15 year old coming up the that sex age!!!!

Wendy - posted on 03/30/2012 ( 5 moms have responded )




What do I look for with my 15 year old that he maybe coming to that age of having sex. I have found nude plaing cards in his room and his father has found that our son was on the internet looking at porn sites, that he got from other kids in his school. I want to take the sit down and lets have a conversation with him, BUT his father just starts yelling at him.


Krista - posted on 03/31/2012




Keep talking to him, and tell your husband to back off and stop lecturing. Your son is probably embarrassed to be talking about this with his mom, which is why he shuts down. I would recommend getting a good, comprehensive book about sexual health, give it to him, and then when you're in his room, you can just sort of leaf through it and go, "Hmm...you know, a lot of people don't realize that (fill in a fact found in the book). Did you know that?" Just keep it sort of casual and light, and acknowledge that you know this is embarrassing for him, but that you just want to make sure that he has the knowledge he needs in order to stay healthy.

It's a damn shame your husband can't use that same approach -- it's usually easier for boys to have these talks with their fathers.

If he still shuts down, does he have an uncle or friend of the family who he trusts and likes? Sometimes kids find it a lot easier to talk to a non-parent about these things. My mom was a nurse, and very open, but my sister and I always found it easier to talk with our grandmother about boys and love and sex (hey, what can I say, Nanny was cool!). I think it was because we weren't scared that we might get in trouble for anything we admitted.

Jodi - posted on 03/30/2012




OK, I am assuming that you have had a comprehensive talk with him at some point about sex, safe sex, responsible choices, etc? Does he know about the various contraception options? Does he understand that there are consequences and responsibilities when having sex? Does he have a total understanding of STD's? Have you talked to him about pornography not being a realistic situation? Have you discussed the issue of sex, respect and emotional responsibility?

My son is 14 1/2, and ALL of these things are an ongoing conversation in our house. Make them an ongoing conversation in yours. Whenever the topic happens to come up (even on a current affairs show or the news, or whatever movie you may watch), use it as a teaching opportunity. Open the doors for him to ask questions if he doesn't understand. Your husband is wrong to yell at him. It is normal for a teenage boy to be curious and it is important to understand that communicating with them respectfully about these issues will be more likely to achieve the result of an open and honest discussion.


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Wendy - posted on 03/31/2012




Thank you Jodi - My first child was a girl and I did not have to deal with this in a way, still had to have the talk with her. But I think with boys, it is a little different, their minds are different than girls. My son it quick to say I know, and I thin it is to shut me up, cause he just got a lecture from his father. I do not lecture to him, I sit on the floor in his room next to him and try and have a calm conversation with him. I will keep in mind what you said - it is very helpful! Thank you and have a great weekend!

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