18 year old daughter willing alter her life for boyfriend

Karie - posted on 10/26/2015 ( 1 mom has responded )




My daughter has been excited to start college at her choice school. Now 1.5 months into the school year her 17 year old boyfriend (who has signed up for the military) wants her to leave her school and move in with him after basic training - next November (2016 - no one knows where he will be stationed yet).
My daughter is very compassionate and accommodating - she has always struggled with saying the word 'no'. I feel she is in a situation where she cannot tell him 'no' or try to compromise on a solution. She told me that it is OK, she can change her plans and school, etc. But I don't think she should have too.
I had done the same thing she is doing - I gave up my everything for my boyfriend at the time (her father). And all I see is regret coming her way.
I know she is 18 and it is really up to her - but I feel utterly let down, that she will not try to compromise with him and wait till she graduates to move in (which will be anywhere in the US). I fear she will not complete college and when/if they split up she will have nothing to fall back on.
I know I just have to be their to pick up any pieces - but it is a terrible feeling watching your child go down the same path you did (and no way to stop it).


Raye - posted on 10/26/2015




Well, you seem to already know she is an adult and can make her own decisions. All you can do is to relay your own experiences to her to show how risky that decision is, and stress to her that she should use birth control until the relationship is more stable so she doesn't make her situation harder by having an unplanned pregnancy. Let her know you are there for her, but that you are disappointed that she would risk her future (don't blame the BF). It is so hard when we see our kids make decisions that could be big mistakes. Just hope that it turns out better than expected, and help her pick up the pieces if it doesn't.

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