16 yr old teen boy with agressive girlfriend. Need thoughts and advice

Kelly - posted on 01/13/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )

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17 year old son has a girlfriend that hound him for sex they have been together for almost 1 year and she lives with her grandma . Her mother had her the summer before her senior year . I've read some text messages that she flat out says ; you always say you will then you don't, I shouldn't have to beg for it, it will make us closer like it did in the past , there is nothing to worry about(  by she is on the pill because she has endometriosis ) because that's why I'm on the pill  and you always pulls out before you are finished and the condoms with the tips don't break ect....  Pure manipulation on her part . If this was a guy saying it to a girl he would be considered pathetic . I gather they had sex in the past but he stopped , he is obviosly scared i dont think it has happened since mid september once we found out through her grandma there were condoms in her room we told him he couldnt be alone with her anymore had many long talks about all the consequences but never directly let him know that we knew about the condoms but I'm sure he figured it out . She has suggested they be alone when her grandma is at church , or when she is on the phone and they can hear her then it's safe on and on and on. He just keeps staving her off . She knows the rules about being at her house with him alone when gma is not there . So gma had a date the other night which I knew about in advance . I made up a reason to go to dinner and a mall out of town, he was excited and asked if she could come I said yes of course . Then on the actual day he started saying he didn't want to go he had a bad day at school, but I could still,go I said no he stammered and wanted to know why I said because we're not leaving you alone he accused me of babysitting him , I think at this point he knew I knew her house was open all night . I made dinner and the younger kid said sphe wanted to gomto the place we had talked about and insaid we couldnt the older one said ya we could have still went and my husband reiterated that he wasnt going to be left alone with her at our house - somtheynwere told twice . Then he said they were going tomthe gym and left in his jeans didn't change to gym clothes. I ended up checking up on them and they were just where I thought they would be - her house . My husband texted him and told him to get home and he was home in about 5 mins and went straight to his room, he came out and said he had a bad day and just went to drive around but was angry and didn't think it was good to drive so they went there. I call total bs on that story that was her plan the whole time. She of course waited till grandma got home and told on herself and swears they weren't doing anything . I'm so pissed that he did this  and grandma believes her . I have eluded to what I have read in past text messages she tells me that I could be reading  into it wrong - of course I don't tell her verbatim because imdont want to embarrass her . I have asked her repeatedly to not tell her when she leaves all the info like when she will be back. She feels this is being dishonest and won't lie- I think omitting details like I will be back at 9pm is not lying I think this girl needs to be on a need to know basis she feels if she just tells her no company she will obey.  The whole deal for her living with grandma was to finish her high school education but here we are at the end of the first semester her jr year and she will be getting no credits well if she is lucky maybe she will get a d or two but at profess half way through she had all Fs . Her mother who is 34 moved away with her abusive step dad and her 5 younger siblings. I don't like what is going on I do feel it's not her fault she came from a family like this BUT I am really afraid for my son . Even if she dosent end up pregnant where does this go? Gma says she has one more  year left - thinking at the end of her senior year she is done  raising her? and then what? I informed her my son was going to college or living at home and going to community  college for 2 years and then going off to college .

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Kelly - posted on 01/13/2013

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Ariana that's an interesting point of view. I don't think that i set them up her house has been empty before except this time she actually told the GD that she was leaving town. She knows the rules and they do knowher and I communicate. It was their choice not too to go the gym and sneak over there. ever since I read the messag they have been here every nite as some of the messages refered to things they were doing in her room with GM home she has a rule about the door wing all,the way open but they lay in the dark watching TV and GM says she gets mad if she is asked to open it more than a few inches . So after finding this out imoulled the plug and made my house super inviting they are with us 90percent of the ti I have been nothing but nice to this girl even taking her school,shopping and spending 400 dollars on clothes and she is included in everything we do. It just bothers me that she basically bully's him for sex .

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