23 year old son with aspergers and now an alcohol problem. HELP!

Betty - posted on 09/11/2016 ( 3 moms have responded )




I need some support here. I'm going crazy with not knowing what to do. He has now started a community college program in IT and is working, but the alocohol problem is getting worse and worse. It happens after work in his room or just before he gets home. He is fine the next day, just like nothing ever happened.


Elaine - posted on 09/13/2016




Hi Betty,
This is a tough situation. At 23, you do not have a lot of control over him. Your son will make his choices. However, it is well within your parental rights to have boundaries. If your son's drinking effects his performance at work or leads to his termination, that is his consequence. If his drinking effects how he behaves in your home and upsets the harmony, he must also face that consequence. You may have to ask him to live elsewhere. You should consider your safety and well-being and how unsettled you feel in your own home. Asperger's and alcohol do not mix well. This can lead to very unpredictable and erratic behavior. Check out this website for good information about Asperger's, it may help you to cope and equip you to deal with some of the issues you are facing: www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/autism/detail_autism.htm
You may also want to consider suggesting that your son see a counselor or attend an AA meeting, but you can only "suggest", you cannot force. You can tell him you love him and explain that you are concerned about him. Chastising him or putting him down will only cause him to rebel. He must be hurting inside already whether he consciously knows that or not. If he rejects your suggestions and continues to be destructive, you may not have a choice about asking him to leave. Tough love is hard, but it is preferable over "enabling", as that always prevents our adult children from really becoming adults. You may want to go to an Al-Anon meeting or reach out to a counselor. Now is the time to reach out to loving family and friends who can help you through this time. Stay strong and be proactive rather than reactive. I wish you and your son healing.


View replies by

Michelle - posted on 09/11/2016




Not a lot you can do, he's an adult and can make his own choices.
I agree with Shawnn that if he is living in your house then he needs to pay rent.

ETA: What do you see as a problem? How much does he drink?

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/11/2016




Are you charging him room and board? If he is living in your home, he should be paying you for it. That would give him less to spend on alcohol.

Other than that, he is an adult, and capable of deciding what he wants to do.

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