what to do about selfishness

Morgan - posted on 04/22/2010 ( 3 moms have responded )

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my daughter has been going through a phase where she wont share anything and when another child touches her things she screams and crys any advice on what to do to stop this

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Louise - posted on 04/23/2010

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Sharing is a learnt thing. Try using the word share a lot in day to day conversation. OPen a packet of crisps and say "we are sharing isn't that nice to share." "would you like to share with me" Then ask to share her food and overly praise her if she allows you to share. When she understands the phrase share then you can move that on to toys. Tell her that so an so is coming over to play and share her toys and wouldn't it be nice to share so and so's toys as well. Before the child gets there ask the mum t bring some toys over to share and then reconfirm to your daughter that she is to share nicely. If she bursts into a scream just say sorry so and so my daughter does not want to share today! Overly praise the other child if they allow your daughter to share their toys. I know this is long winded but it will stop the outburst eventually as she will realise that sharing gets her positive attention. Good luck!

[deleted account]

Try practicing sharing with you, her and Daddy first. Get some items of hers and practice asking and passing them back and forth.
Then start trying this with a child who is a close friend or cousin or sibling.
Sharing is hard. Also reinforce that she will get the item back. Sometimes they don't understand that the toy will come back to them.

Another idea would be to start having her wait a certain amount of time before the item is returned to her (try and encourage the other child/person to ask for the toy to be given to them in the first place). Start with something as low as ten seconds and increase after a few repetitions.
Again this makes her realize that the toy or item will be returned to her.

It's a tough phase.

Good luck!

[deleted account]

Start using the phrase "Not nice, or That's not nice" use it as often as possible especailly if she can observe others not being nice. Or even better if they aren't being nice to her, then you can sit down and agree with her and have a talk about it that it wasn't very nice of them to do that. And also you can tell her "we don't do that, or we don't act like that" and then tell her what she needs to do instead. If she protests past your tollerance then remove her from the situation until she is calm and then she can come back. Afterwards you can remind her by saying "be nice". You can talk about sharing but 2 yr olds have a hard time comprihending that concept most of the time.

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