/2009

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Do you have any family nearby? Or do you belong to a church? My advice would be to ask for help. There are people out there who are willing and able to help you out. You can't do it all and you have to take care of yourself first. Heck, if I lived nearby I'de help you. How difficult for you! You'll be in my prayers, Sara.

Shirley - posted on 08/25/2009

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Hi Sarah,

I am sorry to hear you have pain. It is very difficult to parent effectively with pain. I myself do not suffer from chronic pain but I nurse many people who suffer from bad pain and that have had it most of their lives. It is annoying and doesn't help your self esteem or mental health. I have a web site that may have some answers for you, it may not cure you but trying out some of the things they suggest may make life a little more bareable for you. http://www.healthy-living.org/html/fibro... This website is specific to fibromyalgia. Also your local hospital may have pain clinics attached to it that help people with chronic pain function on a day to day basis. Good luck and I hope this helps. Keep your chin up and don't worry about the house work that is the least of your worries at this stage. If your kids need to run around take them to an enclosed park to burn some energy and you don't have to run around after them. Take care.

Shanna - posted on 08/25/2009

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I have not been diagnosed with a pain disorder. But I do have chronic pain and am being treated. My doctors are approving a complete hysterectomy and I am 28 years old. So I know the pain aspect. It stinks! When I am in pain and I know I can't do anymore I have to make myself stop. Your home and family do suffer. But the laundry piling up and the dishes laying in the sink do not matter as much as mommy feeling good. Try not to be so hard on yourself. I know how depressing it can be when you want to be normal and you are sick of being in bed. Because you know your family needs you. If I can give you any advice it is just to make sure you take care of yourself. That is a good lesson to teach your children as well.

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