1st time step mom to 14yo.boy

Kelly - posted on 06/06/2016 ( 2 moms have responded )




Eeek...I am a soon to be full time step mom to a 14 year old boy..my husband's bio. son who has resided since birth many, many states away...I have known him since he was 5 & was never given the chance to bond with him..Now at 14, he wants to move to a totally different environment & try high school as a Freshman-Senior year with us..No other children in our home..I am a nanny by career, however never raised a teenager..Any tips?


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Michelle - posted on 06/09/2016




There are so many things to consider but without knowing the whole background it's hard to be specific to you.
Some general tips would be to sit down with your husband and make sure you are both on the same page with rules and consequences. Even when your step son arrives, sit down as a family and explain the house rules to him.
Don't try and discipline him straight away, we don't know what sort of house he has come from but if he has been allowed a bit more freedom than you want then it will be a big transition for him.
The biggest thing would be to make sure the communication is there for all of you. Talk to him about how he is going in the new school (once he's settled in a bit) and get him to trust you. Respect (in my opinion) is earned so you need to tread carefully to start off with. If you don't he will get his back up and you will get the "You're not my Mom" line thrown at you often. It's hard to get back from that.
I have a 14yo that is mine and my husband has been around him since he was 4 so they have built a close bond. It's so much harder getting through to teens. Even now my son gets in moods and will barely talk to us. Don't take it personally though but keep letting him know that you are there if he needs to talk.

Etta - posted on 06/08/2016




Wow! Having a child in the home at any age changes the dynamics and an adolescent will be a challenge. Make sure you and his dad establish what your role, limits and expectations are BEFORE the son arrives. It is important that the two of you are on the same page and that the husband supports you in any decisions you make.
Remember this boy has not had much time with his father so you might have to give up some couple time for that to happen.Expect change, stay flexible. This will be a hard time for the son as well as he moves from his friends and the routine and rules he is used to. Often the divorced parents have completely different methods of discipline so son should be advised of expectations, rules etc. when he arrives.
You have a chance to give and receive love and respect from this young man as you and hubby stay strong as a team being a positive influence in his life.
You are step-mom first and then friend. Take one day at a time and give yourself grace, as you have never done this before...

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