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Dealing with Nosey Strangers?

Kelly - posted on 09/17/2009 ( 39 moms have responded )

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I have 9mo identical twin girls and have found myself hiding in my house so as to not deal with nosey people anymore. When I go out alone I have to use the double stroller and I make sure NOT to dress them alike, but I am constantly stopped by complete strangers wanting to ask questions and talk and even touch my kids. My time is limited when I am out, flu season is upon us and I am frankly sick of people thinking they can ask such personal questions! How do you deal? I'm running out of niceties and about ready to just start slapping hands!

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Kayleena - posted on 09/20/2009

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I have 4 year old fraternal g/g twins that don't look anything alike and people ask me all the time if they are identical. I get a lot of are they twins or because of one of them being small compared to the other oh, they could be twins! People have stopped touching thank goodness because I got very irritated when random people touched.

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Perenelle - posted on 03/28/2014

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You need to be firm with strangers. Let them know this is not okay, but still be polite. You can say, "I'm sorry, but could you please not touch my babies? (Insert explanation/ reason here). Thank you." If they still persist, say "I know you may like children and think they are cute, but I do not want you touching my babies." You should also feel comfortable with walking away. You could also explain that they have a severe disease, and you do not want others touching them. These are your children. You have the right to say that you do not want others touching them, and you have the right to protect them. Best wishes.

Nicole - posted on 10/06/2009

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I completely understand where your coming from. I have 5 month old twin girls and when we go out as I'm sure most mothers do I make sure it is straight after a feed and I try to get everything done quickly before they get cranky especially when I am by myself which is most of the time and it is more difficult to handle 2 crying babies in the middle of a shopping centre.



You get a lot of 'Oh Double Trouble' or "It must be hard with two'. When I get the double trouble comment I just say "Oh so I've been told' and keep walking. I am so sick of the comments and complete strangers stopping to talk to or TOUCH my babies. I can't understand why people think they have the right. My mum thinks all the attention is great and can't understand why it frustrates me, but it does.



Mainly I just keep walking, try not to make eye contact, walk fast and pretend I didn't hear anyone speak. If I ignore people I do feel rude, but at the end of the day they feel they can be rude and make the comments and I don't know these people so I shouldn't feel bad. I have had people literally jump in front of the pram and stop me and I took them grocery shopping once in a twin trolley and I had people actually hold my trolley and rub the girls hands so I couldn't move.



Good luck with however you handle and your not alone.

Angel - posted on 10/06/2009

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Yes, haven't we all been there with twins and still are!!! My boys ar egoing on two and still people always want to stop and chit chat. I have learned to embrace it at times but still let the people know i don't want them touched and let them know at the beginnig of the conversation how you feel about people touching and tell them you are out enjoyign a QUIET nice day and just start walking.

Rustell - posted on 10/06/2009

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I just decided yesterday that I am going to start being rude. I already ask people not to touch, but with flu season already here the people leaning over the stroller is too much too. I try to keep moving, but when I go to the store and check out the cashiers from other aisles crowd around the stroller (seriously). It is so strange to me. I have never approached another persons child!

I often get the "are they identical?" -- and I have a boy and a girl.
A woman at the library the other day asked, "How did you get two babies so close together?" That's the first one to stump me. I couldn't come up with a witty reply so I had to tell her they were twins.

I've had several people ask me to slow down so they can look at my babies. (Do they think we go grocery shopping so that we can display them for them?)

I did have to laugh good naturedly this weekend when I was getting the babies out of the car and into the stroller...the woman in the car next to me started to pull out...then stopped. A few seconds later her own children started yelling for her to go and she said to just wait a minute she was going to wait to see the babies.

Gill - posted on 10/06/2009

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I'm so glad i found this! My non id twin girls are 8 weeks old now, and i have a 20 month old son also, if i had a pound for everytime someone said oh you've got your hands full i'd be very rich lol, i hate going shopping as i just get gawped at all the time! I went shopping last week and i have never ever had so much attention it was so annoying someone even had the cheek to ask "was i sure that their not identical?" Hmm now let me see...they look completely different i carried them for 8 1/2 months and gave birth to them i'm ruddy sure you idiot!! I've also had the "ohh your a bit young for ivf arn't you?!" Um a) no i'm not and B) there not ivf. Another one that really upset me was again when i was shopping and some woman and her friend was there said the old usual "oh look twins" and the other started going on how that was just damn selfish that i got 2?!? WTF? I didn't ask to have twins but im very blessed to have them grrr sorry rant over lol x

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The way I deal with nosey strangers...if they have kids with them i am really sarcastic..if they don't have kids with them, i get kind of nasty. The nasty part of it started when some woman at our pedi's office asked what sex position i used to conceive them....i told her to take it up her...eh hem...and see if that helped. she actually thanked me for the "tip" with a sincere smile on her face..it was nuts. Anymore the only ones i'm nice to are the ones pushing their twins around in a stroller, and they stop and see that mine are older, they don't ask if my girls are twins, they just kind of know, and sometimes will just start asking things like what feeding schedule i had them on, or if they play well together all the time, what do mine fight over...normal non circus questions....

Katie - posted on 10/05/2009

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I'm thinking of having buttons or t-shirts made for my husband and I, especially for when we go to walmart. it would read

Yes - they are twins
No - they are BOTH girls
No - they are not identical
No - I don't know if I'm done having kids yet but you will be the first to know
And don't even ask about fertility treatments!

I think I still need to work on it some more though

Brenda - posted on 10/05/2009

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Quoting natassia:

I dont' mind getting stopped. Unless I'm in a hurry or trying to get stuff done before the next feeding or other appointments - Usually when people ask "are they twins?" I respond and keep walking at the same time. The worst is when I'm out to eat. people always seem to ask questions when I'm stuffing my face and can't answer without that awkward "wait a sec i need to chew" moment. :) I think a lot of the questions are funny. The best question was when they were 5 months old. "Are they BOTH twins??" LOL nahhh just one.


LOL I love that question I can't believe I haven't heard it. When my fraternal twin girls were under a year people would ask me (because of their size difference) how far apart are they? One old man about had a stroke when I said "eleven minutes"...I think he was expecting eleven months or something! Then it was, "are they indentical?" and I wanted to answer "are you looking at them?" Now people just ask "are they related?" It cracks me up! I think in the first year I was just so euphoric to go out of the house that I couldn't be angry with the admiring looks and comments. My husband and I tried for nine years before achieving pregnancy, so I am so blessed to share my miracles. Sometimes I felt like a celebrity in my smallish town, and my best friend joked that if she went out with me in public she should bring candy to throw at the kids because she felt like she was in a parade! But I did worry (and that worry would be so much more now with the H1N1 thing) about the touching. I like the other ideas of reminding people "just keeping safe from the flu" and moving away. I don't know what possesses people to touch other peoples' kids in the first place...sheesh!

Alana - posted on 10/05/2009

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A friend of mine suggested telling people one phrase when they look to be ready to touch...."thank you, you can admire from afar....flu season and all..." so far it's worked really well! Good luck.

[deleted account]

As far as the personal questions, you can say, "wow, that's are really personal question" and walk away. They alsways ask if the twins are "natural." Do they expect you to delve into fertility issues with strangers?!?! Often strangers don't realize how personal they are acting. As far as touching, that drives me nuts too. Move the stroller away and say we're trying to stay healthy during flu season, I'm sure you understand.

Natassia - posted on 10/04/2009

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I dont' mind getting stopped. Unless I'm in a hurry or trying to get stuff done before the next feeding or other appointments - Usually when people ask "are they twins?" I respond and keep walking at the same time. The worst is when I'm out to eat. people always seem to ask questions when I'm stuffing my face and can't answer without that awkward "wait a sec i need to chew" moment. :) I think a lot of the questions are funny. The best question was when they were 5 months old. "Are they BOTH twins??" LOL nahhh just one.

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Quoting Kerry:

Yup me too, I have identical twin girls 12 weeks old. I was soooo embarrassed at first, as I don't like a lot of attention, but am slowly getting used to it. I love some of the come backs people have put on here, I will remember those next time I get someone asking a probing question. I have found that looking at the floor works or looking in the other direction when I see people looking. I haven't had any weirdo's trying to hold them yet, but will be ready for them if they do! I love the orgasmed twice comment pmsl!!!


My husband still tells everyone, "NO, they are not twins, there was a buy one get one sale at the hospital that day."  He loves it.  Good Luck.  Don't be afraid to tell them to back off.

[deleted account]

LOL, people are so silly. Idnetical means Identical, not b/g. I have almost 3 year old twins and I still get asked "Are they twins?" Annoying, but now i just laugh and keep going.

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Hi Kelly, I have almost 3 year old twin girls and I faced the same exact types of issues you are facing. I used red stop signs that said, "Stop, Please wash your hands before touching mine". It worked because I put them all over the stroller and carriers. I even pointed to them when people didn't get it. You are going to have to get not nice, especially this time of year, FOR YOUR BABIES SAKE. We just went to the Dr. today for U.R.I. and double ear infections. The website for those signs is www.mytinyhands.com. I even hung one on the cribs for a while. Don't be afraid to protect your little ones from strangers. You also don't want to not take them out, because when they are older, they will know how to push your buttons and know that you are not in control. I hope this helps. Have a great day! Kelly Sperry

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i have boy and girl twins they are two in december and i still get asked know if they are twins and are aren't identical are they lol my boy has ginger hair and me girl has brown hair it does get on your nerves after a while but i love taking my twins out.

Kim - posted on 09/27/2009

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Twins are magnets! Mine are 7 years old and they still attract people. I have identical boys and the one questions that just irritates me and is now starting to irritate the boys is "Are they twins?" I remember when we first had them they made this cover that went over the carseat for the winter time. If I didn't want people to stop me i would just cover them up and say they are sleeping. I know that in some cultures they believe that they must touch some part of the skin of the baby or it will get sick. I never minded for them to touch their foot or leg. Also if I was in a hurry I would just smile and say thank you and go on. You are not being rude, but there are times that you will learn interesting stories from the strangers. Some are older people and it takes them back to when they had THEIR twins. I now kind of soak it up. I know my kids attract the attention and now no matter how different they dress people still stop us.

Kerry - posted on 09/27/2009

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Yup me too, I have identical twin girls 12 weeks old. I was soooo embarrassed at first, as I don't like a lot of attention, but am slowly getting used to it. I love some of the come backs people have put on here, I will remember those next time I get someone asking a probing question. I have found that looking at the floor works or looking in the other direction when I see people looking. I haven't had any weirdo's trying to hold them yet, but will be ready for them if they do! I love the orgasmed twice comment pmsl!!!

Jennifer - posted on 09/26/2009

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Start being a smart a$$. It's what I plan on doing and have been doingf..

I am pregnant with my first set of twins and every single person that finds out i'm having twins always asks HOW we did it..so I was like no we didn't use fertility drugs and yadda yadda but they are persistent and are like well does it run in your family etc so I just end the conversation and tell them we had sex and I orgasmed.....TWICE. LMAO.

Leanna - posted on 09/21/2009

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I actually had someone start to unstrap one of my twin daughters out of the double stroller one time. I actually grabbed her hand and told her that she was not allowed to touch my kids not only because I didn't know her but because she was rude to think for even a second that I would let a complete stranger just unstrap my daughter to hold her. My twin girls are now almost 3 years old and I do still get the awww are they twins question, but not as much as I use to. My twin daughters are only 16 months younger than their older sister, so after I had them I was constantly getting the question "Are they triplets?" I started telling them that yes they were triplets, but the doctor took her(the older one) and let the other 2 cook a little longer. I mean come on I have two in carriers and the other one is walking. I would get so tired of hearing the same questions. I agree AVOIDING EYE CONTACT works really well. I had even reached the point where I would hear people behind me in the store or would actually have the people ask me all of the rude questions mentioned above along with the personal ones. So I would start to walk away and tell my girls loud enough for the "strangers" to hear "Come on girls lets go to another part of the store where the other customers are not rude or nosy. And to where the customers are polite enough not to gawk at you like you are some kind of public art piece." It worked for me those who were behind me would either shut up with their comments or just walk away. Feel free to use whatever method works for you. I personally did not feel like just because I had twins that that made my girls and I public property. You have every right to your privacy and other people need to learn to respect it. To me what these people do whatever their reasons for doing it is harassment plain and simple, because if I had hounded them in the grocery store and followed them around like they did me. They would turn around and file stalking charges on me.

Shannon - posted on 09/21/2009

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My second child was only 9 months old and walking when my identical twin girls were born. they were so small I could put them in the same car seat when I took them into a store.(they had seperate special bed carseats for the car). People would ask me all the time, mind you two are sitting side by side in a car seat and the other is walking, if I had triplets, or are they both girls, are they identical. My twin girls were the first girls in the family therefore you know everyone bought pink and everything the same. I used to say nope they aren't both girls we just dress them alike because we hope the boy twin grows up wanting to be a girl. I really used to get my patience tested. I learned to keep it moving and make no eye contact. I try to be nice, but duh! they look the same and they both are in pink what do you think!. And there was a tremendous size difference between my girls and my second son. My girls are 5 now and my second son is 6. I still get the triplet question every now and then since they are all the same size now, but I just answer no and keep moving. If I see people looking while I am in the store what ever is on the shelf has suddenly become the most interesting thing in the store, or I move on and come back later to that section of the store. NO EYE CONTACT is the trick, and don't stop. (you really didn't hear them). I will stop and talk to another mother of twins if they are willing only because we share something in common. But if they don't look like they want to talk I understand and leave them alone. Never feel ashamed about telling someone even if it comes out rude not to touch your babies. I love kids and work in a daycare center, even I don't touch a stranger's baby.

[deleted account]

My twins are 15 now, and yes, Terresa, it does slow down, but not until they get out of elementary school! Sorry, but you still have a ways to go. People will stop touching them so frequently though once they start walking =o) Babies are just so accessible. I love your sign idea "If there was only one of me in here . . ." That is great!

Best of luck to you all!

Terresa - posted on 09/20/2009

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Hi there, I have identical 7 month old girls and this is one of my biggest pet hates at the moment and like others, I do love to hear from other twin mums (coz only they know exactly what we go through!!) but as for random people who can be walking in the complete opposite direction to where I am going and as soon as they see the twin pram, will literally stop and make a beeline for me only to just stare and make ridiculous comments (so over hearing DOUBLE THE TROUBLE HEY??...aarrrggghh!!!). Unfortunately I'm a softie and cant snap at them, I just smile and be polite and try to get moving again quickly. I said to my husband I need to put up a sign on the front of my pram saying "If there was only one of me in here...would you be staring at me right now???".

I suppose it just goes with the territory of having twins but I really do understand your frustration, especially with the risk of passing on germs etc. But I do just hope, as Kristie Lloyd above said, that it slows up as they get older....we can only hope!!

Kristi - posted on 09/19/2009

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I know how you feel too. We have 2 year old boy/girl twins and we can't even go for a walk with our double stroller without all the stares. It's like people have never seen a family go for a walk before. Most of the time the comments and questions don't bother me and luckily nobody has asked to touch them or hold them. Hang in there. I've noticed the comments get a little less once the kids get older.

[deleted account]

yes had all those questions too! 'are they twins?' like der, 'are they identical?' well you tell me and the 'did you have ivf?' question, i mean thats a bit of a personal question to ask really, isn't it? and as i already had 4 other children wen they were born, why would i need ivf? lol xx

Katie - posted on 09/19/2009

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First of all, you have every right to slap hands. Yes, I have done that alot. Good news is that if you slap one hand in a store, most everyone leaves you alone. lol I used to carry a large bottle of hand sanitizer in the cup holder (some took the hint). As for the dumb question, good luck. I have b/g twins and my favorite question is, "Are they identical?" I make it a game now. I had a lady ask me if I tore since I had two. I asked her if she had ever had hemorriods(Rectal bleeding, menopause and erectile dysfunction are good too). No, I dont answer the questions anymore. They are 5 now and I let them tell people that, 'You are a stranger and we don't talk to stangers!' Niceties left me a while ago. Of course, I don't do that to everyone but it works.

Lori - posted on 09/19/2009

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I have twin boys who are 13 months and gt stopped all the time by people asking if they are twins - quite frankly, I am getting tired of it. I am tempted one time to say "twins? oh my gosh, what happened to the other one" and walk quickly away as if in search of another child... As for someone reaching out to touch them, I tell people NOT to touch them and I feel that is my right to say so...

Dayna - posted on 09/18/2009

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I have fraternal b/b, 7 months old, and a daughter who will be 2 in one week.

I get "you sure have your hands full, don't you?" all the time, I just smile and nod and go my way. So far I haven't gotten too many rude remarks, but I have gotten the "glad its you and not me" stuff a few times, which is sooooo annoying (not to mention rude, as if I would return one?!)

However, I do have a really irritating neighbor, she lives in my building and just drops by my apartment at odd times. I'm nice, because she's old, but it is irritating--especially when my place is a complete mess but she wants to chat and show the babies to her granddaughter!

As far as anyone wanting to hold or touch the kids, absolutely NOT! I don't ask to hold strangers' children, so they shouldn't ask to hold mine. Especially with the recent flu stuff.

Danielle - posted on 09/18/2009

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My only caution is that every person who asks you if they are twins, may actually be in the same situation as you. If I am out alone and see someone with twins, I do approach them and confirm that they are twins and let the parents know that I am also a parent of twins. Although there have been times that I ask "are they twins" and I get the look as if I were one of those "people who don't get it".



The question has never bothered me but I have never had anyone touch my children without my permission. It's only those who make the rude comments that I find offensive.

Kathy - posted on 09/18/2009

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My twin girls are 7 and I still get the "Are they twins?" on Holloween a couple years ago I was with a friend we were taking all our kids trick or treating and someone asked if they were twins and before I even had a chance to reply my friend said nope they are 5 years apart this one is just small for her age. I almost died from laughter at the look on the persons face!! I do remember before I had twins asking if other peoples kids were twins. I feel really bad about it now though and have definately learned to ask how old they are instead. I never approach anybody unless my girls are with me so they know that I have been there too.

Ellie - posted on 09/18/2009

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god im so glad i found this. i thought it was only me... i hate people touching the babies!!! swine flu going around and people are coming up to touch the babies!!! since when is that allowed! i always feel rude if i say anything but god it does get you down!!

Toni - posted on 09/18/2009

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LOL. I know exactly how u all feel! my girls r 18 months, fartenal twins, but they look really alike! I get all the same q's. U will not b able to stop the strangers and the best option is to either ignore or answer with sacasm, as they ladies above have done. I 2 am 1 of those people. I will answer that 1 is mine and i found the other 1, but because she looked so much like my daughter i took her! lol. And no they r triplets but the two of them have a growth disorder ( i have a 4 yr old as well). ect.. But good luck with your effort to stop them! and let me know if anything works!

Heather - posted on 09/18/2009

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My identical twin girls will be 8 months old one the second. When my husband and I go out shopping we obviously have to take two carts. We have come to the conclusion that you just have to split up and meet in the middle of the store somewhere. I have just started ignoring people and saying "yep there twins". I have almost been tempted to post a sign in front of them that says yes they are twins yes they are BOTH identical girls and yes it is a lot of work and it is worth it. The only people that understand people with twins are people who have had twins.... im sure it will never stop but its just easier to just keep doing your thing and let them look at a distance. Hopefully you can do the same.

Toni - posted on 09/18/2009

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My twin boys are almost 3, and we have a 7 yr old daughter. One day my daughter asked why people wouldnt leave her brothers alone....they were just babies! So it defenitely gets to everyone else in the family too. I once had a woman ask me in the grocery store if i delivered naturally or by c section, and how far apart they were. I'm completely open to answering questions to other moms of twins or even moms of singles, but when older ladies ask me such personal questions it gets to be a bit much. I just try to smile and be polite as I possibly can, but it usually takes me twice as long in the grocery store. It gets easier when they get older. The worst one is I'm glad its you and not me....well so am I. I often have strangers come up to me and pat me on the back, and tell me it'll all be ok, those times usually make me want to cry. Its easier knowing people who have been there.

Danielle - posted on 09/18/2009

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Oh my goodness I was just talking about this yesterday with my husband! I have 5 1/2 month old identical twin girls and I can't even make a quick trip to walmart without people stopping me and it drives me nuts! I was beginning to wonder if I was just being rude but it really is irritating after awhile. I was just loading my girls in the car this week and whole van full of people stopped behind my car to watch what I was doing and rolled the windows down to ask questions about my girls. I don't want to be mean to strangers but I totally understand what you mean..goodness it'd be nice to be able to just go places without all the stares and comments and ppl trying to touch our babies! I basically just try to smile but if I'm not in the mood to talk I just keep walking quickly and try not to make eye contact with people. It works sometimes but then other times ppl are just too darn nosey...I wish I had a quarter for how many times ppl tell me "Oh my are those twins" or " Goodness you have your hands full"...hang in there b/c I"m sure all of us with twins can totally relate to what you're going through !

Kimberly - posted on 09/17/2009

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OMG I'm so happy I found this post. When I first got pregnant w/ twins my husband gleefully told everyone and I would get the rudest questions like if I concieved doing IVF (which I didn't). I even had some crazy mom ask me one time to touch my stomach during breakfast at a Cracker Barrel. It was the weirdest thing ever. My twins are fraternal boy and girl and the most annoying question I get know is what "are" they. I'm usually like duh, ones in a blue care seat and the other in a pink but I bite my tongue and politely answer. I've also gotten the "are they twins?" question. One time I lost it and told some lady they weren't and my daughter was mine and my son was my husband's and another girl." I know it was wrong but come on...if you ask something like that you almost deserve to get a "Jerry Springer" answer. I haven't had the crazies ask to touch or try to touch them. I'd probably be like shoving my hand in the middle saying something smart like, "my kids are like displayed art in a museum. Look all you want but you NEVER EVER get to touch the paintings." People are completely oogley eyed when it comes with twins...I've kind of learned just to bite my tounge, keep my answers short and move fast.

Margo - posted on 09/17/2009

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First..don't hide! While twins are increasing in numbers, they are still an attention drawing thing. My twins are now almost 9 yrs old. I often got stopped when they were younger and if I had time/patience I would answer a question or two. If in a hurry, just keep walking, no one says you have to acknowledge the stranger. If they get close, do not feel any shame in telling someone "don't touch". I am one of those people that will occasionally stop another mom of twins, but usually to just say..."hey, I've been there too."
As far as snappy responses, my favorite is "nope, they are quads, just left the boys home with dad!" before making my way along laughing as I go.
Another good strategy, don't make eye contact, it doesn't deter all of the nosey strangers, but will cause others to leave you alone.

Jennifer - posted on 09/17/2009

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I know exactly how you feel! My identical boys are 8 months old, and I dread going out because I am constantly being stopped by strangers that want to ask questions and talk, too. I won't even go out by myself anymore, as I tend to lose my temper at times when people start touching my kids....especially after I have asked them not to. I even have a sign that I got from the Synagis manufacturer (RSV shot) that says "STOP - PLEASE WASH YOUR HANDS BEFORE YOU TOUCH MINE" that clips onto the stroller and car seats....people just say "oh, how cute" and touch them anyways! I have started watching for people who are "gawking"....the ones that are obviously going to stop you...and just keep walking when they start asking questions. My DH told me I was rude, but really, I have stuff to do, and only a few hours between feedings/nap times to get it done. I dress my boys alike on purpose so that people won't ask if they're twins....I figure it's obvious when not only do they look alike, but they're dressed alike too!....so when they ask, I generally smile and say "Nope. I grabbed two random kids, bought a double stroller, and dressed them alike for fun." and keep on walking. Don't get me wrong, there are days when I'm not like that, and am much more tolerant of people treating my kids like a sideshow, but just short of attaching a sign to the stroller stating "Yes, they're twins. Yes, they're identical. No, you CAN NOT hold/touch/kiss my babies." there's not much to be done. Sorry this has turned into a bit of a vent for me! I say answering their questions with ridiculous answers just to see the look on their faces is fun for me, and keeps me from losing my mind!

Here are some of the things I've answered to the question "Are they twins?"

1. Nope. One of them is 8 months old and the other is 3 and a dwarf.

2. No, I just grabbed two random kids, bought a double stroller, and dressed them alike for fun.

3. No, the one in the front of the stroller is mine, and the one in the back is my daughter's. (She's 11, and was standing next to me at the time. You should have seen the look I got after that one....it was priceless! My DD was laughing so hard, she had tears running down her face!)

4. You know, I really don't know. I just grabbed this stroller from the other aisle when the mom wasn't looking. (I got in trouble for that one! It was funny though!)



Feel free to use any of those if you'd like! Good luck, and enjoy your girls!

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