21 year old pregnant and not married

Joni - posted on 10/12/2013 ( 8 moms have responded )




My 21 year old daughter has just told us that she is pregnant. She is attending college and her boyfriend is standing beside her. My first initial reaction was like I was kicked in the gut. I need advice on how to move forward and deal with this with my daughter. I am a believer and believe that things happen for a reason. Just not sure what the reason is.


Anice - posted on 10/15/2013




I was 23 when I feel pregnant with my elder son. I wasn't in love with his father who was 20, and just out of college, in fact I was madly in love with someone else. So your daughter is probably in a better position than I was, and certainly in a better position that my sons father! And my son has turned out perfectly fine. Brilliantly in fact.

What you need to accept is that your daughter is an adult and perfectly capable of making her own decisions and therefore dealing with the consequences. As long as your grandchild has a parent that loves them (you only actually need one, I only had one) it will be perfectly fine. Be happy! You're going to be a grandmother!

Gena - posted on 10/13/2013




First of all congratulations you are going to be a grandmom.I had my son when i was 21but i was married before.My thoughts on this is that i know alot of couples that have children without beeing married and it works out fine.My Aunty for example has been living with the father of her child for almost 17 years without beeing married.To be honost my grandfather had a problem with it 14years ago when their son was born.But its their decision about getting married. Some people dont believe in marriage or its not so important to them.I respect that. That doesnt make them bad parents. I find it great that her boyfriend is there for her and just show her how much you love her and help her.Things do happen for a reason and a little life is a blessing. Good luck and who knows,maybe they will eventualy get married and if not its also not a problem.The main thing is the baby has loving parents that take care of the baby and give him/her all it needs.

Ev - posted on 10/12/2013




Joni, I have been the daughter in this situation and also have had a daughter in this situation. THe only difference is that both me and my daughter did get married. We were both adults and parents had to learn to deal with it. We made our choices and had to live with them. I am a grandmother of an almost two year old and about to be a grandmother again in the spring sometime. Be open about this with your daughter. Talk to her and let her know that you love her. Do not do anything that will push her away from you for a time frame only to loose out on that grandchild. Be glad that her BF is with her. Unlike my daughter, my niece is expecting her first child, at odds with her mother all the time, lives with her BF and his family and lives off them, she has no clue what is going to happen once that baby arrives and is in a big mess. But she is also an adult and has to make due with her choices.


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Michelle - posted on 10/12/2013




I think you need to stop worrying about her not being married. You need to accept that you are going to be a Grand Mother and your actions will determine how close you will be to your Grandchild.
If you go on to your daughter about not being married she will push you away. She's an adult and can make her own life choices. As a Mother you have to have faith that your brought her up well enough to make god choices. Having a baby out of wedlock isn't a bad choice by the way, it's just something you probably wouldn't have done. Doesn't mean it's right or wrong.

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