Temper Tantrums!!

[deleted account] ( 13 moms have responded )

My 2 year old is very hot tempered. He throws the most awful fits anywhere he sees fit. if everything don't go exactly how he wants it to. I have spanked him, used time out and everything I can think of. He also says shut up out of context after the first time he used it and I told him not to. He only does it because he knows he isn't supposed to. If he sees his older brother (4) get in trouble for something he does it too knowing he will get in trouble.

I really am trying, I don't just LET him act this way. What in the world am I supposed to do?

My step daughter has ADHD and it runs in the family on his dads side. Could that be it and if so, what can i do about it now. He is getting out of control and VERY hyper. PLEASE HELP!

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April - posted on 01/02/2010

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My son is also (almost) 2 and suddenly, overnight went from easy going, compliant child to a terror. When he throws a tantrum I tell him, "you need to stop crying or you have to go to your room" then if he doesn't stop, follow through. He usually stops right away, but if I do have to take him to his room I leave him there alone and tell him he can come out when he stops crying and he stops very soon after (it's no fun throwing a fit with no one around to give in to you). This works for us, hope it will work for you.

Tina - posted on 01/02/2010

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Hi Brandi-

I worked for years as a Nanny with a then 5 year old boy who was still flinging Yoghurt at his Mom at 8 if she did not comply. Now being a mother myself I have to say that the best way to nip tantrums is setting expectations. My daughter is "only" 16 months old- but kids know more than we give them credit for. She went through a phase of being nasty at the grocery store...so I told her the next time we went that if she was not going to behave I or her Dad would bring her back to the car and she could sit in her carseat- we had to do this once...

My point being...let the little one know what you expect of him and give him "fair" warnings- such as: You'll have to put your toys away/ say goodbye/ leave the playground/ go to Bed in 5 minutes. - Same applies to the older one. This will make your life so much easier. And never underestimate the power of "I understand you are upset right now because of:....- Let Mommy know when you are ready to play nice again. -Walk away...sounds cruel but this is the fasted way for him to realize that his Tantrums are not getting him anywhere! I saw this video years ago and it helped shape my understanding of those little lovable monsters...And it still cracks me up!

KeAiria - posted on 01/02/2010

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i would have to agree with the other moms, i make my son sit on a towel behind the couch, if he gets off i put him back on it... i give him the choice when he starts his fit to go to the towel or i will put him on it... letting him have the choice will help after he gets the point of the towel after a couple of weeks my son would go by himself

Michelle - posted on 01/02/2010

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hi hunni, my son isnt even 2 yet and he has some right tantrums!! i found that ignorance works wonders!! i dont mean ignore the behavior or tantrum as in pretend hes not doing it, i mean, when my son has a tantrum, i tell him to stop,calm down ect, and if he ignores you, then what i do is put him in his pushchair or highchair, wherever hes safe and cant escape from, and turn him away from you, so he cant see you, but you can see him and keep an eye on him, dont talk to him or anything, because its showing him that no matter how much he screams hes not getting any attention from you, it took my son about 2 month to realise this and has calmed down alot and hardly ever has a tantrum now!

i know it must be realy hard for you from what you have said, and if ADHD runs in the family it could be that, the best thing for that would be to talk to your step daughters mum, and your partner about going and getting your son tested for ADHD to rule it out



best of luck and lots of love hunni xxxxx

13 Comments

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Kylee - posted on 01/04/2010

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Quoting Tina:

With my daughter I've taken the "Let me know when you're done" approach...Sometimes just asking if she is planning on producing tears for her "Presentation" stops her dead in her tracks. Good Luck- with a bit of humor (Yes I have thrown a tantrum next to her before to make her understand how silly it is) they will go away before you know it!


I do the same thing. Jaz usually laughs at me. 

Kelly - posted on 01/04/2010

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Temper tantrums are so hard...I agree with the other moms (explaining what you expect, timeout and leave) approach. But also, maybe he is having a hard time expressing what he needs/wants and his line of communication is just to go into freakout mode. That's what my daughter does, so we have been trying to help her get her words. For an example: she needs water in her sippy...she starts whinning and crying for water, instead of reprimanding I just say really nicely (as if she is talking) "Mommy can I please have some water in my sippy" and then she just attomatically repeats. We have been practicing this and is helping. Obviously sometimes they can't have what they want but you want to teach them the polite way to ask. If it goes into freakout mode....I say, "I understand that you really want some candy right now and you did a good job asking but that is not a choice...here is something that you can have/do..." I think we all strive for control so we want to empower our children to ask for what they need appropriately and help them make good choices. Much love~

Christine - posted on 01/03/2010

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My two year old can throw some great ones. He will get a time out (for hitting or spitting) and some days he walks right over and sits down. He usually wants to hold the timer to see it (it helps him know when it is done) and then he has to say sorry and give a hug to whomever he has hurt. There are other days that his 2 minute time out can take 30 or 45 minutes. He is screaming and running all over. There are some days that he is so hysterical that we will need to physically hold him (we give him a hug). It is almost like we have to take the control back from him so that he can calm himself down. My older son (now 4) we would have to take him to the rocker to get him to calm down. After we got him calm (both of them actually) they still have to go and finish their time out. It is almost like they lose control and they need you to help them get through it.

Rebecca - posted on 01/03/2010

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Keep in mind, that at 2, the only way your son has to express his feelings about something is to pitch a fit. That's not to say that it's acceptable behavior, but that what is lacking is an alternative way to express himself. He is entitled to his emotions, and shouldn't necessarily be punished for throwing a fit, unless he's distructive when doing it. Ignore the behavior as long as he's safe and not distructive. When he's done try to help him lable his feelings with words. I.E. "I know you were frustrated because you wanted the toy, but it was Johnny's turn..." As long as his temp tantrum don't get him what he wants, he'll be willing to learn better ways to express himself.

Tina - posted on 01/03/2010

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Oh - and be sure to wail real loud and flop around the floor the same way he does...Takes the wind right out of their sails...hihi

Tina - posted on 01/03/2010

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With my daughter I've taken the "Let me know when you're done" approach...Sometimes just asking if she is planning on producing tears for her "Presentation" stops her dead in her tracks. Good Luck- with a bit of humor (Yes I have thrown a tantrum next to her before to make her understand how silly it is) they will go away before you know it!

[deleted account]

Quoting Tina:

Hi Brandi-
I worked for years as a Nanny with a then 5 year old boy who was still flinging Yoghurt at his Mom at 8 if she did not comply. Now being a mother myself I have to say that the best way to nip tantrums is setting expectations. My daughter is "only" 16 months old- but kids know more than we give them credit for. She went through a phase of being nasty at the grocery store...so I told her the next time we went that if she was not going to behave I or her Dad would bring her back to the car and she could sit in her carseat- we had to do this once...
My point being...let the little one know what you expect of him and give him "fair" warnings- such as: You'll have to put your toys away/ say goodbye/ leave the playground/ go to Bed in 5 minutes. - Same applies to the older one. This will make your life so much easier. And never underestimate the power of "I understand you are upset right now because of:....- Let Mommy know when you are ready to play nice again. -Walk away...sounds cruel but this is the fasted way for him to realize that his Tantrums are not getting him anywhere! I saw this video years ago and it helped shape my understanding of those little lovable monsters...And it still cracks me up!


Thats too funny. Walker (my 2 year old) don't care if you are watching him or not, he throws his tantrum. He is more easily distracted and quits faster if I put him in his room or just walk away from him and leave him alone, but he just goes on and on.....



He is fixing to go to daycare where I am starting to work. I am worried he will be mean to the other kids. He can be the sweetest little boy and tells me im the best mom ever then the next minute he is a holy terror. Thanks for sending me that. At least I am not alone lol

Kevlyn - posted on 01/02/2010

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Quoting Tina:

Hi Brandi-
I worked for years as a Nanny with a then 5 year old boy who was still flinging Yoghurt at his Mom at 8 if she did not comply. Now being a mother myself I have to say that the best way to nip tantrums is setting expectations. My daughter is "only" 16 months old- but kids know more than we give them credit for. She went through a phase of being nasty at the grocery store...so I told her the next time we went that if she was not going to behave I or her Dad would bring her back to the car and she could sit in her carseat- we had to do this once...
My point being...let the little one know what you expect of him and give him "fair" warnigns- such as: You'll have to put your toys away/ say goodbye/ leave the playground/ go to Bed in 5 minutes. - Same applies to the older one. This will make your life so much easier. And never underestimate the power of "I understand you are upset right now because of:....- Let Mommy know when you are ready to play nice again. -Walk away...sounds cruel but this is the fasted way for him to realize that his Tantrums are not getting him anywhere! I saw this video years ago and it helped shape my understanding of those little lovable monsters...And it still cracks me up!



That video is so funny! It looks just like my two kids...if my one year old dont see you looking at her she will be quiet but the minute u look at her she starts again! LOL

Amanda - posted on 01/02/2010

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He is fine...he is being a 2 year old boy...dont go assuming he has ADHD already dont put that label on him this early in life....just keep being consistent with how you are raising him ...Right now he is at the copy and mock stage and seeing how far he can push the limits ....Just continue reminding him of what ebhavior is and isnt acceptable ... he will learn...when my 18 month old throws tantrums i walk away and ignore his tantrum until he stopped and then i will talk to him or hold him...You just have to start now letting them know what you will and will not let them by with....Good Luck and Best Wishes!

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