Trouble leaving his Dad at weekends

Kym - posted on 05/18/2010 ( 3 moms have responded )

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Hi.
My son is 3 and me and his dad have been seperated for just under 8months now. I understand it was going to be hard for him not having his dad around everyday and was ready for this. He goes and stays with his dad every weekend from Friday (if he turns up to collect him) until Sunday evening. When he comes back on a Sunday as soon as he see's me he starts screaming and saying things "I don't love you, I don't like you I want to stay with my daddy. Go away and leave me alone" I don't get angry with him and just explain to him that he can go back to daddy's on Friday. Usually he is fine when we get indoors and I can distract him with some toys or making a cake, but while we are outside he's terrible. I've had a few comments off neighbours because of this and I just don't know what to do to try and put an end to this. Anyone been in the same position or any tips on how to help would be much appreciated Thanks
Kym & Alfie xx

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Louise - posted on 05/19/2010

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I really feel for ya! You are the one feeling crap whilst your ex drives off into the sunset for another week. This needs to be a dual approach with both you and the ex. Sit together with your youngster and tell him straight that this is making mummy unhappy. As for the tears from dad that has got to stop. This is sending messages to your son that him staying with you is upsetting his daddy. No way not fair. Tell the dad that this is what really is triggering the problem and if he cant control his emotions then it is better that he stays away until he can. You have a fragile sole to think about who is being dumped on by his fathers over bearing emotions.

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With it being so recent. All you can do is continue to do what you are doing. Do your best to remain as calm as you can and once inside and he is calm talk to him about how much you and his Dad love him. That you understand that it isn't easy only getting to see Daddy every so often. He needs you guys to give him the words to help explain how he is feeling, why he is feeling it so that he can start to cope and process it better.
He is just reacting to the major changes of the separation. It will get better, unfortunately it takes time and with kids, it can take longer for some and shorter for others.

Good luck!

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Kym - posted on 05/19/2010

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Hi Nicole thanks for your reply. I thought that was the case and I know its hard for him, my dad left me and my mum when I was 6 telling me he never wanted me and I was the biggest mistake of his life. It was hard then so I know its harder on him because he doesn't understand. We tend to talk for ages about how much Mummy and Daddy love him and he seems fine with this it's just the initial separation. I'm not sure if his Dad is saying nasty things to him to try and turn him away because he's always saying Daddy say you have taken me away so I don't love you. Now I know you have to take what a 3 year old says with a pinch of salt because I know they can tell fibs, which is why I don't let it get to me and I will never bad mouth his Dad in front of him because at least his Dad wants an active role in his life. What makes it worse I feel is that when he is leaving his Dad puts on the water works which obviously distresses him more. I try not to show my unhappy emotions in front of him because I know kids pick up on them really easy and I don't want my little on to feel bad so I make sure I'm happy just for him.
I'll keep going with what I'm doing and hopefully it will improve with time.
Thank you for you kind words xxxx

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