FIGHTING TWINS

Toni - posted on 08/04/2009 ( 8 moms have responded )

19

6

1

My twins are 18mths old, they are non identical girls. I also have a 4yr old girl. My problem is with the twins, they really DO NOT get on at all. They constantly fight with each other over everything from a crayon to which side of the pushchair they want to sit in. The fights are not verbal but are most deffinatly physical! They also fight with my older daughter a lot.
Does any one have any advice on how to stop them fighting constantly and learn to play with each other nicely???
Please help me, my house is like a war zone at the moment! lol

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Terri - posted on 08/16/2009

85

4

9

First of all, here is a hug, I know how it is to have twins who fight alot, mine were boys, and they were not the lovey dovey type like you read of so many others. Mine have this love/hate mostly hate relationship, still do at 15. I didn't allow physical fights, maybe why they still are trying to establish who is alpha dog jr?

I learned this through 15 years of daycare and always having two toddlers around the same age...my rule is if you fight over it no one gets it, and I take the toy away and put in high place. Seems unfair to the one who had toy first, but she is also fighting to keep the toy and not sharing either. Pretty soon all you have to do is say...do I need to take the toy away? And they majically use their reasoning skills at figuring out who gets the toy or they share it.

As they near twoish, If they can't play nice, they don't get to play at all with us. I tell them to go to a place in hallway (cause they are usually crying and I don't want it to interfere with our activity) until they have decided they can play nice with us and share. that way ball is in their court as to how quickly they can come back and join in. I always say "I would love to have you draw with us, but if your going to fight over crayons or chairs you not invited." At first, I would physically remove them to the spot in hallway (hallway cause I can see them, and they me) telling them when they stop crying your invited to come back in and join us. 18 months is tricky age, speech is just developing, but when they want something they can't put it into words fast enough, so the only thing they can think of doing is striking out. So taking the toys away stops it from elevating to a fight over it.

Angie - posted on 08/04/2009

5

31

1

I feel you're pain I have 4 yr old twins boy and girl and they like youre fight over everything some times I break it up and other times I let them just have at it. But all I can say is they need to work it out themselves sometimes. When it gets real bad thats when I step in. they will work it out.

8 Comments

View replies by

Courtney - posted on 08/20/2009

31

9

3

My identical twins are 2 years, 3 months and they fight over everything. They are actually already getting better about hitting when one of them has a toy they want, but we did do time-outs in the bedroom when they would hit each other. Honestly I think they are just getting over it on their own though. But they STILL fight, they just don't hit quite as much. With them it's more of a temper tantrum - screaming, crying and calling for mom and dad. They do play together too, but it's not really with "things." If they say go to a new place and find something fun to do while running around they will laugh and take turns, but if there is only one of something, God help us, it's going to be a screaming match! Good luck. Oh and we have one that seemed to be more aggressive for awhile, we are starting to see that it's just that she is a bit more stingy... hee hee, and we don't let her get away with it if we see it. If they just started fighting and we don't see, we try to help them resolve it, if they aren't interested, then we take it away. I read a lot from older twins who have written books about there being a dominant and submissive twin and I'm really afraid that will happen with the girls, so I don't let them bully each other.

Amy - posted on 08/20/2009

17

23

2

I think part of it is their age. Mine are starting to fight over toys already and they are only 11 mos. But I also know that my other kids did the same thing between the ages of 12 mos and 3 yrs. They don't understand the concept of sharing at those ages. Some kids don't get it until they are four. Give it some time, all you can really do is keep trying to teach them how to be nice. Let them know that if one had it first the other will get it when she is finished with it. I know it's not as simple as that...keep on it...Good luck.

Toni - posted on 08/20/2009

19

6

1

thanx for the support every1. I do at the mo tend to leave them, but do find the younger 1 Erin is very violent and bites, pinches, kicks ect to get her way. While Neaveh is laid back. It really annoys me to see Erin getting her way all the time because Neaveh just gives in to her nasty ways!

I dont want her growin up thinking that if you hurt some1 then you can get what you want.

Lindsey - posted on 08/19/2009

3

1

0

sorry to tell you my twin girls still fight and there nearlly 12 it all started about 18 months old ,iv learnt just to let them get on with it cos you can really get stressed over it ! me and my husband ended up falling out over it all the time and when we sent them to bed they was all ways best bubbies again and it always left us in a bad mood . if ya choose to ignore them it usually only lasts about 5 mins but if you get in volved it will go on for hours chin up think on the posative side cos they will all ways try ya xxx

Laura - posted on 08/16/2009

5

15

0

My twins will be turning 3 next week and they used to fight over everything! We have learned thru some very hard lessons to just let them fight, it ends things quickly and here lately with less tears. They are worse enemies and best friends all in one! They can fight and push each other, but now that they are getting bigger, heaven help the outsider child who touchs one of the twins cause now they team up and give the other kid a talkin to you can't imagine!

Melissa - posted on 08/16/2009

20

15

0

I am wondering the same thing too! My b/g twins are 2 and here lately they have been fighting so much. My daughter Emily is such a bully. She is so mean to him for no reason. He could be sitting there playing by himself and she will just go up to him and wack him on the head with a book or pull his hair, pinch him, etc. She's awful. Occasionally Cole will do something minor to her but nothing as extreme as what she does to him. I use time out rarely because it doesn't seem to work. I use nice words in a calm voice and tell them to stop hitting or whatever. I have been limiting how much i say no because they obviously weren't learning from it.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms