separation anxiety

Shannon - posted on 04/23/2010 ( 2 moms have responded )




My 19 mon. old is going through a very hard time with me going full time back to work. I work evenings so he is home with his dad/my husband at night which goes fine, but every so often our scheduals over lap and my mother-in-law picks him up to watch him for a bit. It seems that he has recently discovered that "when Nana comes that means my mommy is going away and I don't like it!" So he has been hitting her and not letting anyone come near him other then me when this happens. I am at a loss of what to do and how to get him through this difficult time.

As well I had the other night off and tried to put him down to sleep and he screamed foe an hour, which is very rare for him, he is generally a very good sleeper, it just seemed that he did not want to let go of me, after me fianllt surrendering and letting my husband go in to calm him, he went down no problem.... this is breaking my heart, but does it mean I just have to let mu husband do it from now on??


[deleted account]

I wish there was a magic fix for this, but really all you can do is tough it out. It will be rough for a good couple of weeks as he adjusts.

When he starts to get upset when Nana gets there get down at his level, hug him and tell him that you know he's upset that Mommy has to go to work, but he always has fun with Nana. That you both love him very much.

Remain calm. Try very hard not to show that his behaviour is upsetting you and prepare yourself to leave whether he is calm or crying. Give an extra hug and a kiss as you head out the door.

When he tries to hit Nana, take his hand and hold it to him and tell him "We don't hit when we are angry. I know you are upset that Mommy is going to work, but we don't hit Nana. We use gentle hands/hugging hands"

Recognize and verbalize for him that he is upset that you are leaving for work. It won't stop the behaviour, but it will help lessen it to some extent.

Yes him screaming at you before bed is a normal toddler reaction to change. They can't tell us in words that they are upset or angry with us so they do it in the ways they know how. They hit/kick/bite/yell/scream etc.

Continue to try and put him down to sleep. If he throws a huge fit, don't take it personally again go back to the "I know you are upset with Mommy because she's been going to work. Mommy misses you too. And loves you sooo much." Give him a hug and a kiss and then let Daddy take over.

It could last a awhile, it could stop tomorrow. Toddlers can be stubborn.

It's hard. Especially when we already feel guilty for having to go back to work and not spend every waking moment with our children.

As my Mom keeps saying to me when things get rough with my son "This too shall pass"

Good luck!


View replies by

Shannon - posted on 04/23/2010




THank you so much Nicole for taking the time to respond. This is basically what I have been trying to do, but you have given me some extra things to try. My heart hurts so bad for him right now, and sometimes it's hard to see past my own feelings to understand what he must be going trough. Thank you again!

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms