Son away from mom... Is this a good idea?

Krystin - posted on 05/08/2011 ( 1 mom has responded )

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I have a very complicated situation. I have a son named Spencer with my boyfriend Anthony. He also has two daughters from a previous marriage. His mom completely despises the thought of him children outside of his first marriage. The whole time I was pregnant she was constantly trying to cause problems and trying to get him to go back to his ex behind my back. Well Anthony moved across the country for a job back in March. He will be gone for at least two years. I told him that I would take my son Spencer over there for part of the summer to see him. Spencer’s first birthday is May 28th and so I invited the grandparents to the party. Well Anthony’s mom decided last minute that she is going to take his two oldest daughters over to see him on May 27th. Conveniently, this is just a day before my sons first birthday. So just to be nice I changed the party to the 21st so they could make it and of course they have other plans that weekend. Here I change my plans to accommodate others yet they make no effort to see their grandson. To make matters worse… Anthony wants his mom to take Spencer with her to see him. I think this is a terrible idea. My son does not know these strangers and they have not made an effort to be in his life. I feel like I am neglecting my son to send him across the country on a plane with strangers that he has only seen a couple of times his whole life. To make matters even worse they are staying over there for like a month. Couldn’t this be traumatizing to my son to be away from me? I want my son to be close to his father and his father’s family, but I do not trust this lady. Anthony acts like he should have a say in whether or not he comes down and for how long. He acts like if Spencer doesn’t come then it will be damaging to their relationship. How do I turn this down and explain to him that this is a very bad idea without upsetting him?

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Louise - posted on 05/09/2011

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Just tell them as it is. They do not have anything to do with your 1 year old and at 1 he is to young to be taken from his mother and handed to strangers because that is what they are. Write your ex a note saying exactly that any human being can see that this will be traumatic to the child. Tell him you welcome a relationship with your son but at this stage he is to young to travel with out you and you will stick to your agreement and take him in the summer. There is nothing wrong with this at all and if his mum has a fit then she is being silly because this is a no brainer!

Christina - posted on 05/09/2011

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Hi Krystin
Thats a hard one.

I would be totally honest with him and tell him how you feel then if he doesn't agree thats upto him but at least you would have done what you can by telling him the truth.

Maybe you can suggest (if possible) that you go with his parents when they go and stay so that you\re not leaving Spencer with people you're not comfortable with and that he doesn't know very well. I think that a month is a long time for him to be away you as you're the one that looks after him all day everyday and I personally would not do it. If he was older then i mgith consider it but that would be a big might and i would take him to where he would be and collect him rather than leave him with people he doesn't know very well or who i'm not comfortable with.

As for Anthony's parents being difficult and messing you around bout Spencers birthday. I would say to them 'this is the date, i would lke you to come and celebrate your grandsons birthday with us but upto you as at the end of the day you're the ones that are missing out on time with your grandchild but just so we are clear if you can't even be there for his first birthday and spend time with him on his special day do not expect me to let you take him across the country for a month.

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