11yr old son wants to meet his father in prison

Amber - posted on 06/16/2015 ( 2 moms have responded )




So My exhusband, (also my son's biological father) is in prison. He got 15 years for assault and battery with intent to kill (basically attempted murder), and 10 years for kidnapping me when I was 7 and a half months pregnant with my son. He was abusive the entire time we were married, and I was young and stupid. I stayed gone when he almost took my life as well as the life of my son when he was in my stomach. This was not the first time he attempted to kill us, but this time he almost suceeded. I say us because I was pregnant with my son. I ended up in the hospital and the doctors said it was a miracle I survived. There was no medical reason for me to be alive. But we survived. I have birth to an amazing son of whom I am so proud. I always say my son saved my life. There was years of court hearings. It took 2 years for my x husband to actually be sentenced. Also I forgot to mention that my x husband was a minister, but he would use that for power, and control to manipulate and justify him beating me and raping me. My son is now 11 and he has never met his father. He is begging me and begging me to meet his father on his 12th birthday. My x is still in prision so physically it would be a safe place to visit him. However I don't find any safety mentally ,emotionally or anything else!! I know son us curious, and I know it is only natural for him to want to meet his father. I would never be angry with my son for that, but I have spent the past 11 years keeping my son safe! My son also kept safe because he gave me a reason to fight for my life and leave that abusive situation and face that man in court. Even though I was scared out of my mind, it wasn't about me anymore, it was about son, and protecting him, and making sure that he would never have to grow up in that kind of enviroment, and because of that I am no longer a victim, but a victor!! A domestic abuse survivor, but my son is still a victim emotionally. He struggles, cries himself to sleep, he's starting puberty and trying to figure out who he is as a man. He has a good male romodel in my dad, and is also involved in scouts. But he wants me to take him on his 12th birthday to meet his dad. I had a talk with my son tonight, and asked him what does he hope the outcome would be if he got to meet his dad. He said he wants a relationship with his dad and a father, son bond, and maybe they can be close. That scares the shit out of me. I told him that that was absolutely normal for him to want a relationship with his dad, and I would never be angry with him for wanting that, however it is not safe. I thought at first maybe it was just out of curiosity, but it's deeper than that. He is yearning to have a dad, and I think also to identify with his dad because I think he's trying to figure out who he is as a man. He is surrounded by women. He mentions that a lot which is why I got him involved in boy scouts and like I said, he has a good relationship with his grandpa (my dad). I don't know. I'm sick to my stomach and scared. What do you guys think about me letting him meet his dad in prison at his age? Also my son has ashburgers and is super book smart and intelegent, but emotionally a little immature for his age. I don't want Isaac to hate me or resent me in the future because I didn't let hom wet his dad, however I think he is too young, but this could be his father's last year in prison. His 85% of his time will be finished in February 2016, and he will be up for parole. I will be there to testify to ask the courts to keep him in prison. I am scared of this man, and do not want him to hurt my son or me when he gets out. The only reason I was even think ming about letting my son meet his father is because at least now it could be in a setting where there is guards and a glass wall to protect us. Please let me know what you think.


View replies by

Michelle - posted on 06/17/2015




I would be wary as well. I'm guessing that your ex doesn't know what your son looks like. It's probably best to keep it that way.
I'm usually all for children having a relationship with their Father but I don't think this is right in your situation.
I'm also hoping that your ex has no way of finding you when he gets out, just for your own safety.

MaryAnn - posted on 06/16/2015




Up for parole soon? :S if it were me, I'd give a hard no. Its easy for children to believe they are a product of their parents. It might be a good idea to talk about how we are actually a product of love, and care, and our own hard work brings us to our future.
I would clarify, not necessarily what specifically happened... but that your love and care means that you will do what it takes to make sure that he is not exposed to violent criminals. For now, its best to work hard to make real the potential we have, and visiting a prison is, frankly, not the way to do it.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms