PLEASE HELP ME MY SON IS 19MONTHZ N STILL SLEEPS IN OUR BED

Jessica - posted on 02/22/2009 ( 19 moms have responded )

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HI my son has never slept in his cote frm the day he was born when is was a first born we wuld put him in it n he wuld just cry so much it wuld make him sick so we just put him in the bed with us n now at 19monthz he will not get out...I hav tried moving the cote in our roomn he just does the same thing cries till he chuck, ive tried putting him to sleeep then putting him in it that dnt work i hav even tried buying him a new lil bed to sleep in n put that n our room but he will not even sleep in that n now he will not even let his dad in the bed with us when he cums to bed ashton will kick n bite n try n push him out of the bed n my partner his not aloud to touch me at all wen were in bed he cant even rest his hand my head ashton will get angry n try n moveit n then he willl bite himtill his moves.. so most the time my partner will sleep in a different room from us...CAN ANYONE HELP ME !!!!!

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Lorna - posted on 02/26/2009

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HI, I HAVE THE SAME PROBLEM MY 2 AND AHALF YR OLD SON SLEEPS IN MY BED. ONCE HE IS ASLEEP THOUGH I TRY TO CAREFULLY PUT HIM INTO HIS BED. TRYING NOT TO WAKE HIM.

IT IS HARD AND I AM JUST TOO SOFT WITH HIM!

Amber - posted on 02/26/2009

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My son slept well in his crib until he was about 18 months (I was due to have another baby in a few months so I moved him to a "big boy bed"- which gave him the ability to climb out and jump in our bed in the middle of the night...)
For me it came down to which was more important, my sleep or getting him into his own bed. For awhile, I will admit- it was my sleep! After awhile when he took up too much of the bed and I ended up exhaused, and he was too as he was tossing and turning and generally uncomfortable in the confined space, I bit the bullet. (I had a month off from work before my daughter came, so I used the opportunity)
Every time he came into our room, I would walk him back to his bed and sit with him until he dozed again. This would happen 2-3 times a night at first, then eventually to just once. It took awhile, and there was of course setbacks when his sister was born, but now he stays there all night "until the sun comes up" when I let him in our bed. Thats the only time hes welcomed in our bed now, and it works for him! A good night routine helps too. We have baths, then read a couple of stories and he settles well.
Good luck with whatever you choose!

Roanna - posted on 02/26/2009

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no mother should be made to feel guilty! Every family is different and you have to do whats right for you. Besides even if you were the perfect mother, I bet there would still be people out there with suggestions on how to do it better!

Jessica - posted on 02/25/2009

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Quoting Cathy:

hi my son is 20 months old and still he is in our bed half the night. this is my 3rd child and they have all been the same.so i gave up on gettin them to stay in their own bed ages ago. i say go with the flow and dont let people make you feel guilty about it especially parents and inlaws who never would have dreamt of having a child in their bed.it does get a bit crowded at times but just remember they wont want to sleep with you forever they grow out of it eventually



Hi cathy thanx for your message i do feel guilty somethimes when other parents say omg you let him sleep in your bed n all that stuff... i slept with my parents till i was 2 n half n then i went in my own bed by myself so i guess with my son when his ready he will sleep on his own

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What we did was we got a toddler bed, it's a little race car, and put it at the end of our bed. We did this at about 18 mo. We didn't do anything other than encourage playing in it. We'd read to him and such and just had it there. Then after a few months we would move my son in there during his naps. I would nurse him to sleep in our bed in the day, then after about 10 minutes, ensuring he was asleep, I moved him into his toddler bed. We did this for another 2-3 months.

We never had the issue of him being aggressive w/my hubby, daddy, and in fact my hubby made it a real point to snuggle with him in bed too. However, we did have the problem of him kicking us both in the middle of the night.

Well when my son was 19mo we got pregnant again. So by the time he was almost 2, 2 weeks before his 2yr b-day, I was getting pretty big and the kicking became a real problem. I had to put my foot down and just said, look buddy, you are kicking mommy in the night in the back and in the tummy. I cannot sleep and that is dangerous for the baby. So mommy needs you to sleep in your own bed OK? Then we started nursing him to sleep in his own bed. Once he was asleep I would wait 10 mins and then get out. He would wake and try to come get back in bed a few times, but I told him it was OK, mommy and daddy are right here. You need to go back to sleep in your bed. If needed my hubby would lay with him. This only happened like the 1st week.

Well after a few weeks of nursing him to sleep in his toddler bed, I got too big and couldn't get out of bed anymore. So now we are back to nursing to sleep in our bed. But, my son is now 26 mo. and I only nurse him for like 5-10 mins because it is all I can stand since I am almost 34 weeks pregnant. I tell him, you get 5 mins or 10 mins. Then just before he's out I say OK, we're done now. Here is some water, give him a drink from his sippy cup and tell him it's time to get in his bed and he walks down to his bed, jumps in, I give him his sippy cup of water right by him in bed, kiss him good night, tuck him in and that's that. I stay right there w/him in our room, in my bed until he's sleeping. If he's fussy at all, I tell him, buddy mommy is right here, you need to sleep in your bed now, time to sleep and go to bed.

I will also admit, we have a crib in his room. We use it as a threat often.... we say, do you want to go sleep on your own in your crib in your own room? Be good or you will go in there. We've had to put him in there a couple times, but only for a few minutes and then we bring him back to our room. We figure, oh well on the crib being punishment since he won't ever use it since he's in a toddler bed now anyway... we'll also work on transitioning him to his own room likely in a year or so. We figure we're making progress so that's good and we just were really forward with him, talked to him about what we needed and he seems to understand and is doing well in his own bed at the foot of our bed.

At this point though I think the most important thing is tackling the aggressive behavior towards your partner. Is that daddy? If not, that might be why and that's potentially an entirely different situation... especially if Daddy is around at all. Then he knows that's not his daddy. In which case, I would suggest working immediately on getting him into his own bed. Best wishes!

Keiyana - posted on 02/25/2009

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As a mother of a 3 year old and an 18 month old, I know exactly how you feel.  Both of my boys are sleeping in their room during the night, but it has not happened without it's ups and downs.  Unfortunately as moms, we want to protect our little one's and therefore, we hate to see them cry.   But I had to realize that a parent with no sleep and two cranky toddlrers who are also sleep deprived is not healthy.  As much as it hurt my husband and I, I had o put the boys in their own room and let them cry themselves to sleep.  I started out by letting them take naps in there during the day.  When they would cry out, I would come into the room but not pick them up.  I would sit down on the floor and let them know that everything was okay, but I refused to pick them up. (As much as that hurt me, I had to do it) Eventually, after about a week and a half of doing so, both boys were able to stay in their room all night.  It has now been 5 months and so far, so good.

Tammala - posted on 02/25/2009

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i am not sure but if you get any ideas please let me know my little boy is two and still in the bed with me and my husband mainly because my husband works at night.

Zoe - posted on 02/25/2009

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I had the sort of the same problem... I read the book super nany. It is really good! try the contolled crying technique. I did this because my son didnt knwo how to go to sleep by him self he was 13 months old.Of course the following probably wont work if the kids can get out of bed on his own so a crib would be helpful. After doing this with my son it took so much stress of of me.!!



Before you start, spend some time learning to differentiate between your baby’s cries. Once you are confident you can recognize when your baby is crying for comfort and attention, instead of tyring to tell you he's unwell, you can begin. If a baby is looking for comfort he will often cry and pause, like he's listening for you to come, and the crying may become more angry-sounding than distressed sobbing.





When your baby wakes, listen to him cry to make sure he is not distressed. If you're confident it is a comfort cry, wait for two minutes, then go to him and soothe him with gentle noises and a smooth of the back. Keep the room dark and don’t make eye contact. Once he is calm but before he has fallen asleep again, leave the room.

Repeat if your baby wakes again, this time waiting for four minutes before going to him, and doubling the period each subsequent time he wakes.

Listening to your baby cry can be harrowing and upsetting, so make sure you have the support of your partner or ask a friend to stay with you while you try this technique. You should begin to see some improvement in one week, but be prepared to keep this technique up for three weeks if necessary.



 



http://www.supernanny.com



 



Hope this helps

Cathy - posted on 02/25/2009

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hi my son is 20 months old and still he is in our bed half the night. this is my 3rd child and they have all been the same.so i gave up on gettin them to stay in their own bed ages ago. i say go with the flow and dont let people make you feel guilty about it especially parents and inlaws who never would have dreamt of having a child in their bed.it does get a bit crowded at times but just remember they wont want to sleep with you forever they grow out of it eventually

Vicki - posted on 02/25/2009

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Sorry to seem a bit hard but babies should be in a rountine from an very early age and put to bed in there ROOM and COT.I have no problems wif my 18 mth old going to bed in his own rm and cot because thats all he no's.

Roanna - posted on 02/25/2009

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I have the reverse problem, I wish my son would come and sleep with me but he wants nothing to do with it! Maybe if you made the cot a bit more inviting, a few snuggly teddies, maybe a nite light, would that tempt him more? I guess your bed is warm, inviting, has mummy in it, and he might feel "banished" to the cot. Try making it his space, and try and get him to enjoy it for a nap or some down time in the day, then at night it may seem like a more appealing option? My son loves his cot, it has tons of teddies, a squidgy toddler pillow, and a few cot bumpers with colourful pics on them, and he definately recognises it as his space. Other than that I agree with the other mums that patience and persistence has to be the way forward. I guess previously he assumed that you'd give up on the cot idea and take him back to bed with you after a tantrum or two! Good luck!

Kathrine - posted on 02/24/2009

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I definitely agree with some of the other Moms. It is not an easy task, and it will take months probably but if you give in once to getting him and giving in then he will know if he holds out long enough you will do it everytime. He may only be 19 months but they are very smart at a very young age. You need to put him in his bed, in his room and leave him. If he cried for over 30 minutes, walk back in, without picking him up, rub his back, talk to him and then walk out again. After 30 more minutes do the same thing. Continue all night if you need to. I know it means you won't get any sleep either and that is a hard thing to give up but in the long run it will be worth it. I have friends who have six year olds who still sleep with them because they didn't break the habit soon enough and now it is much more difficult. Again, it will not be easy for anyone in the household but you have to stick with it. Good luck!

Vicki - posted on 02/24/2009

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Sounds like you.ve got a right battle on ya hands.My little boy is 18 mths old and as been in is own cot and bedrm since 5 mths old.Goes to bed at half 7 till 8 ish nxt morning.U should of stuck to ur guns when he woz little and bringing him to ur bed.....Well??? Thats all he no's now doesnt no any thing different and is gonna be very hard.You.ll just have to put ur foot down wif him i no its gonna be hard but.....

Lynette - posted on 02/24/2009

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hi this i can help u with my son did this and i had t be firm just put him in his own bed wen its time to sleep this will so cruel but its the wright way just kiss him and say goodnight he will cry for about half an hour but just egnore and hell sleep then the next night he will cry but not long and the third or fourth night he will just sleep without crying it took me 3 nights but now i say goodnight and he goes straight to sleep

Jessica - posted on 02/24/2009

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hi i hav already tired the one were u put him in the cote n walk out n stay out for longer n longer but it didnt work he just kept crying n cryin n after about 5 hrs i had enough n just put himin the bed with us n he wnt straight to sleep



i hav spoken to the doctor n my health nurse n everything they tell me to do i do but it dont work i hav been trying from the time he was just over 12 monthz n nothing seems to work tho

Casey - posted on 02/24/2009

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thats going to be a hard one to break seeing tho your child thinks its "normal" to sleep with you!!  have you talked to your dr?

Louina - posted on 02/23/2009

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hey i had problems with my 2year old, when i put him down in his cot he would scream the place down so he use to end up in our bed, after a while i had had enough so i tried a method i had seen on tv and read about. i put him in his cot, gave him a kiss then left the room to stand outside the door. as soon as i left he would cry but i left him for a short while then went back in to lay him down then straight back out the room this time for a little longer. this went on for ages but after a while he fell to sleep on his own in his own cot, i had to do this every nite for a while. it is so hard to leave your child crying but it is worth it in the end.

Lubna - posted on 02/23/2009

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It sounds like your little man is in need of learning how to sleep on his own.  I sympathize with your situation.  My little 20 month old is finely sleeping through the night.  I hated putting her through the whole crying jags.  They were draining on us both.  I believe her resistance to the idea of sleeping by herself came from her need for a sense of security in her sleep.



I decided to just follow a constant bed time routine of bath, book and a little cuddle time just before she was placed in her crib.  I sat by her crib reading a book quietyly to myself until she fell asleep.  Each night she would wake up a little later than the last.  Everytime she woke up I would give her a quick hug and place her back in her crib and and sat next to her until she slept.  I think it was a matter of trusting that I would always come for her when she needed me that finally allowed her to peaceful fall of to sleep in her crib on her own.



I don't know if this will work for you.  It is a pretty long process.  It has taken us the past two months to reach this point.  There has been ups and downs as we went through this process.  Good Luck with your little one.  May he be counting sheep in his own little bed pretty soon.

Amanda - posted on 02/23/2009

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This might help.

http://www.supernanny.com/Advice/-/Your-...

I am having the same problem. You just have to stay consistent. It's hard and will break your heart at times, but in the end it's for the best. Stay strong!

I watch her show, and she seems to get results with what she does.

Good luck!

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