please someone help me!!

Becky - posted on 07/12/2009 ( 10 moms have responded )

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my daugter was born dec 19th 2005, i am trying to get her to put herself to sleep. some people have told me she is to little still for me to do that, that i need to sit next to her till she falls asleep what does everyone else think? when i do make her put herself to sleep like right now as we speak she screams at the top of her lungs, she trys and makes herself throw up, she throws toys around her room, she turns her light on. i of course start yelling at her and i lose my mind, i endup taking toys away im not sure what to do what do i do, please can anyone out there help me out on this topic? thanks!

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Anna - posted on 07/12/2009

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Well, I can only speak from experience and my 3yr old is my "champion sleeper" He has been putting himself to sleep since he was around 9 months old. That being said, he has a very predictable routine, which I think is very helpful, b/c he knows what's coming during the day and in the evening. I would start by making a specific bedtime routine, quiet time an hour before bedtime to settle down, 1/2 to bedtime do the quiet time in her room, read books and then time to crawl into bed awake. My ds always looks outside and says, the sun is sleeping, it's time for bed mama, I have said this to him since he was very little. Maybe take her to pick out a special bedtime stuffed animal or lovey that will be comforting for her. Since this has been an ongoing issue I might sit in her room the first few nights, so she feels safe and secure, but let her fall asleep on her own, don't engage with her at all. Most importantly stay calm, your her mother, she looks to you for guidance and is going to model your behavior, so if your yelling, she will too. You don't want bedtime to be a fight or for you child to fall asleep upset. You can do this, you can make bedtime peaceful for you family, stay positive! Good Luck!

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Melissa - posted on 07/18/2009

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I totally understand, either get a tv in her room so she can watch cartoons to sooth her, it works baby einstins, or tedious puting in bed loudly say lay down and give a drink. Even changing to a fluffy blanket can shange the mood. I make blankets that have the flannel type feel so far kids love them. great nap buddies.

Lyndsay - posted on 07/18/2009

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I definitely don't think she is too old to put herself to sleep. Maybe the problem is that you've been sitting next to her putting her to bed all this time, so she's used to it and expects it. You can't go on with this forever -- she is going to need to learn how to be an independent sleeper at some point. I would say let her holler for a few minutes, then go in her room and have her lay back down on her pillow and tuck her in. Tell her firmly goodnight, see you in the morning, and leave. If she keeps crying let it go on a little longer, then repeat. The worst thing you can do is make a big scene at bedtime, because that's just going to get everyone riled up. You need to be gentle and calming. Maybe try putting on some music at bed time, so she has something to listen to as she's falling asleep? I do, however, think that you should be involved in putting her down for the night. Don't sit with her until she falls asleep but at least put her in her bed and tell her goodnight.

Jessica - posted on 07/18/2009

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It is hard to get them to put themselves to sleep, but try anything that you know will soothe her. I read to my son and he gets comfortable and goes to sleep once I leave the room. But even try getting a night time light toy that plays music too. You know the ones that have dancing lights on the wall. That helped with my sister when she was a toddler.

Becky - posted on 07/18/2009

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ok so i went and bought that book and omg i am amazed!! i did everything it said and there has been NO battle at bedtime. the 1st night i used it it took me start to finish about an hour till she feel asleep, tonight which is the 2nd night we did the new routine, from start to finish 30 mins yeah!! thank you so much for the book suggestion i Highly would recommend this book to everyone to get there child to sleep the Healthy way. thanks again!!

Becky - posted on 07/16/2009

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thanks so much i will go check the book out. tonight took me an hour to get her to go to sleep and that was with me sitting by her door, so she still knew i was in the room and didnt leave her. i am slowly trying to get her use to the fact that she dosnt need me to put her to bed, i was reading the super nanny book. thanks eveyone for the advice!!

Liz - posted on 07/15/2009

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If you don't let her learn now to put herself to sleep you will always have issues. Both of my daughters (3 and almost 2) have been putting themselves to sleep since they were about 6 months old. They will go through stages where they test this, just went through it with my 3 yr old, but as long as you decide how you're going to handle it and always be consistent you will never have long term issues.
While I was pregnant a friend told me about a book "HEALTHY SLEEP HABITS,HAPPY CHILD by Marc Weissbluth, M.D." This has been my bible since they were infants and have had very little issues. Both of my girls go to bed between 5:00-6:00 and will sleep until 6:00. Check out the book, and breaks down age groups and many sleep issues you might encounter. It also gives you a few different techniques on how to tackle sleep issues so if you're not comfortable with one method you have options. Also routine is very important at night! You can deviate the time a little depending on the day but you should always do the same thing.

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i agree with anna. even before my son was born in 2007, i read to him at night. we actually just switched to a toddler bed and he's done very well. we still have the same routine except now he gets to pick out his 3 books to read. i think 4 is still to young to have her put herself to bed. you should definatly establish a routine where you can wind down with her.

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Quoting Anna:

Well, I can only speak from experience and my 3yr old is my "champion sleeper" He has been putting himself to sleep since he was around 9 months old. That being said, he has a very predictable routine, which I think is very helpful, b/c he knows what's coming during the day and in the evening. I would start by making a specific bedtime routine, quiet time an hour before bedtime to settle down, 1/2 to bedtime do the quiet time in her room, read books and then time to crawl into bed awake. My ds always looks outside and says, the sun is sleeping, it's time for bed mama, I have said this to him since he was very little. Maybe take her to pick out a special bedtime stuffed animal or lovey that will be comforting for her. Since this has been an ongoing issue I might sit in her room the first few nights, so she feels safe and secure, but let her fall asleep on her own, don't engage with her at all. Most importantly stay calm, your her mother, she looks to you for guidance and is going to model your behavior, so if your yelling, she will too. You don't want bedtime to be a fight or for you child to fall asleep upset. You can do this, you can make bedtime peaceful for you family, stay positive! Good Luck!



Perfect answer...that's exactly what we did with my daughter. She knows when bedtime is coming and she has a routine..brush teeth, pj's, stories, abc song, twinkle star song and then prayers. It can get tiresome but it's easier than the fight that can ensue over bedtime.

Sarah - posted on 07/12/2009

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I would not let her cry herself to sleep alone. Trust your instincts. There is a great book called Good Night Sleep Tight by Kim West (a sleep psychologist for kids). It has helped us a lot.

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