what do you think

Carrol - posted on 05/23/2010 ( 9 moms have responded )

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Is wondering if you are a single lady with no kids and you marry a man with 1 child, does the new step mom have the right to discipline, and tell them what to do, even though her husbands kid's mom is still very much involved in the kids life? Does the step mom get the right to celebrate mothers day even if she doesn't have kids of her own, even if she is not a mom? What do you think?

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Kayla - posted on 05/28/2010

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i dont think you can get away from that one kids are always going to think that i was adopted from birth so i guess its a little different but at the same time i still had that feeling
i guess the only way to get past issues like that one would be to leave permission slips to the father or the bio mom or just sit down and talk with the child and try to make them understand that no one is ever going to take the place of your bio mom but you (step mom) are just trying to do what you believe is right and help out

:) lol hope it helped

Carrol - posted on 05/27/2010

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Ok ladies I see your points. I have another question on this topic. How do you prevent the child from feeling as though the step-mom is trying to take the place of his bio mom? I have heard on I think Dr. Phill one time where a lady was offended because the step-mom was signing her child's permission slip at school. How would you go about avoiding conflicts such as these with the child's bio mom? I am not a step-mom so I am trying to understand what it's like to be a step-mom.

Kayla - posted on 05/25/2010

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personaly if the stepmom and father are the main caregivers then yes you can disicipline BUT with mothers concent and fathers aswel.
as far as mothers day no. only if the child feels its right mothers day is for mothers but if the child feel right about celebrating mothers day with the step mom why not

Nancy - posted on 05/25/2010

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It all depends, if she does everything a mother does when the child comes to stay why shouldnt she then behave like a mother? I am a step mother too and I met my step son when he was a about 2 yrs, he is now 8 yrs. I changed his diaper, I cooked, fed him, nursed him when he was sick, the pucking and all I was there. Took him to schook, did home work with him, took him to his swimming and skating lessons and everything. There were times he stayed more with me than his mother. I ofcourse disciplined him when he needed and since he is a child who needs direction I told him what to do. Right now he doesnt want me to tell him what to do but I will sit him down and ask him' what is wrong with me telling you to get out of bed past 9 am and go brush teeth and take shower'. If he doesnt like what I say I ask him to tell me why. I dont know about celebrating mothers day though but if the child treat her as mom, I dont see why not. So it all depends on the kind of relationship she has with the child...

Louise - posted on 05/24/2010

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I think that if you have married a man that has kids and is an active father then you take on his kids as well. If the child is in your house then you should treat him as your own, if that means disciplin then so be it. As for mothers day I would not push that just yet. The mum is still in the picture and will always be his mum, but in time it would be nice if he thought of you as his mum as well and included you in mothers day and in time even called you mum. You earn this respect and if you are a good step mum why should you be treated any differently than his birth mum.

Ashley - posted on 05/23/2010

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Im not sure whats right as every situation is different but u cant control what is happening in the other house so unfortunately there isint anyway to change the situation but as the bio mother if your kids see u upset its going to make it realy hard for them as they will feel being nice to her makes u upset which isint good for them. Its really hard to be put into the situations that menny of us are with are kids being sent back and forth new partners that we did not chose being put into are kids life as far as im concerned it sucks. but we have to make the best of a bad situation and as long as the step mom is nice to the kids and feels part of there life i dont think she celabrating mothers day to hurt the bio mom it may not of even been her idea.

Carrol - posted on 05/23/2010

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True that may be right. But isn't it kind of like slapping the biological mother of the child in the face when the step mom celebrates mothers day?

Ashley - posted on 05/23/2010

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Yes because tecnacly she is the step mom when she has the child but she should be discipling the child the same way the parents have agreed to discipline. And i think that even though the mother is still verry involved it wouldn't hurt to celebrate mothers day as long as there real mom isint excluded. I hope this helps

Candice - posted on 05/23/2010

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well, if there are two houses, there will always be two sets of rules. so yes, the step-mom should be able to reinforce the rules at dad's house. As for mother's day, i think the "mother" role is earned, not just given, to a stepmom. if she loves them like her own child, and treats them well, then why not be able to celebrate as a second mom.

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