Y won't my 3 yr old go in potty

Nikki - posted on 04/02/2010 ( 35 moms have responded )

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No matter how much I try or what I do I can not get my 3 year old to go to the potty, I will take him to the potty and he will sit there for 3 minutes and still wont go but as soon as he gets off the potty he will go in his underware, can someone please tell me what I can do

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ANA - posted on 04/07/2010

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I'm sooo glad to be able to write back, because I felt really frustrated with the potty training, Noah DIDN'T WANT to go potty, no matter how much I tried. I sang, jump, danced, praised him and nothing did seem to work, until one day, he decided go potty!, since that happened, none accident had happened. Now I have a new issue, doesn't matter where he is, he pulls his pants down when he pants go potty! Give him time, probably he is playing with you (he has control of the situation) just keep trying in a playing way, good luck!

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[deleted account]

Try putting some Cheerios in the toilet bowl and tell him to aim at them!

Also - try 2 M&M's as a reward. Only 2 - one for each hand, if he goes in the potty.

Rebecca - posted on 04/09/2010

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We just got done working with my dd with a trick a friend of mine used to train all 5 of her kids and a couple since hers were trained. She still has some accidents at night but if we wake her up at night to go potty she stays up till well after dawn. She is in big girl panties during he day and pull ups at night. We're still working on being out of the house because she is still scared of the height of the big potty.

What we have done was set a coffee cup in a cabinet or on a shelf where she can't reach it and filled it with small treats or candies (since she isn't allowed much in the way of candy this is great) She pees. she gets 2 m & m's or sixlets or whatever the treat is at the time. She poops, she gets 4 pieces. It works great and making a big fuss and excitement over her using it helped.

Sara - posted on 04/09/2010

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He isn't ready you should just leave him be for a while. My son, he was not into the potty, I tried all these things, rewards, and charts and "big boy" pants, and I gave up. I couldn't handle the mess, I was so frustrated, I gave up. I decided, when he is ready, he will do it, he know HOW, he just didn't feel the need to. Well, I got a lot of flack about it, and it grated on my nerves, but I did it MY way for MY kid, and you know what? One day, when he was 3 1/2 maybe, he walked up to me and said, "I hafta go potty" and he did, and that was it, he was trained in a week. :) My daughter was 4 before we trained her. She is a little developmentally delayed muscle-wise, so I didn't push it, and I knew how it went for my son, so I used the same method, when she is ready, she will go, and she did. She is trained now, less than week for her, once she was ready, it was done.

Now, I suggest pull ups, I used cheap ones on my son during the day, cause they were more uncomfortable when he messed them, but on my daughter we had to buy the expensive ones, because she got rashes very easily. I say wait it out, if you are worried about school soon, ask, some places will train them for you. Good luck!! :D

Oh, one more thing, with a boy, I taught him sitting down, it was easier, and cleaner! Eventually, Hubby took over and taught him the "boy way" so, don't worry too much about that. Oh, and then my son, saw my daughter go potty, and tried to tell her that "you have to stand up to pee you know, only babies sit." HA HA .. oh boy.. :P

JeAnna - posted on 04/08/2010

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My daughter will be 3 next month and refuses to go "poopy" in the toilet. She does not have a problem going "peepee" in her potty chair but #2 is out of the question. We have tried offering rewards such as candy for going poopy but that has not worked. She actually tells us that she needs to go poopy but brings us a diaper to put on her then she finds a corner or goes under the table, squats, does poopy, then tells us she is done.



My cousin just gave me a good idea and said she did this with her kids. You tell your child that if they go poopy in the potty you will call (their favorite character...my girl likes the chipmunks) on the phone and tell them that she went potty in the toilet. That she did really good and gets to call the chipmunks. When she goes poopy you forewarn a family member or friend that he/she went poopy and we are calling to let the chipmunks know about it and then that person alters their voice and pretends to be your childs favorite character and they have so much fun doing it that they get trained to poop in the toilet. I, personally, am preparing to try this method and see if it works for me. I have told her twice now and the 1st time she just looked at me but the 2nd time, she showed me how she is going to talk to the chipmunks when she goes poopy so I have high hopes. I definitely think it's worth a shot.

Erin - posted on 04/08/2010

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I know it sounds crazy my twin boys still have potty issues and they will be 4 in June but we camped alot so we would let them pee outside (it was a private camping area). It seemed that they were more comfortable not in an actual bathroom. Plus they didnt need help and they liked being able to do it all by them selfs!

[deleted account]

My son was toilet trained at 2 and then reverted to doing poos in his undies at about 2 1/2 for a few weeks before returning to using the toilet. Turns out, he just wanted to have the door closed when he's doing poos.

Firstly, I used a Weeman (which is a boys toilet trainer) which daddy showed him how to use and we had a 2 in 1 toilet seat (a child's and adult seat in one). We went from nappies to undies, no pull ups. I had a reward chart using his favourite stickers (after every 5 trips to the toilet he got a small prize). All my ideas came from www.pottytraining.com.au. He was trained in 3 days and accident free in a week.

THEN came the fight for independence! When he reverted to doing poos in his pants, it was totally a control issue. Toileting is the one thing a child has total control of, so if we push too much (in our case, I'd had another baby) they will do the opposite of what we want them to do. Give him a fun way to do poos in the toilet (like the toilet crackers, with the full story that you have to "feed" the toilet, etc) and then remind him every so often, but don't make a big deal about the accidents. One day things will just go "click!" and he'll be doing poos in the toilet again.

Good luck!

Helen - posted on 04/07/2010

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hi.....i had the same exact problem. what you have to do is take a long weekend......thurs, fri, sat and sun.......you need to comit yourself and stay home with your 3 yr old for the 4 days. you have to put him on a scheduale.......every 45 min put him on the potty.....load him with tons of fluids......sit him on the potty.....dont give up.....when he goes - praise him.......get lots of gifts from the dollar store and each time he goes on the potty....reward him with a gift. trust me.....it works. my son was fully potty trained at 3 yrs and 3 months after doing the 4 day exercise. it worked like a charm and he never had an accident since. try it and let me know if it worked for u too.
take care....----helen

Shannon - posted on 04/07/2010

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My son will be three in a month and has been potty trained for the most part for a month (he has gone back to wanting to go poo in his underwear). We did the bribes (Disney Pixar Cars since he loves the movie). We would tell him at first he would get a car everytime he went on the potty, then moved it up to when he didn't wet his pull ups for the morning/afternoon, up to all day. It really helped when I bought him training underwear instead of pull ups. He could feel it better I guess. I had to ask him every 20minutes if he had to go pee pee. We also made up a song that he would sing with a fun beat (he liked this and will still sing it when he has to go). The experts say some boys can take up until four so don't be discouraged just try new things until you find something that your son seems to like. I also bought my son a potty (hated it), then I bought him a seat for the potty (hated it). He seems to like using the regular toilet with his step stool. GOOD LUCK!!

Jessica - posted on 04/07/2010

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MYy son was 2 1/2 when he was potty trained fully and he is almost 5 now and sleeps through the night without accidents. I used rewards mostly. Spent alot of time encouraging him and listening to him. He is very communicative. My daughter on the other hand has been rather difficult, she is almost 4 now and still has accidents. She understands what she needs to do but i think gets lazy and doesnt want to run to the potty. Good Luck!

Yannine - posted on 04/07/2010

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He is not ready. My daughter did the same thing, then one day she said I dont want diapers anymore mom, I want big girl underwear! She had 2 accidents that first week, one accident the second, and none since... She turned 3 in April but didnt fully potty train until like July. It's when their ready.

Denise - posted on 04/06/2010

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im having the same problem with my daughter, she will be 3 in June , and when I say do you have to go potty, by than she sits there for a minute and jumps off and say's I did it, but in reality she's already gone in her pull up, my sister in law who has a day care gave me some advice because I ? my daughter to why she was not going, she said that all kids are different, and go at different times some learn quicker than others, im a single parent and she is an only child so that has something to do with it as well, she doesnt have siblings to look up to or follow, or could be she's just not ready, my sister in law said it will just click with them and they will go, and as soon as you realize that the pull up or diaper is not soaked after nap, or in the morning than it's time, just be patient it will come, I know mine will :)...

Suzanne - posted on 04/06/2010

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He/she just isn't ready yet...When they are it will be soooo easy! It definitely is not worht forcing it-tried that with the first one and ugh-disaster. She waited a whole other year. Second one- on his own at 2 1/2 completely potty-trained at 3. And I didn't really do anything but ask and be okay with him saying no. Towards the end he needed a little incentive (Woody doll) to use it consistently every time-That worked like a charm and he has been doing great ever since.

Noemi - posted on 04/06/2010

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two words: gummies bears. He only gets one when he goes poo. Also, keep him in underwear and make it REAL unpleasant when he goes in his pants. Like showers in the sink if you're in public place, or standup showers at home. I am not reccomending cruelty here, just make the difference really obvious... & good luck. My daughter was a dream to train but my son is also very attached to his diapers.

Rachelle - posted on 04/06/2010

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Same here! My almost 2 1/2 year old pee's in the potty all day long. No accidents at night or at nap time. But when it comes to pooping in the potty....he just doesn't get it. We never used pull ups. We went straight to underwear. I make him try to sit on the toilet and push out his bumm. I tell him when mommy is going poo poo IN the toilet. When I ask him where he goes poo poo. He tells me, "in the toilet". But now he thinks the routine is to poop in the underwear and wash it out. He has no problem cleaning it up too. ( I tried that one too). I praise when he does go poo in the potty. It's a big deal with a special treat. But the very next time...he goes in his pants again. and he tells me, "Sorry Mommy :(". Patience patience patience. But sometimes it gets hard when we go someplace and always carrying a bag of wipes and change of clothes. It's been 6 months of training. Friends tell me sometime it takes a year for boys to figure the poo poo part out.

SHANNON - posted on 04/06/2010

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MY 3 YEAR OLD WILL PEE IN HER POTTY BUT REFUSES TO POO IN THERE I HAVE HER WEAR UNDERWEAR BUT SHE WILL GO TO THE POTTY TO PEE ALL DAY LONG BUT WHEN SHE HAS TO POO SHE JUST LETS IT OUT IN HER PANTS ....IDK WHO TO BREAK HER OF THIS ...

Nikki - posted on 04/06/2010

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yes it is very hard, my son is the same way I have even takin his little potty and put in front of the tv and he will sit there for a whole movie and not go potty but as soon as I put a pull up on him he decideds to go in it. So it is really hard

Shareka - posted on 04/06/2010

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my son is almost three as well and he acts like he is scared of it...i cant get it right...soon it will be time to go to school..i have no clue on what to go......my son can sit there for 30 mins and he still want use it..ive tried sitting him in front of the tv....running water...singing a song....he just want go...when u figure something out let me know.....this is tougher than i thought it would be

Nikki - posted on 04/06/2010

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Oh my it is so hard and frustrating. I use to keep what I called potty candy but for some reason that just don't work anymore, sometimes I just wanna give up but I know I can't...

Katie - posted on 04/06/2010

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Great to read all of this! My twins are 3 and my husband and I are finding it all hard too! Fine for wees, but 9 / 10 poos in pants!!!!! Hard work isn't it?

Nikki - posted on 04/06/2010

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I have tried to let him stand up but he looks at me weird and won't do anything, His dad tried showing him how to stand up and he just looked at him and said "that weird daddy"

Nikki - posted on 04/06/2010

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yeah I put him in his underwear and when he has to pee he will go in the other room and then come and tell me he peed and he will do that right after I have sat him on the toilet!! kinda frustrating

Amy - posted on 04/06/2010

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Is he in diapers/pull-ups? Our son was potty trained in school way before he was at home, we couldn't get him to even sit on the potty. His teacher told us to have him wear underwear, yes there will be some messes (we used the plastic covers) because if he is in diapers he has no motivation to go in the potty. After our son had to clean up his peepee:) on the floor and changing clothes he finally caught on at home.

Meryl - posted on 04/06/2010

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All the above! plus, have you tried encouraging him to go standing up and holding the potty in position? probably won't work but maybe worth a try! My boy used to go as I stood him in the bath so I decided to 'catch it' right then in the potty which helped him realise what the potty was for. (he was only about 10 months then, however, so this was more of a reflex action) Maybe when yours gets off the pot, let him go without underwear (in a confined space) and see if you can catch it then! then big cheers all round!

Jennifer - posted on 04/05/2010

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Hi Nikki. You know I was wondering the same about my 3 year old, he knows how to pee in the potty but just will not potty in the potty. He'll let us know when he needs to go "busy" but refuses to sit on the pot. So we have a stash of pulls ups just to make clean up easier but encourage him that he needs to learn to potty in the "big boy toliet" . So were in the same boat, patience is what everyone says so lets go with that, what else can we do...forcing them won't help any. =) good luck keep our fingers crossed for our boys to learn...

Karen - posted on 04/05/2010

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My son was the same way at first. I put up fun stickers on the wall next to the potty, and made it real fun for him. I would dance for him, read and just sit there with him. This would encourage him to sit there longer and relax. Sometimes he would sit on the potty for 15 minutes then while laughing at me would do his pee. This would earn him a candy for his hard work. He was trained within two weeks doing it this way.
Good luck and remember that every child is different, he will get it when he is ready :)

Dawn - posted on 04/05/2010

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Try to back off for a while then retry it again. He just may not be ready yet.

DeShone - posted on 04/05/2010

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I was told BOYS are harder to train.My friend has a 4 year old who just got trained.Good luck!!!!!!!!

Nikki - posted on 04/05/2010

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thanx. I am up to try new things cuz it seems like nothing is working that I do

Diane - posted on 04/05/2010

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hi Nikki he wont do till he is ready try no underwear for a day see if that helps try no potty use the toilet instead or break off for a week and then try again hope this helps

Jodie - posted on 04/02/2010

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Hi Nikki, you aren't alone my 3 and half year old refuses aswell although we have said that the easter bunny is taking the nappies and has said that he needs to use the toilet. We have also bought some thomas the tank trains and they are only allowed to be played with whilst trying to go to the toilet, he hates not being able to put them on the track but it is starting to work, the other day he asked to sit on the toilet....so guess it is just time patience and persistance...Good luck!

Michelle - posted on 04/02/2010

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I'd probably have to say he isn't ready. Don't force him. I have four boys. My twins were a month before turning 4 before they were potty trained and my middle boy was a few months after 3. I don't know on my last one. Just encourage your child and when he is ready he will let you know. All my boys told me when they were ready and they were day and night trained. Good luck and don't get discouraged.

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