Really need help - terrible twos

Sharyn - posted on 12/17/2010 ( 12 moms have responded )

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i'm at the end of my tether .... for the past week my daughter now 2 constantly disobeys me (occasionally its ok but all the time?) ... if she doesnt get what she wants, she throws a tantrum, or screams loudly, or throws things about.... i usually give her one smack and send her to her room (she never obeys) so i end up taking her to her room for a 10 minute time out .... but i'm at the end of my tether, i am stressed to the max, i dont know what to do. We go out for walks, play games, etc ...

She is also a very picky eater ...

I am trying to fall pregnant again (had a miscarriage earlier this year) and the stress is killing me. Next year i am going to put her into pre school if i can, since i have to go to work... but is there anyone who can give me advice ? i desperately need it ....

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Christy - posted on 12/19/2010

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I think putting her in her room is a problem, that's a safe haven for her and I don't think she's getting anything out of it. Also 10 minutes is too long. Can you put her somewhere else for a TO and for less time (like a stair or couch where it's boring) and maybe 2 or 3 minutes? IF she keeps getting up, put her back. If you have to hold her there, do it. But be consistent.

She is testing you big time. She doesn't have the skills to tell you what's wrong or what happened, or how she feels so she throws a fit. Teaching my son some basic ASL (American Sign language) helped me out a lot. He was able to sign the word "help" which helped him and I out bunches.

Also getting her around other kids her age may help, like a playgroup if you aren't doing that already.

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Christina - posted on 12/22/2010

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Ok why is it called terrible twos when it last for a couple more years after two???

[deleted account]

I would suggest stop doing what you are doing and relax. Then take a HUGE mental step back and do the following.....
when she is bad and needs correction send her to time out for 2 minutes. It isn't that long for you but it is to her. Tell her why she is where she is and walk away. When her 2 minutes are up ask why she went to the corner and have her apologize, hug and kiss. If she can't tell you why then explain it to her and have her tell you why she went to the corner after you are done telling her. Explain to her that isn't a good behavior and if, for whatever reason, you really think it needs a smack or swat, you will still need to follow it up with a time out as discribed above.

Dora - posted on 12/21/2010

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I definitely recommend giving her choices because she is trying to test her limits and at the same time become independent. If there are 2 items you know she likes and you want her to have, show her both and tell her she can pick one. You can do this with her clothes, foods, toys, etc... She will get that feeling of independence even though indirectly you are making he choices for her. That should help with some of your battles. I also notice with our son when he turned 2 opposites worked great. if we wanted him to do something we knew he would fight us on we would tell him to do the opposite. It sounds crazy but it worked for us. One more suggestion would be redirecting her from something you don't want her to do to something she is allowed to do. For example if she is throwing a fit, give her something you know she will enjoy. This will teach her what is acceptable and what is not. While you are doing this make sure you explain it to her. Good luck.

Morrisa - posted on 12/20/2010

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In my opinion 10 minutes is way too long of a time out for a two year old. The rule of thumb is one minute per year of life. As for the tantrums, my little guy has one every once in a while. I just ignore him (obviously make sure he isn't going to get hurt) and he gets over it eventually. I also have a picky eater but we don't battle him about food per the doctors recommendations. The doctor told us that we should never make a big deal out of what he wont eat. He will grow out of it.

Amy - posted on 12/20/2010

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I understand a parent's need to explain. But some things a 2 year old can't understand. I just say a no and that's IT. I never let my kids be picky eaters. Supper was supper and if they were hungry, they'd eventually eat it. I'm not a bad cook, so there's no excuse. I did read John Rosemond's book .I LOVED it. cut our tantrums to almost nothing. I'd try and for sure straighten it out before preschool or you'll have the stress at home, plus the stress of bad news from preschool if she keeps up. 2 year olds will test. be consistent in that what's not okay is never okay and what is good is always good. No...well, today we can do this. My son is 20 months old and when he gets mad he used to fall to the floor and hit his head. We just walked around him and went about life and pretty soon he stopped because no one was paying attention. Keep on her, and it'll pass.

Lama - posted on 12/20/2010

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try to (explain to her the reason of not giving her what she want) in a very nice way and let the conversation take several min untill she get used to it..after couple of days i think if u said no to her she will emmediately listen to u.and give her an oral warning ( u'll take her to naughty corner or time out what ever u call it) if she obeys u
that what im using with my 2 yrs old boy and iits working :)

Jessica - posted on 12/20/2010

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Sounds like your handleing everything ok. My daughter does the same thing, It's usually worse when she iis tired or hungry. You do have to be consistant. Also first try to find out what she wants and why she is not listening to what you are telling her. explain to her why she can not do what she is wanting to do. And when she does it anyway explain to her that if she would have listened to you she wouldn't have gotton hurt or whatever.

[deleted account]

1. check with your pediaticrian - many health plans have free or low cost parenting classes.

2. Really great discipline strategies that I LOVE is those by Love and Logic. They have some free resources on their website, and stuff you can buy (books ro CDs). - but your local library probably has the stuff too! www.love andlogic.com

3. Take a deep breath! This too shall pass! it is just a phase.

Sharyn - posted on 12/19/2010

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thankyou both for your advice ...
I"ve since changed her time out to a corner, and she gets upset but i tell her that what she did wrong is not a good thing and has to stay there for 5 mins ...
Playgroup - we dont have one, im waiting to renew my drivers license (immigration and dmv stuff - i'm not american) so we dont get out as much as i'd like because im afraid of being pulled over and possibly arrested ...
its something we're working on ... so we do take her to the playground to play with other kids as much as we can otherwise ..... i've also since remained calm and not scolded her loudly but in a normal voice .... i do hope these changes will help her understand what she does is wrong ...

Ericka - posted on 12/18/2010

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well try to make sure she isnt getting away with disobeying at all, you need to be consistent with discipline so she doesnt get confused. that includes dad make sure you are both in agreement of punishment and what is ok and what is not. i am not against pre school but if she isnt behaving at home their is no guarantee she will behave there and can be denied from the program if she doesnt behave just an fyi. eating is tough but if you dont make them something "special" until they try what you give them they will eat it, it sounds tough but if they make the decisions now sometimes it can cause problems later in life. stay strong it is tough and she is testing the waters persay as to how far she can go. one thing that works for me is instead of sending my daughter to her room is making her stand in a corner. sounds basic but that way she cannot get distracted by her toys or think of what she will play with when she is done. and set a timer so she knows when she is done, but make sure she waits for you to turn the timer off and explain to her what her bad behavior was. hope this helps :) good luck and try to not let your stress take over, your daughter may sense it

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