46 year-old grandmother needing advice regarding my 6 year-old granddaughter's behavioral issues

[deleted account] ( 10 moms have responded )

I have my 6 year-old granddaughter 2 - 3 times per week (she sleeps over every Saturday night and I take her to church with me on Sundays) in my care. I pick her up from school and we spend a lot of quality time together. Everyone she knows, knows me and who I am. A lot of people think I am her mother because we do so many things together. I enjoy her immensely and she has brought a lot of joy into my (and other's) life. Here is the problem: I am involved in 99% of her life; upbringing, care, spirituality, transportation,financially, ect, you name it. The 1% I am not involved with is the serious decision making like trying to obtain counseling or advice regarding her behavior. I am not allowed legally to make these decisions. She acts out very aggressively and hits me on a regular basis. How many times can I say, "DON'T DO THAT! THAT IS UNACCEPTABLE! YOU NEED TO GO IN TIME-OUT!!"? Her parents will not take my advice regarding obtaining the counseling that I know she needs and I am desperate for this bad behavior to come to an end. I have tried to seek advice from her teachers and pediatrician but they cannot legally talk to me about anything as I am not her parent. Even though everyone knows me well, and even knows me better (regarding her) than even her own parents, I am not allowed to get any type of psychological help for her. There's a lot more to this story, too much to write here. Has anyone been in a situation like this? Does anyone have advice for me as to what to do? Maybe I just need support, or someone to talk to. I am really sad about this. Thank you.


View replies by

JEANETTE - posted on 05/14/2015




Can you get her parents to sign you as the power of attorney or legal guardian?

Becky - posted on 12/13/2012




I have the same ordeal as u. My 4 year old granddaughter is with me most of the time mom an dad r separated an my son barely see her he stay with his new girlfriend an there 6 month old baby an her mom is expecting a baby in may 2013 neither old has a job or permeant home. My granddaughter is messing her pants daily an now she has started peeing them. I'm gonna try an get custody of her so I can get her the help she needs to deal with mom an dad not being a part of her life I know that's why she is messing her pants daily cause she does not understand what is happening.

Felicity - posted on 04/28/2012




Although you are not allowed to talk to her Paediatrician etc about her case specifically, you may be able to approach them on a general level (hypothetical situation) and ask them to advise you on how to deal with her type of behavioral issues. This way they are not breaching confidentiality but you can still get some advice and support.

Medic - posted on 04/24/2012




Well I am assuming you are the mothers mother? Have a very serious mother daughter talk with her about the situation and tell you that you are willing to do everything in your power to help but you need some help to. Focus this on your granddaughter and what she needs.

User - posted on 04/24/2012




Does she misbehave with other adults such as her mother and teachers in the same way?

It may be attention seeking in that she wishes she could spend more time with her mum rather than with you. Please don't be offended at that, I'm sure she loves being with you too.

[deleted account]

Her parents are separated and the dad lives far enough where he isn't involved in the everyday routine of raising a child but close enough if he is absolutely needed he will be there. The mother depends on me to do everything for her. I know I sound resentful and I am trying not to be but they are adults and my granddaughter is a child and she is my main concern. But you are right, I am "stuck" with a misbehaving child.

[deleted account]

Thank you.I have tried having a serious talk with her but it's usually when she is very upset. I need to do that when she isn't upset.

Michelle - posted on 04/24/2012




I agree with Melissa.

Have you sat down and talked with her? If you are so involved with her life maybe if she feels she can talk to you without being judged it would help. Even talking to her when she she isn't upset, ask her why she lashes out. She porbably won't open up straight away but just let her know that she can talk to you about anything.

Melissa - posted on 04/24/2012




Why do you have her more than her parents? Sounds like you might have to sit this one out, if the parents are unwilling to do anything, than you are stuck with a misbehaved child.

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