A step-mother balancing act: how to be there for important stuff but not cause a family rift?

Jennifer - posted on 12/28/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )




Hi everybody -

My husband is extremely close with his ex-wife's family, and chooses to spend all his holidays with them, his ex, and their only child. Since the ex can't tolerate being around me, I'm not welcome at any big family events. He can't figure out how to have all of what he wants (a happy me *and* this family at holidays). I get that he desperately wants to hold onto the family, and he wants to give his kid the kind of holiday she always had. But this is hard on me, and on our relationship.

Has anyone made this work? Any advice or suggestions?



Katie - posted on 12/28/2012




Wow, that is a tough one! We have a blended family, too, with "new families" and exes, and all the chaos that goes along with it, it can be totally unnerving sometimes. I am pretty lucky that we have been able to work out most of the kinks, but I can really feel for you. Have you spoken with your husband, usisng the same clear and compassionate words you used here? Perhaps if he is able to understand your feelings, too, he will be able to better appreciate your need to find a role in the family/marriage y'all are building.
Obviously, I don't know your family from Adam, but from my experience, the kiddo may not actually be as thrilled with the arrangement anyhow. Since the little guy knows you, it may ultimately become more confusing and difficult to cope with this complicated arrangement, as time goes on. Just a thought...

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