10 year old daughter with bad attitude

Suky - posted on 10/13/2011 ( 4 moms have responded )




We are getting desperate with our 10 year old daughter. As she gets older, she gets worse. The problem is that she doesn't seem to care about anything or anyone around her and has no idea about how to behave. She doesn't flush the loo, leaves blood and mess wherever it lands, leaves her toys , books, jewellery, money everything all over the place and has an attitude that makes my hair curl. Her personal hygiene is scary despite us setting her a constant example and making it a fun exercise and trying to stress to her that she will get a bad reputation if she smells. I have refused to tidy up after her trail of destruction now for about 2 years and instead I nag her to tidy up. If she wants to watch TV, I have to ensure she's tidied up first. This last week she's been under punishment because she lied to me and her father but instead of improving her attitude and behaviour, she's getting worse. My husband is not a patient man and I'm afraid that he's do something drastic to end this behaviour, like send her away to boarding school. If anyone has any advice, please help us. We've tried punishment, ignoring her behaviour, working along-side her, praise for any little thing and now we're looking for other ideas as nothing has worked so far. I'm really worried that things are going to get worse and that she'll end up hating us and visa versa.


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Suky - posted on 10/14/2011




Thank you all for your advice - all very different! I should have mentioned that we live in Italy and that I have already spoken to a child psychiatrist and other mums who all say that all kids are like that. Maybe Italian kids are but I don't want mine to behave like that! I think I will probably try sending her to have a chat with a friend of mine who my daughter likes and try to get them to thrash it out.

In the meantime, I spoke to my daughter again last night and tried to lay it out for her; that things will get a lot worse for her unless she makes an effort. She didn't want to talk to me, obviously because she knows she's in the wrong, but in the end we managed to make a kind of peace.

She started her periods in the summer and I'm sure this hasn't helped the situation. She also doesn't want to talk about that either but I just slip in comments in passing to get around that one! She is also probably jealous of her younger brother who has CP so gets a lot more attention and help than she does so this is probably a major contribution.

Whatever the reason, she needs to improve and I'm glad to hear your replies that confirm that there is a problem, other than "she's still young" from everyone around me. If nothing can be resolved, I'll have to consider taking her to the UK for a consultation with a psychiatrist but I don't really want to get to that stage but at least it's an option.

Rita - posted on 10/13/2011




Boot Camp...... My grandson went and he has turn around 24/7..grades up and all that good stuff..

Denikka - posted on 10/13/2011




Boarding school or military school might not be such a bad idea. Kids are a lot more likely to listen to someone outside of their family. She may need the rigid structure that cannot be provided in the home.
Before that though, I would suggest taking her in to see a professional. Explain what's going on with her, about her behavior and lack of hygiene etc. There may be something underlying that you're currently unaware of.
I would suggest that you and your husband go separately and together (with her, and with each other). Obviously, something you're doing is not working. This isn't a problem with HER, this is a family problem. Not to say you are doing anything wrong, just not right for this particular child. A professional may be able to see things that you can't.

Even if you do choose to send her away to a school, I would still suggest counseling for you and your hubby. You need different tools to deal with your daughter and a counselor that specializes in problem children will be able to help with that.
A school may fix the problem for the time being, but a whole life overhaul is needed to sustain those changes. Just like an addict may do well in a treatment center, if the home environment doesn't change, as soon as they get out, old habits will emerge.
Good luck with your girl :)

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