twins not in same class

Emily - posted on 09/03/2010 ( 57 moms have responded )

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I am really annoyed by the school rules of separating twins into different classes. My boy/girl twins have always done everything together. They spend more time bugging their teachers to see each other than they do concentrating on the class. I wanted them in the same class and they are not dealing well with it. Any advice on how to help them deal better, next year i am switching schools and they will be going to a school that likes to keep twins together. worried about them.

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Tracy - posted on 09/09/2010

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Hi! My identical twins started K this year and we are fortunate to have had the option to choose same or different classes. I am curious if your state has any legislation to help you out that your school may not be aware of...especially if there aren't many multiples in your school. Check out WWW.TWINSLAW.COM for more information on it! We did put our girls in the same class...this is due mainly to my husband being military and we move often (girls are 5 and they have lived in 4 different states). In fact we moved just a couple months before they started K so the friends they had in pre-school aren't with them anymore...so to keep something stable for them we chose to put them in the same class. The teacher doesn't have them seated together so they aren't having any issues and are making different friends. Basically, I believe it comes down to each set of multiples, their family life, and what they need! I also think that the parents should have majority say in what happens with their kids...these basics are all covered in the basic legislation each state has eithe passed, working on, or needs support getting it passed...again it can all be found at Twinslaw.com!

Hope this helps!

Bobbie - posted on 09/06/2010

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I know I insisted on mine staying together this year in school. Mine are in 4K and they really pushed me to switch them as well. I said no way or they stay home. I told them they will stay together till they don't want to any more. If they wish to stay together next year they will and if the school says no I will enroll them at our local private Catholic school here in town. The classes there are small and they have only 1 teacher per grade so they would have to be together there. I have a friend with two sets of twins who sends hers there and the kids do great together. They don't need to be seperated to be there own person. They have been their own person since the day they were born. If they wish to have their twin with them I see no problem with it and I will not let the school tell me other wise.

Monica - posted on 09/04/2010

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By the end of the year I think you might change your mind and see that it was a good idea after all. My twins grew up a lot the first year they were seperated in school. Their personalities really came out and they be came independent. I can assure you, this seperation during the day will not hurt their relationship at home. My girls are very close and they have so much to share about their day, I think it has even made them closer and they have less arguements. Our school changed it's policy last year and now allows twins to be together. They just started 3rd grade and we have decided to keep them apart. They do get to see each other during the day in the halls, pe and sometimes at recess.

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Heather - posted on 09/25/2010

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Wow, I can't imagine putting my children through the stress of all that! I am so sorry that you and your precious children have to go through this! My twins are only two, but we are homeschooling our older boys this year, and I am planning on homeschooling the twins too!

Jessica - posted on 09/25/2010

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Is the twin separation rule iroclad? They don't ever make exceptions for anyone? There should be some kind of an appeals process through the school administration (up to the school board if necessary) to whom you can plead on your children's behalf. Especially if both children are suffering academically by being separated. My twins have been separated since kindergarten (they're in 4th grade now) and I would actually protest if they were to be put in the same class, simply because I want each of them to have the opportunity to shine on their own. Every family and every situation is different, though, and you should be congratulated on advocating for what's right for your family. Good luck!

[deleted account]

I was reading some of the other replies and some of you seem to think that separating them is the best idea if there are developmental or learning delays. It isn't always true. My twins have serious learning delays and we have tried both types of settings, they are now in jr. high so we have had a lot of time to experiment. In our case the separation caused them to revert and was much more detramental to them.
The problem is that each situation is unique, you all know that being moms of twins. Just the difference between identicals and faternals is big. Unfortunately schools make rules and don't consider the individual child or in this children.

[deleted account]

You are the mom don't allow them to be in separate classes. I threatened to home school and got what I wanted.

Danielle - posted on 09/21/2010

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I think that what works for some twins is not always what works for other twins. Same as no two children are alike. Our school (my twins aren't there yet) believes that no two lesson plans are alike. It sounds like it may be helpful for you to be active with the PAC and if you feel strongly against the policy take action to change it. Sit down and right down the pros and cons and the reasons why you feel your children should stick together. I have also seen in school when the school seperated two neighbor girls who were friends into different classes only to move them into the same class 2 weeks after school began. Give them a bit of time to see if they adjust... I know its hard to sit back and wait and see... and then be prepared with ammo to make things work if neccessary. Good Luck

LaShaundra - posted on 09/21/2010

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I have a set of 9 year old boy twins in the 4th grade and they have always been separated until this year. I insisted they be placed in the same grade and it is really working out a lot better for them and for us. You need to speak with the principal and see if arrangements can be made.

Deanna - posted on 09/13/2010

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i know in NY state you have to write a letter to the school of attendence, stating what you want! and they have to ablige!! but i suggest let it go and see...it is only the beging of the year..give it a mounth or two and see how it goes from there!

Deanna - posted on 09/13/2010

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i seperated my twin son's in 3rd grade, depending on your state you dont have to! i live in NY so i had the choice. I feel i did a good thing due to the fact that they are always depending on each other...the school had to make special arangements for them to be in seperate classrooms but right next to each other, and lunch time was together! they are now in 4th grade and are still in classrooms near each other, and lunch time is no longer an issue. they will do better in time.. dont worrY!! lol..i was scared for my boys at first but they have their own personality's let them explore it!!

Shaurette - posted on 09/13/2010

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My twin boys who are now in 3rd grade have been seperated since Kindergarten. I was asked on preference of them staying together or seperate them. I think they are doing much better than if I would have kept them together. They get treated as individuals and have become more independent.

Christine - posted on 09/13/2010

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Having a set of older twins, it is a very good thing for them to be in seperate classes. You might not think so now, but they will be seen more as an individual instead of "twins". They will appreciate it when they are older.

Angel - posted on 09/10/2010

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with my studies, the reason that they split up is because they rely on the comfort of each other, and not focus on learning. One way that I have found that helps, with my cousins at least, is to let them know where each kid will be for there class, and see if the principal will let them each lunch together.

Michelle - posted on 09/10/2010

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I have super super close identical boy twins and in the first grade they were separated, school policy. I talked to school about my concerns and we all agreed if my boys were still having problems after a few months then we would reassess and put them in the same class.

The first month my boys would get off the bus crying and having nightmares at night, but then a month later they were fine. What helped was that they had recess together, speech therapy together, and ended up being in the same math and reading groups. They ended up seeing each other throughout the day so it wasn't so overwhelming.

I now think it was a good idea to separate twins in school that way they can make some of their own friends, have some of their own experiences, and not compete as much with school work and other things.

I would suggest talking to the teachers and the principal to keep on eye on the kids and reassess in a couple of months. Also, find out how often they get to see each other. Sometimes it helped my twins if one twin was lonely to peek in on his brother and then he was fine.

Good luck and hope all goes well.

Cynthia - posted on 09/10/2010

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My identical girls are in separate classes and have been by my request since kindergarten. I believe it helps them to become more independent. They have blossomed so much. They dont rely on each other for every little thing. I say give it a try but if not the school cant deny your request to switch classes.

Amy - posted on 09/10/2010

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I request my twin girls to be in the same class room every year up untill 7th grade, and then they had the same group of teachers just at different times of the day! It made learning, homework and projects sooo much easier with them in the same class room. Our schools wanted to seperate them too, but honored my request!

Joeanne - posted on 09/10/2010

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My boy/girl twins, aged 6 have been in separate classes for 2 years now and they have progressed so much. I chose to separate my twins as my daughter has a stronger character. I wanted my son to stand on his own 2 feet, instead of allowing his sister to do everything for him. Separating them has brought there own individual characters out, my son actually has his own opinion now. They also play better when they come home as they have missed each other. I personally think you have to assess your own children and use other peoples advice as a guild line. What is right for my children may not be right for yours........ Good luck x

Stephanie - posted on 09/10/2010

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Last year my children went to Pre-K and even though they were initially worried about the separation and I was too, I can't tell you what a wonderful improvement I saw in them as a short time had passed. I feel like this is a great time to allow them to know that they are special, both individually and as a team. Twins are blessed with a beautiful connection but I find it most important that they see themselves as individuals. They will not be able to be together forever all the time, school is just a short day separate, that they can share with each other at the end of the day. Seeing mommy feel discouraged about it may be hard on them too if they have heard you comment on it. Either way, it won't take so long for them to adjust and you may find that they are able to enjoy each other more the rest of the time.

I wish you well in your school days and thoughts,

Stephanie

Melissa - posted on 09/10/2010

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as for mine i had boys and i wanted them separated. I think it helped them develop their own identity. they would not associate with any one else in the class so it is what i ask for. They will always be know as the twins sometime later in life that can be trouble for them. I have seen before that the parents keeping them just alike so long they hate each other when they get older. I did not want mine to be just alike although they are identical. now they are almost 15 and you don't mess with one without messing with the other but they are different. there will always be a bond between them but they need the own personality & they need their own friends.

Donna - posted on 09/09/2010

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Someone made a really good point about asking them. I asked my boys before we made the decision...they were very clear-they want their own friends, they don't want to be called by the wrong name. See what they think. And definitely check into the law in your state.

Jovita - posted on 09/09/2010

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I have a set of girls in 1st grade. When I enrolled them in K, last year, the school's policy was to split them up. I told them that I wanted them to be together, they accommodated. I was told that they will go with whatever the parent decides, since they know their child best. They would only adjust, depending on behavioral problems (ie, if they struggle together - separate...if they struggle apart - join them). After K, I was asked by their teacher what I wanted for the next year. I asked her what her opinion was. She felt that they were doing just fine together, so there was no need to separate them. Now that they're in G-1, I can tell that their new teacher would prefer that they be separated, as one is a little shy. I've decided to just work with her at home to help build up her confidence (my kids have distinct personalities already - so no problem w/developing in this area) I have a friend who is a twin, and a teacher - Her suggestion is to keep them together, especially during the earlier year - they need each other emotionally. I've also met a lot of twins in their late teen/early twenties that have suggested to keep them together, until they ask to be separated. Everyone has an opinion, and ultimately, you know your children best. Discuss it with your twins, pray about it and go from there :o)...if the school is not willing to work with you and accommodate your wishes, it may be necessary to pull them out and register them into a school that is willing to work with you on what you feel is best for your family.

Donna - posted on 09/09/2010

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What state are you in?Many states have laws that state that parents have the final say in how their twins are placed.
On another note, we chose to separate our identical boys this year for first grade, and they are making new friends and having a great time. Maybe they can be encouraged to make new friends, see each other at recess, and discuss their day after school.

Rebecca - posted on 09/09/2010

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Well, I haven't read all the replies, but my gut response would be to pull them. I'm not a big fan of public education anyway, and senseless rules are...senseless.

You're the mom and you know the difference between a temper tantrum/manipulation and an emotion issue/trauma. Some kids can handle the separation and some can't. You know better than the school what your kids need. Sorry, in this case YOU are the professional, not the school board. Suggest to the principle that you change schools this year and see what happens. They really do want your kids in their school -- once they see that you are serious, you will probably see results.

Well, that's my opinion -- for what it's worth!!! :^)

[deleted account]

hi there,
i am a sahm with 4 yr old twins...i had thought they do need to be together when starting school. they are in the same preschool class but sit at different tables at the moment. just knowing they are safe, learning and having fun with knowing their sibling is there, in view not joined at the hip, is comforting to me. i am thinking of keeping them together when thy start kindergarten next year. as they get older i am sure they will make their own mind up as their personalities develop, and their classes change, until then its our decision.

Jennie - posted on 09/09/2010

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My daughters were separated at their daycare and they also asked to see each other and are used to it now. I think its better. It shows them who they are individually. I was very upset at 1st, but now I see what they meant all along.

Evelyn - posted on 09/09/2010

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I have b/g twins that have been separated every year with the exception of 3 years (2nd, 5th, & 6th) and they are now in 7th grade. They have enjoyed the years that they were not in the same class! In fact the older they have become the less they want to be in the same class. it gives them a chance to have their own identity since they have spent their life as "one of the twins". The few hours they are separated during the day I think has actually improved their relationship at home. they seem to argue less when they have that break in the day from each other. I am not sure how old your twins are but mine are 12 and even though they might have been inseparable when they were young they are now pre-teens and things have changed!

Christiana - posted on 09/09/2010

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My B/B twins are in 1st grade. Last year was their first year apart and they did great. I was a little worried at first because they had never been separated. It was one thing that I did request because one of my boys wasn't making friends and they would always do each others work. When one didn't know how to do something the other would do it for them and vise versa. So when they started shool one knew his colors and shapes and the other knew his ABC's and 123's. So separating them has helped to push them to do things by theirselves. I know that others have wanted their twins together and the school says lets try it separate and if it doesn't work then we will move one.

Michell - posted on 09/09/2010

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I completely agree with you.. It is extremely annoying especially when there is meetings. Im a single mom and last year my twins had the Mothers Day brunch and it was so hard skipping from class to class. I missed alot in my daughters class and when it was all over each were upset because i missed something.. It was really upsetting

Tracy - posted on 09/09/2010

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For the past 2 years my boys have been separated in class. This year they are together. It has already been trying. They don't have their individuality and they get quite annoyed with one another because they don't have their space. I think having them in separate classes was far better because they learned to have confidence in themselves and not depend on the other for the answers.

Erin - posted on 09/09/2010

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My twins (b/b, now 10) were in preschool together, then I seperated them in Kinder. I think I was more nervous than they were. But they did great! I wanted to try it because I wanted them to further develop their own personalities and get individual attention, rather than always being looked at as "the twins", and being compared to each other in every way. I think people expect twins to be the same in likes and dislikes, academically, etc., and that's just not the case. I've seperated them every year since and it's the best thing for them. You know your kids best, though. I would see how this year goes. It may go well, it may not. If it doesn't you can meet with the principal and teachers in a few months and show them how they're not progressing and they need to be together. Otherwise, this may be a great opportunity for them to grow and to see that they can do well apart. Good Luck!

Dori - posted on 09/09/2010

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I found that it helped my girls develop their individuality. I had one that was a follower and it helped her "blossom". I also got to see the difference in their intelllectual differences, their strengths and weaknesses, so I was able to see what I needed to do to help them over those bumps. They later were placed back together until later in higher grades when they were scheduled differently. But it all worked out, they graduated this past May 9th and 11th in their class and are now in college. Ironically, they room together in college and help each other out by choice in their studies.

Marie - posted on 09/09/2010

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The public school district where I lived had the same rule about separating twins. I was fortunate to be able to send my sons to a small private school. They were in the same class room from Kindergarten through 8th grade. They both did well academically and socially and had no problem developing individual personalities. In high school they shared some classes and the same lunch period but continued to grow into individual personalities. My sons are now 26 and I would not change anything about their school years. Follow your heart and best of luck to you and your twins.

Christina - posted on 09/09/2010

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My girls jut started the 2nd grade. They were in the same class for pre school and that didnt work out too well. But Kinder through now they have been seperated and they are doing great. They have always had their own personalities and been their own person but with them in different classes they are really growing more. They are not always considered "the twins" they are recoginized as Maya and Jasmine now at school. Sometimes they play with eachother durring lunch an recess and sometimes they dont. When they get home they tell eachother how their day was and they seem really happy. I dont see them as being emotionally damaged or anything like that. The first few weeks of Kinder was hard for one of them as she has always been a little more dependent on her sister, she would get mad that her sister didnt play with her or things like that but then she became more and more independent and she is fine now. They share some of the same friends but have a few different ones too. I understand about you being worried about your kids but I think you should give it a little more time. My girls have always done everythng together but I think keeping them in different classes has really been a good experience for them. I just say give them time, I honestly think it will end up being a great thing for them. It will take a lil time a little adjustment but they will be fine.

Kay - posted on 09/09/2010

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Well I have to say my twins have been togeher the hole time this year they decided they wanted to be split up. it is good for them in the log run!! I really didn't want them split but that was there choice i left it up to them this year!!! but it does make it better for both of them..

Rachel - posted on 09/09/2010

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my girls are only one, so i have a ways to go. and i might think differently when the time comes. but i really hope that they dont have the same teacher! i worry that my girls will want to just play with each other and wont have any other friends. i think it is really good for mult. of any kind to be able to have their time apart, and realize that there are others they can be around other than each other. so if i were in your shoes i would give it time. they will get used to the separation over time.

Colleyne - posted on 09/09/2010

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My boy/girl twins are 2 yrs., and have never separated. The school they will attend next year will not separate them until grade one, however, we're ok with this because other parents have told us how teachers have sometimes compared their twins, as they seem to expect them be just alike in all areas, including academics and behavior. Even though our babies are alot alike, we want them to have an opportunity to create their own impression, and set their own standards. However, only you would have any idea what is best for your kids - trust your judgement, you know them best!

Jenny - posted on 09/09/2010

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Its a pity you cant change school now. For me it was always best to have them in the same class.

Karen - posted on 09/09/2010

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Why wait? I'd switch them now if possible before you get any further into the school year. You know your twins better than any school! Don't really have any advice to cope with the situation any better though. My identicals are in the same room this year thankfully. Good luck!

Kristin - posted on 09/09/2010

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I have 5 yr old b/g twins that just entered Kinder. We had the option of keeping them together or separating them this year, but next year they would have to be in separate classes. We chose to go ahead and separate them right off the bat (I figured I didn't have a buddy or sibling going into Kinder with me when I went, so they would adjust and do just fine). They have LOVED it, and we have done nothing but put a very positive spin on it for them - I think that has made a huge difference. They are excited about being on their own and getting attention for who they are individually, and they are getting along great when they get home. We also didn't want them to compare themselves to each other academically or otherwise (the boy started reading at a very young age and the girl is a great little artist) as they do tend to be competitive with one another. We didn't want either of them to have a negative impression of school because they felt they weren't "as good" as the other one. My advice would be to give it a little time...As they get used to it and stop bugging the teacher to see each other, start making their own friends, and start getting some individualized attention you may all find out that it was a really great thing. I am guessing you will start to see them really blossom and their own little personalities really coming out! Good luck!

Kristen - posted on 09/09/2010

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I have had my twins in seperate classes since they were in 2nd grade and that was the best thing I could have done for them!! It forced them to explore new friendships rather than continue to depend on each other! I really think you should give it a try and then if after about half way through the year if its a problem then talk to the principal! Good luck and let me know how that goes!

Mary - posted on 09/09/2010

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You have every right to keep your twins in the same class. Ours are in 3rd grade now and they've been in the same class since pre-school. You need to talk with the Principal and demand it if that's what you feel is best for your twins. Everyone has different opinions on it and only you know what's best for your kids.
Ours are both independent and have different friends, even in the same class. They go their own way.
Eventually, they won't want to be in the same class, but right they do, and I see no issues with development, independence or anything else.

Elaine - posted on 09/09/2010

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As a teacher and a mom of twins I feel that it should be a parents choice however from a teacher's point of view i have had several sets of twins together in my class and separated and it's always better when they are separated. The reason for that is in most cases where they are together there is always one twin that is more responsible and always keeps the other one in check. It's important to let the other twin learn responsibility and to be independent from the other twin. They are together so much that it's important for them to make other friends and to build their personalities, strengths, and deal with their weaknesses as an individual. I am not sure how old your twins are but this is one way you can explain it to them for this year.......that it's important for them to be able to make other friends and to learn responsibility. Also, kids are very bright and they can pick up on so many things. Sometimes when mom or dad is not happy about something they realize it and feel the same way about it too so maybe they know you feel unhappy about them being separated. Just a thought. Hope this helped a little. Just give it some time. They will adjust.....you'll see. Just keep a positive attitude about it.

Angela - posted on 09/09/2010

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Hi Emily:

I have two sets of twins. The first set are girls and the 2nd set a boy/girl combo. Neither have been i the same class. This year however I requested that the 4th graders be placed in the same classroom and my request was honored. I only did this because of the teacher that I love. I honestly feel as if my twins needed to gain their own individualities and that's why I personally like the rule of seperating twins. It has done mine a great service. However you as a parent have a right to request your children be placed in the same class and it should be honored just as long as the classroom can hold them.

Michelle - posted on 09/09/2010

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You are well within your rights to request they be in the same class. It's now a law that the parents choose. Don't let the school tell you otherwise. They always try to separate them! My girls are in the same class this year b/c I requested it. Otherwise they would have separated them. Also, in first grade, there are 2 sets of twins that are staying together.
best of luck.

Pat - posted on 09/09/2010

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i have twin boys at nearly 24 school split them up but lads didnt do any work so put them back in same class.

Sarah - posted on 09/08/2010

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I personally pushed for my twin girls to be separated this year (K) in the hopes of them developing their own personalities and not depending on the other to do for them what they can't, this way they will learn to be self sufficient. They LOVE it, every day they come home and tell me all that they have done and my oldest says that they talk on the bus to each other. Our school normally waits until 2nd grade to separate twins but I said they should be right away. They are right across the hall from one another and get to have recess and lunch together. I do think that they strive for personal time and enjoy this separation more because they are the middle kids of 4 (all born from first birth to last in 30 months). Every situation is different and like some parents have said they and you may decide by the end of the year it was actually good for them. Good luck in whatever you decide.

Barbara - posted on 09/08/2010

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My twins just turn 22 and the best thing they ever did was put my girls in different classes, up until grade 2, one twin talk for the other and they where always seen as one, but when grade 3 came they for some reason they split them up, at first i was mad but slowly i started to see changes in them very positive changes, so i let it happen. It was the best thing ever, they have very different personal and the are best of friend. They are both off doing there schooling, one to be a nurse, the other a teacher and i couldn't be happier. So see how it goes before you decided it's a bad thing.

Penny - posted on 09/08/2010

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My girls were in separate classes from Kindergarten thru second grade. They did fine. I didn't want them to be separated, but it was the best advice ever. We moved and the school they attended until graduated from high school, they were in the same class. I suggested to the teachers every year to put them at opposite ends of the classroom. They have been able to develop their own personalities and their own sets of friends. Now, my girls, are sophomores in college (same one...different rooms/roommates). They are "better" best friends. Don't worry...encourage your twins to make friends. Eventually, one day they will.

[deleted account]

My girls were in the same preschool which worked well for them as it was their first experience being away from me. Their elementary school automatically seperates siblings and I never considered fighting it as I wanted them to have a 'life of their own' so to speak.

Now, they are in the 4th grade. They switch classes for math, reading and science. Since the classes are grouped academically... my girls are now together for those 3 subjects. I HATE it! They have so much togetherness that they never get a break from each other. They are best friends, but have been at each other's throats a LOT since they are no longer getting the break from each other that they so desperately need.

Anyway, all that to say that IMO seperating twins is USUALLY (there are always some exceptions to everything) in their best interest.

[deleted account]

I've also heard that separating twins early can be emotionally damaging and it certainly sounds like that is the case with their school. I would find another school to send them to and then talk to the current school's administration and tell them the twins are either going to be in the same class or you will withdraw them from the school. You have to trust your instincts on what is best for your kids and being in separate classes doesn't sound like the best thing for your kids.

Deborah - posted on 09/05/2010

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wow, i think that's awful! I stated emphatically that my twins were not to be seperated, I've never heard of a school like that! My twins were evaluated by a chld psychologist and she said that seperating twins in early school grades can be damaging emotionally. I hope it gets better for them!

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