9 year old son wanting to live with grandparents?

[deleted account] ( 6 moms have responded )

My son (an only child) and I lived with his grandparents from the time he was born because I was a single mom and finishing my college degree. When he was 6 years old I married my husband (his step-dad) and the three of us lived together in our own home. My son has always been super close to his grandfather and he is his "father-figure". From the very first day that grandpa dropped my son off at our new home to live with us he cried and complained that he wanted to be back with his grandparents. He said he didn't feel comfortable and that he felt that grandpa and grandmas home is his home. I completely understand his view on this since grandparents home was his home since he was born. The next two years were very tough. My son was getting in trouble at school and resisting discipline and consequences from us as well as teachers.

Skip forward those two years and my husband was offered a job in another state so we moved away from his grandparents for this job. I let my son spend winter break with his grandparents since he had not seen them in a few months.When it was time for him to come home he cried again and the moodiness continued for a few weeks until I decided that perhaps we should try letting him go back with grandparents to finish out the school year.

Since going back to live with his grandparents he has done great in school, never gets in trouble at school, has made a good group of friends in the neighborhood and is very happy. I am completely torn. My husband and I are very responsible, hard-working people with good jobs. We gave him a nice, loving environment (although a little more strict than grandparents), planned fun activities as a family, etc. My husband tried to bond with my son but ultimately they have two very different personalities and don't really enjoy each other but tolerate one another.

I don't know what to do at this point. I want to parent my son myself but I also want to stay married. My husband is a great guy and we have a good, healthy marriage. I really do not want to have to get divorced and move back in with my parents just so I can raise my son. My son has voiced that he wishes I still lived with the grandparents "like the old days". I'm also afraid that my son sort of views his grandparents as his "parents" and views me more like an older sister (even tho I have been his parent this whole time). Any thoughts? I know this is a very unusual situation.


Amber - posted on 05/03/2016




They aren't his parents but it probably would be best for him to live with them if he does better with them


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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 05/04/2016




I'm actually speaking from his point of view. To you they are his grandparents, but to him, they are his parents, who raised him from birth, who he's always been with and gone to.

You're the woman who gave birth to him, and went to college.

Ev - posted on 05/03/2016




Actually Amber--he sees them that way. They are "mom and dad" to him. He lived in their house for most of his short life and that was all he knew. His mom did not try to live on her own until she married her husband. It is hard on a child to be torn from the places they have known since they were little.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 05/03/2016




Honestly? You let your parents raise him for 6 years, and then wanted to be an "instant" family with your new partner...without ever even taking his feelings into account.

Let him live with your folks. They are his parents.

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