17 Year old Daughter thinks she knows it all

Missie - posted on 07/06/2014 ( 4 moms have responded )




My 17 year old daughter literally hates me. Right now she wants to move out and in with her boyfriend and his family. She will do nothing that is asked of her and when you do ask her to do something even something as simple as dishes, she gets this really bad attitude, states loudly and clearly that it isn't her job, pouts, slams what few dishes she does and someone else ends up doing them anyway. She will sit and watch other people do things and not lift a finger and when you say something then you are automatically "abusing" her somehow. She does not communicate with anyone in the house and when she does say something it is usually only to yell at her little brothers (who are 5 and 4) whom she is always telling how much she doesn't like them. Bottom line is I'm tired of arguing and I am at my wits end with how to handle her. I've done it all from take away computers, phones and restrict where she goes or what she does. Nothing gets through. She is doing things on the computer that she thinks i can't or won't see (yes sexting is one of those things) and when i do something about it, I'm invading her privacy, I'm mean and overly cruel because i took the computer and won't give it back. I'm abusing her because i say no and force her to earn those things back by earning trust. She has broke my trust again by going back to the same boy and sending those types of texts again (this boy is not the boyfriend either) yet when she comes in today and discovers no computer i know it will end in a fight. I know she is not mature enough to move out but she has convinced the boyfriend and his family that if she doesn't get out of here that she will commit suicide, I know she won't that it is a manipulation tactic and yes i realize she needs help but she won't allow me to do it, if i do i am "forcing her" and it obviously won't do any good if she feels that way. I just do not know what to do anymore, she is impossible,


Guest - posted on 07/06/2014




I agree with Evelyn.
I would donate the computer and tell her that if she will not follow your rules of use, she can buy her own. Also, if you pay for the phone, I would disconnect that as well and tell her she can have one when she can pay for it or she can earn the privilege of using one of YOUR phones (Your's because you pay for it, even if she uses it all the time), by following the rules you set forth and earning payment for the bill by doing her chores and helping around the house. If you are paying for the phone, or the computer she uses, she doesn't have any "right to privacy" unless you decide to give it to her. If she wants privacy, she needs to earn it by creating her own private spaces--buying her own computer, buying her own phone, buying her own apartment, etc.

At 17, I don't think you can legally keep her from moving out of your house. I would sit down with her and tell her all of the benefits she receives by living with you--free place to sleep, free food, free clothes (if you still buy any of her clothes and such), free personal care items if you buy those, access to a family computer, possibly access to a phone if she agrees to follow your rules, etc. Then tell her that she can go if she wants to, but she will be giving up all of those rights and will need to provide for herself. The boyfriend's family will probably put up with her for a little while, but then they will get annoyed, or she will have a fight with him, or he will catch her sexting the other guy, and it will all crash down on her. Then she will be forced to come back and live by your rules, or set out on her own. All you can do is wait and be there when she comes back.

Ev - posted on 07/06/2014




You need to stick to your guns so to speak. She sounds like she expects everything to revolve around her. She will not get a wake up call now she will when she goes on her own and does the same thing to other people who won't stand for it such as co-workers, bosses, other students, just in public. I would not give back the computer, phone, and anything else until she either realizes that she has to earn it or until she gets her own job and can pay for all of it.


View replies by

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms