ungrateful adult children

I have given everything to them and they don't appreciate it all.I never hit them. I was a way better parent than my parents. My son communicates to me through his wife. I did some snooping on his phone,He resents me because I sent him to a strict religious military boarding school. My daughter can't do anything right or take care of herself.She has accused the pastor of my church and my late husband of horrible things.She must be lying. I tried to have her commited but they found nothing wrong with her.My grandkids don't like to visit me because I yell at her so much. Even my mother takes her side.