when should i tell my daughter bout her real dad!

Ashley - posted on 06/05/2010 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I have a 2 year old daughter and the only dad she knows is the guy i was with for a year in a hafe. me and him are no longer together but he is going to be adopting her. when should i tell her about her real dad. i want her to understand that her real dad does care about her but thinks its best that my ex be her dad cause he was the only one there when she was born.

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Louise - posted on 06/15/2010

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I am confused why are you letting this man adopt your daughter when she is only 2 and you are no longer together? That would give him a claim over your daughter! At two she will ask where he has gone but will not call him daddy if he disappears and will soon forget about him. She will not actually realise that she has no daddy until she goes to playgroup or nursery. When she asks where is my daddy tell her te truth and introduce him if he wants to be involved in his daughters life. He must understand that if he wants the role as daddy he has to be in her life regularly and not just pop in and out. I think it is a monitary cop out that he wants another man to adopt his daughter. This man must be off his rocker to adopt a child that is not his and he has no involvement with the mother. He will be liable for child maintanance. Let this man go and bring your daughter up on your own. If you need financial help go after the dad it is after all his responsibility whether he likes it or not!

Christina - posted on 06/14/2010

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I would tell her soon, so you won't have to clear up any confusion and hurt later on. My husband is a lawyer, and does a lot of adoptions. His advice would be to tell you NOT to let your ex adopt your daughter. If he does, he will have as many legal rights to her as you do. There is absolutely no legal difference between a natural father and an adoptive father. If he wants, your ex could attempt to get custody of your daughter. You might end up down the road paying child support to him and only seeing your daughter every other weekend. It could happen. Any issue about her upbringing would have to be okayed by him, or there could be a legal fight that costs you many thousands of dollars. You would even need permission by him to move out of the state. I know this isn't what you want to hear, but my husband has seen it happen many times. A better option might be a change of name. You can have her last name changed to your ex's very easily, yet it won't give him legal fatherhood.

Sara - posted on 06/05/2010

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what does it matter who was their when your child was born? my best friend was with me when i had my daughter not her father, but that doesnt mean that im going to tell her that he is her dad.. your babys dad is a smart one in telling you something you want to hear.. by the other guy adopting your kid, it gets the real father off the hook for child support..

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