Potty Training Concerns

Jessica - posted on 04/08/2011 ( 23 moms have responded )

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I am starting to become concerned. My 28 month old daughter is still ok with sitting in her soiled diapers. She seems interested in the "big girl" potty but when I put her there she never goes. And she hides behind the couch and yells, Mom I'm pooping, but when I say let's go on the potty. She screams no. And to get her to change her yucky diaper, that's a fight!!! HELP!!!! what do I do??

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Elizabeth - posted on 04/09/2011

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What she is doing is totally normal. Now it doesn't necessarily mean she is ready for potty training.



When your child exhibits more than one of these signs ..it might be time to start potty training:



-stays dry for a few hours at a time

-can remove own pants

-shows interest in the potty



Now you need to help her get motivated..with mental preparation for this potty training.



-talk about the potty

-bring her in the bathroom with you when you go and have a potty available for her IF she wants to sit on it

-ask questions which she can answer ..like

"where does pee pee go?"," where does poop go?" , "mommy and daddy use the potty, did you know that?"



Once this preparation has been done for a bit and she is showing the signs above..then it's time to follow her lead in the potty training...switch to underwear..please don't use pull ups..they are just an expensive diaper..the child doesn't feel any different physically because it wicks the liquid away. Underwear allows the child to feel discomfort from wetting or pooping.



*Never push her because it will become a power struggle..remember that potty training doesn't happen because YOU want it to..it happens because SHE decides she wants to comply with it.



The average age of a potty trained child is 4 1/2 years of age. (that's #1 and #2) and that isn't even taking into consideration bed wetting.

Louise - posted on 04/08/2011

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If she is hiding to poop she is ready to potty train. You just have to be brave and go cold turkey and use pants and not nappies any more. A nappy gives her permission to carry on pooping and not using the toilet. use pants all the time whilst in the house and keep taking her to the toilet every half an hour until she has peed and then wait an hour and start again.

My daughter is the same age and she has been out of nappies now for 2 months. I never bothered with a potty for any of my kids they watched what went on in the bathroom and then wanted to copy to be a big girl. Try using a toilet seat rather than a potty to see if that will inspire her to conform. My daughter felt uneasy to poop in the toilet until we made it into a game. Now she is fine and laughs as she hears the splash. (I know yucky, but it works) Good luck.

Jenny - posted on 04/11/2011

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My daughter is just over 2 and in day care. While at school she is given the opportunity of sitting on the toilet (they have the little kid size ones). Sometimes she does, sometimes not and occasionally she goes on the potty. In fact today, she was dry at her 3:00 diaper change meaning she had control during her nap and DID pee on the potty!
I'm taking this very slow because eveyone I've talked with had struggles when trying to potty train. I truely believe this is one area our kids feel they have the most control and we do the same as day care. Ask if she wants to sit on the potty -- sometimes yes sometimes no. She's only had anything happen once.
Don't worry about it too much.

Julie - posted on 04/11/2011

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I too have struggle MAJORLY with potty training all 3 of my kids. We started with my daughter when she was around 2 1/2 and I remember it took a good year. Then she had the opposite problem, she would hold it all day. She is now just over 6 y.o. and STILL uses a pull-up to poop in most of the time. I have asked several pediatricians in the office we go to and they all say "It's a power thing, she'll do it when she's ready. If you push the issue you will set her back 6 months." I too would try to make her at least try to sit on the potty and go, but she would just be a crying, hysterical mess and wouldn't go. If I didn't give her a pull-up she would hold it all day, until she got her night diaper & then go. Then she would be miserable and be constipated for the next 2-3 days. She is just now starting to go poop on the potty sometimes. I try to praise her and get's to pick from the goodie box when she goes. Potty training needs to be positive, not negative. I don't like when my own mother will say negative things to them about it. My ped. said that if they are hiding when they go, then it's a pyschological thing, and they aren't ready.
I also have identical twin boys that are just over 4 and we have been trying to potty train them for almost a year too. We have tried the 3 day thing, a few times, but they would just go in their underwear and not even tell us they were wet. One of them just went pee and poop on the little potty a couple of weeks ago and has been in underwear ever since without any accidents. The other one is kind of hit and miss......sometimes he will go in the potty, but he will still go both poop & pee in his underwear and not tell me & just sit in it. Sometimes my 6 y.o. will sit in her poopy pull-up too & I have to struggle with her to change her even though she knows that it irritates her skin to sit in it. It's getting easier as she's getting older and I think she is really motivated now that her brothers are going on the potty. They kept saying that my kids would start doing it when they started school, but the boys have been in preschool for over 6 months now and my daughter would not even go at all day kindergarten for several months either.....I would have to head straight home every day after school and she would run in and go potty right away.
Every child is different and I think the real potty training age is later than people think. Of course I know kids that aren't even 2 and are potty trained (usually a second child that see's the older one going, especially if they are the same gender.) Not all of us can be that lucky. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone and that I know it's hard to be patient. I saw another post, and I agree with them......it's on the child's scedule, not ours unfortunately. Good luck!

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Amber - posted on 04/15/2011

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I got this advice from my pediatrician. It may help. When you feed your child lunch, have them eat, then sit and watch tv. quietly for twenty or thirty minutes. Then get them to sit on the potty and try to have a BM. Usually, after they eat, their body needs to go to the bathroom. It worked for us. If a child gets constipated, use something that is a natural laxative such as fruit. :) Good luck

Jenifer - posted on 04/15/2011

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My 3 year old did not want to sit on the "big potty". It was constantly a fight. So, my mom suggested buying him "big boy" underwear with his favorite designs on them so he'd want to wear them. I did. I wrapped them up in wrapping paper and my husband and I made a big deal about giving him a gift each and such for being a "big boy". He was so fascinated by the underwear, he got Cars and Toy Story, that we started putting him in them and lost the diapers all together. After about a week of him wetting the bed and waking up in the middle of the night, he was potty trained. I had to do extra laundry, but he started going on his own.

Emma - posted on 04/14/2011

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heya babes i have a daughter who screams at the potty have you tried the toilet seat instead babes i have 2 other children as well 4 yr old 3 yrold there clean it took me 3 moths clean my 3 yr old but 5 months for 4 yr old xxx

Gail - posted on 04/13/2011

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well i guess i belong to the older generation as i used cloth nappies as i couldn;t afford anything else and all my girls were out of nappies at 14 months. Maybe the cloth nappies weren't as comfortable to be kept in but my girls all wanted tol take them of when they were wet and they loved to watch the poop go down the toilet. My second daughter used to copy her elder sister and hop onto the toilet herself from about 11 months. They drank out of cups early and bottles at night were gone as toilet regularity came in. I think the disposable nappy with its ability to keep wetness away from the skin could be a problem. but yes once you have decided put them in pants as nappies gives them the idea that they cam use them instead of the toilet. Children are very bright and iot shouldn't take that long. They will have the odd accident but they will surprise you. They know when they want to wee and poop you can tell by the look on there faces so off with the nappies and on with the pants

[deleted account]

Umm, I feel your dilemma because my kids gave me similar problems. In the end I googled for help and to
my surprise there was a PooLand Package that helped,
the Ultimate PooLand Package has a fabulous colouring in booklet, plus a toilet training package, Google Bedtime And Toilet Training if you are interested and The Ultimate PooLand Package. Sure saved the day for me.

Malea - posted on 04/13/2011

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I hate to tell you this, but my daughter was not really potty trained until close to 5. She is 5 1/2 now, and she still has accidents. When she does, we find her sitting in poop, she never tells us. I do not know why, I have tried being understanding and explained we just want to get her cleaned up ASAP when she has an accident. The accidents are becoming fewer and farther between--it is a process, eventually she will get there. It has been a long, frustrating road, but eventually your child will grow enough to figure it out. Her pediatrician said this is not uncommon, more children potty train late than you would realize. FYI, my daughter has already taught herself to read, can read at a second-grade level, plays the piano, and is wise beyond her years. This has nothing to do with intelligence. Good luck, and hang in there.

Malea - posted on 04/13/2011

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I hate to tell you this, but my daughter was not really potty trained until close to 5. She is 5 1/2 now, and she still has accidents. When she does, we find her sitting in poop, she never tells us. I do not know why, I have tried being understanding and explained we just want to get her cleaned up ASAP when she has an accident. The accidents are becoming fewer and farther between--it is a process, eventually she will get there. It has been a long, frustrating road, but eventually your child will grow enough to figure it out. Her pediatrician said this is not uncommon, more children potty train late than you would realize. FYI, my daughter has already taught herself to read, can read at a second-grade level, plays the piano, and is wise beyond her years. This has nothing to do with intelligence. Good luck, and hang in there.

Heather - posted on 04/13/2011

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Hi Jessica! First, take a deep breath and relax! All children learn to potty train at different ages. Both my daughters were about 2-2 1/2 when they were potty trained, but my son wa a different story. I also began worrying about him ,but when he was finally ready, he did it no problem! He was about 3 years old so your daughter is not behind!

Have you tried offering her incentives for going poop in the potty rather than her diaper? Maybe it will help if she knows she'll be rewarded for being a "big girl". Also, when potty training my first daughter, we let her run around diaper free and set her potty chair in the middle of the floor for her. Every now and then we'd sit her there to go (in front of tv) and it worked!!! But like I said, all children are different. You just have to play around with different techniques to see what she clicks with.

Good luck and remember to relax! :)

Katie - posted on 04/13/2011

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Every kid is different. I had similar issues with my daughter. She was ready & excited to start potty training around 20 months. She had good days & bad days. When I thought I was done with diapers & pull-ups she just stopped going to the big girl potty. I tried asking and she would yell no & not want to change out of her soiled pull-ups. I finally quit asking & the next thing I knew she was going to the potty on her own. She has completely moved to panties and even wears them at naptime and bedtime with no issues. I determined that with her, it had to be all her idea. She is very stubborn, hard headed, and independent. Just watch your daughter and take cues from her. If she likes charts and stickers then use them. Find books to read about going potty. My oldest enjoyed charts and stickers so that motivated her but didn't work for my little one. Time is on your side. She will eventually want to be like you and bigger kids. It may take until she's 3 but sounds like she knows what's going on but she is wanting to control the situation instead of you.

Belinda Penny - posted on 04/13/2011

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Try every 2hrs for pee. if its for poop its not difficult because most babies they do it just after eating so the moment you see that she is doing her thing thats when you take her to her potty. Make sure that you also sit on the toilet sit and show her how its done. When you are sucsessfull clap hands for her and show it to your husband or Grand Parents if they are there.And tell her Good Job Princess. and Kiss Her. Its easy to see the child taking her poop Compared to Pee.

Tiffany - posted on 04/12/2011

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I am struggling with this also. My daughter is 2-1/2 (32 months) and she loves to sit on the potty, but she won't go. Sometimes she sits there for an hour, sometimes less than a minute. I got really stressed out about it, but realized I couldn't push it because it will stress her out and me. Now, when I change her diaper, I ask her if she wants underpants or diaper. She chooses each about 50/50, but generally wants a diaper. She got really freaked out by the accidents she has had. She has also been holding it when we are out in public even though she has a diaper on, which is a bit of a problem because then we have to go home so she can pee in private. I think she's afraid of having an accident. I have a sticker chart and even a new doll sitting on the back of the toilet that she can have once she pees. I don't want to resort to giving candy. I'm hoping something will click for her soon. I plan to let her run around outside naked all summer and will bring the potty outside.

Alysha - posted on 04/12/2011

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My daughter was the same way, my older boys never had a problem but she is very strong willed. My sitter got a bag of jelly beans (i did skittles at home) and a bag of suckers and reminded her every hour if she teeteed in the potty she got 2 jelly beans and if she pooped in the potty she got a sucker. She was potty trained in one week. She just needed to want something bad enough to just do it. My friend tried this as well and her daughter was trained in less than a month. My daughter is 2 1/2 and still wears a pull up at night but will wake up and go just to get her skittles in the morning for not having an accident. Good Luck.

Amelia - posted on 04/12/2011

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i wouldn't even put her in a diaper summer is coming it a great opportunity for her to wear nothing but a dress and fancy panties all the time even take her out and buy them with her. This way she has two choices one poop or pee your fancy pantys or us the potty

Heidi - posted on 04/11/2011

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RELAX!!! They really all do it in their own time, and if you're feeling stressed over it, just imagine the stress she feels!

My son was exactly the same way, and we struggled for ages. He would argue with me that he hadn't gone, when clearly I could smell that he had!! I then said OK, underwear it is, and then he'd even go in them - ewww! I finally gave him the choice between a pull-up or underwear and he went back and forth between them for a couple of weeks ... and then poof! He was day trained... not till 3.5 granted and it was another whole year for nighttime training.

I was ready for 3 years with my daughter too- but she was ready sooner so she's been day-trained since she was two. Give them a little bit of control over this - it's a big deal!! Celebrate the successes (as in a potty dance, I don't think candies, etc are necessary) and don't worry about the oopsies. As soon as I basically gave up, it happened. With my DD, I wasn't expecting anything at all and it happened - then we went to panties and didn't look back! (even with oopsies!) I still slip a diaper under her panties at nap time "just in case" but 80% of the time she wakes up dry.

GOOD LUCK ... she will train, I promise! When? i have no idea, but I bet it'll be sooner than you think!

Heidi - posted on 04/11/2011

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RELAX!!! They really all do it in their own time, and if you're feeling stressed over it, just imagine the stress she feels!

My son was exactly the same way, and we struggled for ages. He would argue with me that he hadn't gone, when clearly I could smell that he had!! I then said OK, underwear it is, and then he'd even go in them - ewww! I finally gave him the choice between a pull-up or underwear and he went back and forth between them for a couple of weeks ... and then poof! He was day trained... not till 3.5 granted and it was another whole year for nighttime training.

I was ready for 3 years with my daughter too- but she was ready sooner so she's been day-trained since she was two. Give them a little bit of control over this - it's a big deal!! Celebrate the successes (as in a potty dance, I don't think candies, etc are necessary) and don't worry about the oopsies. As soon as I basically gave up, it happened. With my DD, I wasn't expecting anything at all and it happened - then we went to panties and didn't look back! (even with oopsies!) I still slip a diaper under her panties at nap time "just in case" but 80% of the time she wakes up dry.

GOOD LUCK ... she will train, I promise! When? i have no idea, but I bet it'll be sooner than you think!

Elizabeth - posted on 04/11/2011

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I can totally relate to this. Although, my daughter will bring us her diaper and wipes to change her. She started going on the potty at 18 months, but my pediatrician told me to wait until at least 2 yrs old. She will sit on the potty, we have a potty chair and a seat for the toilet. She will start to cry when she has to go, and will then hold it. She once held her poop for 3 days so I stopped potty training her because she was miserable and constipated. When I try to put her in underwear, she will tell me that she needs a diaper when she has to go. Ugh. I swear I give up on potty training every other week. We have books about it, stamps, stickers, charts, etc. I even sat in there with her for 2 hours!

Elizabeth - posted on 04/11/2011

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I can totally relate to this. Although, my daughter will bring us her diaper and wipes to change her. She started going on the potty at 18 months, but my pediatrician told me to wait until at least 2 yrs old. She will sit on the potty, we have a potty chair and a seat for the toilet. She will start to cry when she has to go, and will then hold it. She once held her poop for 3 days so I stopped potty training her because she was miserable and constipated. When I try to put her in underwear, she will tell me that she needs a diaper when she has to go. Ugh. I swear I give up on potty training every other week. We have books about it, stamps, stickers, charts, etc. I even sat in there with her for 2 hours!

Julie - posted on 04/11/2011

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I too have struggle MAJORLY with potty training all 3 of my kids. We started with my daughter when she was around 2 1/2 and I remember it took a good year. Then she had the opposite problem, she would hold it all day. She is now just over 6 y.o. and STILL uses a pull-up to poop in most of the time. I have asked several pediatricians in the office we go to and they all say "It's a power thing, she'll do it when she's ready. If you push the issue you will set her back 6 months." I too would try to make her at least try to sit on the potty and go, but she would just be a crying, hysterical mess and wouldn't go. If I didn't give her a pull-up she would hold it all day, until she got her night diaper & then go. Then she would be miserable and be constipated for the next 2-3 days. She is just now starting to go poop on the potty sometimes. I try to praise her and get's to pick from the goodie box when she goes. Potty training needs to be positive, not negative. I don't like when my own mother will say negative things to them about it. My ped. said that if they are hiding when they go, then it's a pyschological thing, and they aren't ready.
I also have identical twin boys that are just over 4 and we have been trying to potty train them for almost a year too. We have tried the 3 day thing, a few times, but they would just go in their underwear and not even tell us they were wet. One of them just went pee and poop on the little potty a couple of weeks ago and has been in underwear ever since without any accidents. The other one is kind of hit and miss......sometimes he will go in the potty, but he will still go both poop & pee in his underwear and not tell me & just sit in it. Sometimes my 6 y.o. will sit in her poopy pull-up too & I have to struggle with her to change her even though she knows that it irritates her skin to sit in it. It's getting easier as she's getting older and I think she is really motivated now that her brothers are going on the potty. They kept saying that my kids would start doing it when they started school, but the boys have been in preschool for over 6 months now and my daughter would not even go at all day kindergarten for several months either.....I would have to head straight home every day after school and she would run in and go potty right away.
Every child is different and I think the real potty training age is later than people think. Of course I know kids that aren't even 2 and are potty trained (usually a second child that see's the older one going, especially if they are the same gender.) Not all of us can be that lucky. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone and that I know it's hard to be patient. I saw another post, and I agree with them......it's on the child's scedule, not ours unfortunately. Good luck!

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