18 year old daughter sexuality

Paula - posted on 12/29/2017 ( 10 moms have responded )




My 18 year old daughter who started college this year is on a softball scholarship and is doing very well. Her room mate is also a softball player and is gay. My daughter has had a boyfriend for 2 year get along great. She out of the blue tells me they are having problems a week later she is breaking up with him. We were all very sad. She is home on break and I see things going on that I guess I never paid much attention to before because she had a boyfriend, and let's face it kids are just more accepting and open about things now. So seeing a pic of her and her room mate together didn't send up any flags for me. During this break she is always on the phone with her room mate. Now these pictures I've seen on social media that this room mate has posted of my daughter and her I'm questioning what is going on. Did she break up with her boyfriend because of her room mate. I have asked she a few time about it and she just saying nothing us going on and I promise I would tell you. I just want her to talk to me. Is this room mate pressuring her? Is something making her question her sexuality? We have always been very supporting parents and that would not change if this is what she wants. In just want her to talk to me about it.


Michelle - posted on 12/29/2017




I would stop worrying about it.
There's nothing you can do and the more you ask her the more she's not going to tell you.
I know plenty of friends who have been married and had children then ended up in a lesbian relationship. There is no big deal so stop asking her about it. She will tell you when she feels the time is right.

Beth - posted on 05/29/2018




Paula -
I understand and sympathize with your concerns here. Despite a lot of recent progress, there is still a lot of stigma attached to lesbian and bi women, and I'm not surprised its not something you'd wish for her. But there are a couple of points I would offer for your consideration:
- Your daughter is 18 and out of the house. In my state, she can choose to marry without permission. I short, while I'm sure it's hard for you to see it, she's legally and pretty much actually, an adult woman.
- She's at college and meeting lots of new people. If she's playing softball, it's no surprise she's met a lesbian, but it wouldn't be a surprise regardless of what she's doing.
- She is undoubtedly questioning her sexuality. Even if she's resolutely in the "straight" camp, she's out of the house, on her own, and facing her own set of questions about how to act, and what relationships she wants. I don't think you can change, or even effect this much. I'm sure you raised her well. Now you have to let her spread her wings and mold her life. You can be there to help if asked, but you have to have faith that "she has it".
- She broke up with her high school boyfriend. I expect 98% of women graduating high school and going to college do that. I did. My boyfriend and I left high school to different worlds. The relationship just didn't work anymore.
- She might be gay. There are (much) worse things. Love her and be there for her. You won't lose her. She's busy creating your "return on investment".

We're thinking of you


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Summer - posted on 12/30/2017




As hard as it may be, you need to not pressure her anymore about it. She is 18, and although under your roof maybe, and you may still pay some of her expenses...things like this are her decision...be it boyfriend or girlfriend. My oldest daughter is interested in other girls and has a girlfriend (I am bi myself just so you know where I am coming from).

Look at it this way, and I seriously don't mean it jokingly, if something is going on, at least she is not going to get pregnant if you are not aware.

You will find though, the less you pressure the more she will openly share. Just recently an experience with my own daughter taught me that valuable lesson.

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