2 Year old with Anger Problems??

Anntesha - posted on 06/04/2010 ( 11 moms have responded )




Ok so my son is 2 years old and has anger problems and its not just the normal terrible 2's It has gotten beyond that. I can't take him around his cousins because he's always hitting them for no reason and he does the same thing to his little brother who's 1. I just don't know what to do any more. I have tried everything (as in punishing him) from trying to talk to him and let him know his behavior is not okay, time out, taking away the things he likes, and even spanking him but he is just not understanding. I have asked his pediatrician and he recommended a behavioral counselor but everyone is telling me he's just a 2 year old boy doing normal 2 year old things. He has even hit me and if he doesn't get his way he will turn off the tv's and lights until he does. please help i feel like I'm going through this by myself and any advice will help thanks ♥


Debbie - posted on 06/10/2010




OK. My eldest son was the same. He would hit, bite, punch or kick my husband and myself, and also our new baby when he was born. Everyone would say to me that he was "just being a boy", but I really felt that it was more than that. And you need to have a child like it to fully understand it. Yes, every child is like it to some degree, but not ALL THE TIME. We had other issues as well, such as self harm (head banging, biting and pinching himself), complete hyperactivity (he would never ever wear out, and the more tired he got, the more energy he got), he didn't like to eat as it meant sitting still, and he felt no pain, just to name a few things. I kept on asking medical people about him from the age of 18 mths, but was brushed off every time. I finally got someone to listen to me a year later, and he was then diagnosed with ADHD and ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder). The ASD floored me! How could he have autism? He talked well (above average for his age, actually), his motor skills, both fine and gross, were very good, But the more research I've done, I've discovered that he has what's classed as high functioning autism. He's just turned 3 now, and we have made some major improvements already. He's started early intervention, and we're also seeing a naturopath who has changed his diet (he's now gluten and casein free), and that has made the most amazing changes to him. His personality is still the same, but the violence and aggression has almost gone, he's not quite so hyperactive (though he's still hyperactive compared to a "normal" child), and he can now sit and focus on things for 5 or 10 mnutes, where it used to be 5 or 10 seconds.

Why have I told you all this??? I just want you to know that you're not on your own, and that maybe, just maybe, it's not just your child "being a boy". A mother will always know if there is a problem, so if you think this could be an issue, I would recommend pushing and pushing until you get someone to listen to you. Mine person that listened was the child and family health nurse. She got me to complete a questionnaire, and the results were such that it got us into the system so that he got diagnosed.

I don't want to scare you, but listen to your heart here. Only you will know if your child is behaving like other kids his age, or if it's something more.

Good luck.

Shandrell - posted on 08/13/2011




I have twin boys that are 2 1/2. I know how you feel. My son doubled up his fist and punched me in the face for telling him no. The littlest thing set them off. If they don't get their way they come up to me and scream. I have tried the whole taking things away time out and anything else family and friends told me to try. I'm at my wits end. I'm taking them to their doctor to see if they have an anger issue or something. They haven't been raised around any fighting so I don't really understand whats going on.

Courtney - posted on 06/09/2010




my 2 year old boy done the same thing but now he is 3 and i can honestly say he grew out of it i do think it is a stage that they go through some are just diffrent to others.

[deleted account]

My experience, and what I've read from books, is that 2 year olds just don't have much impulse control.

Once I stopped putting as much energy into punishment/reward, and instead directed my efforts to prevention (avoid situations where he might be more likely to hit, avoid hunger etc) & distraction I had much better successes.

Your child is not bad. Even if he was - he's yours and you love him :)

Hope things improve for you :)

Cheryl - posted on 06/09/2010




I do too!! I do wish you luck..I had one too, that walked at 8 months and when he did he ran!! he used to bite and hit and would get all worked up if anyone played with his toys! He was born that way too.. it is called a strong willed child.. there are some books out there I think.. it is just very tiring to have a child like that.. and always feeling like you have to protect the younger one from the older! You have to do some type of discipline, if you don't spank, then stick strictly to time outs, in the corner, in his room, whatever.. then stick to it.. they don't like missing out on things! The really need for us to be consistent as much as possible. Only try not to lose your temper.. e very calm and talk in a low voice, even if you are furious!! Hang in there.. oh for the potty training,, buy him some big boy under wear.. good luck keep us posted!!

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Kyleigh - posted on 08/13/2011




i tend to re direct my 19month DD's behavior just give her something that makes her happy or is interesting.

Anntesha - posted on 06/09/2010




His dad is in his life but when he's with him he lets him get away with alot. I have talked to him and told him he has to be on my side and stick with the rules I set but it doesn't get thru to him. I was working but recentley got laid off so now I really see how bad it has gotten being around him 24/7. I have set a schedule and read and cuddle everything I have tried but it doesn't work. What I mean by feeling alone is I feel like I;m the only one going thru this. He is very stubborn and it might sound weird but he was born that way. I remember him as a 8 month old he was walking by then and he would just hit his cousins for no reason and if they were playing with something he would knock it over or take it just to be mean. I'm gonna try the sticker chart as Marcy suggested in hopes that it help with his behavior as well as potty training. I am also looking into swimming classes and art classes to keep him busy and so that can be something he does special with out his brother. wish me luck I hope it works

Cheryl - posted on 06/04/2010




I feel for you I really do! I had one like yours. The key I see is your phrase.. he will turn off the tv's and lights until he does(get his way). You can't let him get his way.. he has figured out how far he can push you til you give in.. this one is crying out for limits.. they really do want it. and it is harder when there is only one parent because it wears you down. I am going to think about this some more.. back soon..hang in there! you said you feel like you are going thru this alone, but is there a dad in the picture? Do you work during the day or stay at home?? It could be that he is feeling like the 1 yr old is getting more attention, and feels left out..and gets attention by being bad. If you are at home you can try some of the things I see suggested..praising the good behavior, etc. Having small children is very hard and more so when they are close together like yours.. you get tired and worn down all the time..they are non stop..make sure you get as much sleep as possible. Try to work on a schedule or routine to your day.. have positive story and cuddle times and just times of making a big deal about how great it is that he is a big brother now and how big a helper he is(or can be) just find any little things you can to praise and build from there..I am sure the hitting, etc is reaction to being displaced as the baby by his brother!!

Marcy - posted on 06/04/2010




Have you tried a sticker chart with him or some other type of reward chart? Make sure its easy since he is only 2 years old. Perhaps go to the 99 cent store or someplace where you can buy inexpensive gifts. During the day give him stickers to put on his chart when he is behaving. After a few days let him pick out a prize or something.

In regards to your family labeling him as "bad" you need to chat with them and tell them to please not make it worse.

Kiddos that age want to feel special and important. its so hard to see the world through their eyes. My son is almost 4 years old and he has gone through a whole hitting phase for the past 4 months. We just take it day by day, praise the good and try and correct and redirect the negative....

Anntesha - posted on 06/04/2010




I was thinking he was jealous because he has started trying to act like a baby and if his brother cry's he wines too. I have tried to reinforce his positive behaviors but then he starts acting up once i put my guard down. To me it also doesn't help that everyone he's around like his aunts gma ect. they label him as bad right away. Thank you for you feed back it does help.

Melany - posted on 06/04/2010




He may be having the double whammy of being two and having the baby brother which can cause some jealousy and misbehavior. Have you tried to reinforce his positive behaviors? Sometimes we get caught up in the bad ones that we forget to praise them when they are doing good things. I think we all struggle with kids and discipline. Hope this helps some.

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