Tantrum help

Sheri - posted on 06/29/2009 ( 4 moms have responded )

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My daughter just turned one. for a while she has been throwing absolute crazy fits. She is VERY smart and is trying really hard to do things that are not her age, like puzzles and shape sorting toys. She knows how to do them but cant get it to fit so she starts screaming and kicking and throwing the toys. She is very impatient and gets upset if she gives you a toy and you dont do what she wants you too. How can i help her relax and learn to try when she cant understand what im saying and i dont know what shes trying to convey either?

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[deleted account]

My five year old daughter will tend to do the same thing. Well she used to be quite dramatic with her fits..however what I found to help is for instance a puzzle is frustrating her..if it is too hard, find easier puzzles to make available, more her age suitable. This helped her to realize I feel she had to slow down and learn the easy stuff first its as if they tend to skip the easy tasks and wanna be just like us. So when the fits began..I would quietly try to help, if my help was denied, sit back and watch for another minute, try to offer help again, still not wanted, then remove the problem..in this case the puzzle..and offer another toy, if the fit continues...talk to her and allow her to cry..the most important thing is your child wants to be heard and to hear you. I would hold my daughter gently and firm until the crying stopped..not getting frustrated as hard as it was sometimes..instead showing no feeling except being there. I wouldn't look into her eyes i wouldn't talk to her when it got to this point..she was just too frustrated..so pretty much a bear hug I guess u would call it. A gentle firm bear hug until the fit stops and slows right down. This way your "frustrating" toy is now out of the picture because you have completly removed it from the environment before you settled the temper tantrum and now you can focus on another toy or something else once the fit stops. Sometimes my daughter would fit for almost a half hour in my arms..but she would only struggle a few mins and more just lay there and yell and cry i found without any struggle and not much holding after a couple fits it was more a hug for both of us and she would just hug me instead of fighting me with fits. It was a hug and she knew i was going to listen to her frustration. Heck as adults someone listening to our frustrations is how we deal with things too. I don't know just thought suggestions may help. Every situation is different.



Best of Luck

Sheri - posted on 07/01/2009

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i really try to be patient and calm with her but she really wants to do things on her own. I have tried a little bit of sign language but she gets really upset if you touch her hands. thats so weird but thats how she is. I notice too that its usually right before nap time that shes the worst but it seems lately shes always tired. im just chalking up to teething and hoping itll pass. im just really praying she starts to be able to talk soon lol i think it will really make things easier
thanks for all your support guys :D

Steph - posted on 06/30/2009

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Hey its Steph, My son Liam I cant take him anywhere without his stroller because he fights with me when i want to hold him instead of letting him walk. He wont even let me hold his hand he will just lay on the ground and start freaking out he wants to be independant but i dont mind that Its juss i feel like a pushover when he doesnt listen to me.

Sara - posted on 06/29/2009

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Hi Sheri! When my son Alex used to do this (and sometimes still does!) I would try to help him as gently as I could, if he would accept my help. Sometimes he would just want to do it all on his own, and not let me help out at all! In that case, I just let him get frustrated and angry and let him try to deal with it on his own. Having said that, I was there to help him if he wanted me, and I didn't allow any throwing of toys or anything else that wasn't appropriate. But in some ways I think that kids - like us - sometimes just want to figure out things on their own without other people's help, especially their parent's! So I would just try to stand back and let my son do that, and if he needed me, i was there.



Having said all of that, his frustration levels usually reached a peak right before it was time for his nap, so if he wasn't able to calm himself down within a couple of minutes, then that told me that it was definitely his nap time.



Good luck, I hope this helps :)



Sara

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