15 with a challenging girlfriend

Vospie - posted on 06/02/2015 ( 1 mom has responded )




My son is 15 and has been seeing a girl for the past few months. We were fine with him having a girlfriend - we know he's always wanted one, but that's the problem. He is constantly on social media to her and we've come to realise that it is a little fractious between them at times. She has bipolar in her family, he seems a bit clingy and their both teens. He recently smashed up his phone after an argument with her and admitted to self-harming because of issues with her. We thought he was a well-rounded, sensible boy but these revelations have shown us it might not be the case. We want him to know rein some of that love interest in and it is creating problems in the family. He does well at school and gets on well with people but we think he is too young to be having an intense relationship and it might affect his education next year, who knows. What should we do?


Cynthia - posted on 06/03/2015




Trying to break them apart will only make him cling to her more, so I would suggest steering clear of that.

Perhaps having him talk to a counselor will help, since he is self-harming. There are symptoms here that cannot be ignored without possible dire consequences later on. Having had a friend in high school that committed suicide because of a boyfriend (this was 23 years ago, way before technology took over completely), I do not think that you should ignore these signs.

But, please keep in your heart and mind that this girl is probably suffering her own battles as well. Having lived with a friend with rapid-cycling bipolar with narcissistic rage, they are not always in control of what they are doing when they are doing it and feel very guilty afterwards, which is another reason to lash-out, causing an unending cycle. They know what they are doing, but they are unable to stop it. And if she hasn't been diagnosed yet, but is living with other family members that do have it, trust me when I say that she is battling her own war every day and she and your boy will both need your support.

Perhaps that is the answer... instead of trying to keep them apart, try to bring her in and show her support so that she feels like she isn't always alone and perhaps that will help them both - and bonus points in the Karma category for reaching out to someone in need - even when that person seems like they are the problem.

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